living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Guest_1584]

Yeah , l'm with em Paul , so sorry mate. l went through it too , do you have brothers and sisters to share the load with ?Mind you , that can be a help or a curse l know , depending on the family but never the less.

lt's an incredibly drive reality home time and thing to go through l know it , sorry man.

Take care eh. rx

[Guest_1584]

Haa that's nice of you tankya em but ahhh, all the talking in the world won't change them. l know what they are and how they work, how a head like hers works , and plenty about how 1700yrs of Russian /Portuguese women are raised and their thinking and views in matters of their men. And while many of the characteristics are just incredible you'll never find in other women , there are also these type of things and thinking that nah , they're just far more embedded and go back so far that there simply is no altering them .

Well , these issues are some of those . Yaknow , yeah of course we shouldn't want to change the other don't need articles to tell us that but life is also different as two ,too, and you both also do make many changes and compromises in a relationship or marriage too , there's no way it can work if you didn't . Many people don't even realize the changes they've made over the yrs , but it's all there you could see it blind folded from the outside.We all have good and bad habits and traits , and we live differently as one, than as two , two if a world away life than as one.

l've hoped the natural progression of feelings, commitment, the things and closeness the two souls into one that just develop with two people like us, would just turn this stuff around with her , but it hasn't . Sometimes l think it has but then something happens that shows no it hasn't , nothings changed .

l really despise that term deal breakers, it's all so internet, so nowa days thinking , all the terms and labels now, arrrggg, but yeah l'm afraid they certainly are and l won't live with them soooo, rock and a hard place l'm afraid.

l dunno , we have the most uniquest thing, and life , it's a really beautiful and impossible to find thing , to find 1/2 of it at this stage you would be blessed . But these things just destroy it for me. She can't see that though , she can't see the things , 1700yrs of it in there you see it's just her way. As beautiful as some of them are, these ones though , well.

lt's probably time l accepted it l'm afraid , and make a decision especially considering the crap l'll still need to go through with all her stuff , and she could well be kicked out of the country at the end of it too after all that , and she'll be flat broke to boot by then too. So yeah, lot to think about.

rx

[ecomama]

Wow. I needed a drink after reading that, so now I've got my GIANT sized hot Milo I'm ready.

Rx this is REALLY hard, it feels like I could hear your heart breaking in your last post.
So crap.

I just cry with people who are heart broken.

It does seem like you're in a fork in the road.

I see what you mean now about gf being from overseas. I assumed wrongly, sorry, that she was here to stay in Oz.
Are you gonna wait it out and see some natural conclusions?

That 1700y inheritance stuff is a biggie. I think I know what you're talking about, maybe maybe not.
If you've tried for so long, then you know what you'd have to live with even if she could stay and move down etc.

You sound like a very romantic soul, with the 2 becoming 1 stuff.
I see it more as a great relationship has synergy if each person is strong on their own.

A co dependent partner is what I've been stuck with far too many times.
I don't like it lol. Awful of me to say, but I really don't.

Also the "compromise" stuff being the "norm" in a relationship.
I heard a story once that described "compromise" as neither partner getting what they want.
EG
One person wanted to go to Canada on a trip.
The other Africa.
So they "compromised" and went to Japan.

Yah.
It's kinda like that lol.

But I agree, certain things probably need "compromise"?
like what's for dinner... maybe.

And some things are just not that important to BOTH people.
Like my BF wants to rewire the whole house to accommodate his U.S. power tools and stuff... so have dual outlets... okay whatevs!
No biggie... (it'll be interesting to see THAT happen!).

IDK I think if both people in the relationship TRULY have the same "Values"... it's quite blissful IME - with BF it is anyway.

It's more complex I know, just as a basis.
BF had extraordinary role models of successful long term r/ships.
I haven't. Long term yes, happy NO. They were / are miserable. It irks me when they try to "celebrate" anniversaries. 🥴

I'm spoilt by BF anyway, he works hard for my happiness which he says makes him happy.
Spoilt lol.

I'm not much help!

Please keep talking it out.
I'm listening.

EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Timing .

Well making ea other or towards ea others happiness is a two way street so yeah if all are aligned it can be an absolute pleasure seeing and doing what we can for our partners happiness and having that returned .

But nah , not heartbroken , nothings in stone right now , just thoughts and an acceptance of certain things that have been raising their head again , speaking of mutual happiness. l'm not sure yet what l wanna do about it yet though and she might finally decide to actually understand to yet.

But ahh yessa , well there's an evil ex and MIL in the picture you see. She's been here yrs but in Aus our lmmi are so petty and disgustingly shameless, that s slight rumble and hell yeah, they'll boot anyone out. A 2yr old girl actually born here , on the news just last week. Well the ex and MIL did something, sent in something to lmmi, they wanna keep her share of their finances you see. So now there's an extra court case on top of it, poor thing. But yeah it'd mean a whole new visa app if ex gets his way butttt, we just don't know , nor the lawyers . Nother story.

Anyway. rx

[Guest_1584]

Ps , nothing codependent about us btw, we're 1200k apart and both strong individuals .

Rant to self.

Anger is a term l might use , at myself , far from heartbroken but hell yeah , l am that damn angry at myself and the time ,more of it, just gone, if we didn't continue, and bc of things l saw day one. Of course if we didn't yeah it isn't going to tickle that's for sure , but we're not at that point l'm just that damn pissed off at myself.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Oh yeah , changes and alterations , lifestyle , ways, nah , never known a couple where he hasn't at least, often she doesn't even realize.

You guys haven't lived together, give it 3 or 5 or 10yrs real life, there's always compromises or work on something, We're actually mostly incredible like that, but there are things like this thing of hers, and l'm not perfect, l know, it's hard to believe right.

ex w and l were very very good like that too well it's what l go for part of , but amazing really, 20yrs and well and many many sacrifices, things change.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Well , a lot of thinking obviously , the mind's amazing isn't it l have so many other things going on , yet somehow it can still focus in between. l mean she's an incredible partner and she looks after you too like no other in every way and then some too, and our team, it's a huge part of her custom but again like no other, far far bigger, no one you'd do better in your corner . We live and just exist incredibly well together even with my weird lifestyle she just slots straight in, we talk and support soooo nicely , again it's just in a so different ways to any norm. l mean ex w and l were also really special in a lot of these ways too but gf and l are on a whole nother plain again, to anyone. She's gorgeous, sexy , really looks after herself , there's just so many things with us l couldn't even explain. Any two people coming across this and such a second chance would truly be blessed though for sure. l'm so lucky in so many huge ways, even with her dramas, we both are.

Butttttt, then there's these things and some ways l won't talk about but they just effect all else in a major way for me. l mean l write out just a few tips of an iceberg up there in just some of our beautiful goods, but these things are so important to me that l'd almost swap to mediocre but to have these instead. Trouble is over time now l can see lately in this way things won't be improving.

Probably a repeat rant l know but eh, it's my thread haha l'll rant if l need to. Nah actually l usually do go in a lot of circles working serious things out but it's also usually how l do work it out. rx

[quirkywords]

Random amd everyone, I talk in circles and think in circles.

I like reading your post as you explain your thinking process.

[Guest_1584]

Hi Quirk .

You too hey , l have to be so careful with people in person bc whether it's their problem or mine l'll go over it and all around as often as they can handle over time, but it just gets me to where we or l need to go.

[Guest_1584]

Well l'm happy to say we've been talking a lot about things and well, not only has it been beautiful and fun to actually but really really enlightening to us both too on all kinds of things. We just amaze ourselves at how we just sorta keep on just growing through things even with everything she's going through and 1200k apart. But anyway can't really say my biggest concerns are blown away now but l can say l am feeling a lot lot better about them right now.But hopefully time will work it's magic .

rx