living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[CMF]

Hey rx,

Yeah I know that feeling when something 'snaps' and you just know what you need to do.

Doesn't make it easier for you but despite the sadness do you feel some weight has been lifted?

Hang in there my friend.

Big hugs

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Hiya cm and thanks as always, your support means a lot to me and many others around here.

Yeah , you'd know that feeling. l don't really know how it feels tbh , apart from just sad. But when she said them it was as if there was just no point in me giving this any more for now .

Luckily l suppose , l have a lotta stuff going on and an important job at work that'll run another mth or so too , so a lot of distractions. lt feels weird and strange my phone not bipping with her messages though and l miss them.l do still think it's best for now though.

l hope your ok , big hugs.

rx

[Guest_1584]

We have talked a bit over the wkend.

lt was nice , always is. Not about anything in particular , little bit her stuff little bit mine, without anything getting too heavy just kept it mostly light.

So nice to hear each other though , talk , we both miss the hell out of us and ea other , it's not that, of course we do.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Lots on now next few mths. Big job on at work l'm about 1/2 through , spent 5wks looking for a car for my daughter and we've gotta do a rw on that now and get her sorted, l'm setting my own car up for camping so that l can go away a bit trying to finish that too. Got about a mths work on the house after the work job's finished, may sell house end of yr , still incert as waiting on a subdivision. Next door's doing that , it use to be part of my place though so selling is all waiting on her to finish that. My end is just some house jobs sooo, we see on that front.

My daughters been with me last 18mths too and that's really changed life , and things, and been so much stress and exras. Poor things had a run from hell the last 18mths herself. And covid stuff, my God, so hard on the kids. But she's finally decided on a new course but it's hands on so depending on Tafes opening up.She's gotten 4 different pt jobs ea one's closed down each time. Her anxiety is through the roof , especially covid stuff, poor bugger. They have all the kids scares shytless these days after drilling us 19mths with all this. So sad, so wrong , so surreal. To top it of she's had such a sad bad run with friends and bf's on going 2yrs now.

Anywayyy, such is life right now . That's why l really want my car's camping setup finished, it's gonna be so cool. Just hoping to get away on some wkends which we can do from up where l am , atm anyway, see what they do to us next though, wk by wk. Take the canoe of course, just get away a little . l don't even know lf l'd still enjoy it like l use to , but it's all in my head haha and seems like a good idea atm and as if it would help things too especially mentally.

Gf , hmmm. Sadly she's just in such a damn mess. We've talked a tiny bit last few wks, but l can't even support her . Or talk much, bc my life although a lot on for the next few mth ,mind you l did nothing first 7mths of the yr. This is just a few mths pay back l'm dealing with now but then all that's done. At least l have real life though and a home and real things going on.

Hers is just limbo, time, so sad, she's in a new place now, another one. She was stuck in a hotel no opening windows this last 2mths, lockdowns. Now her next place, along with all her stresses. Just sad. But there's not a thing l can do and she's just not up to anything even just touching base is hard for her lately. Especially with my life just life but hers what it is . l'll come back to things there.

rx

[Guest_1584]

l know l've been going in circles but that's how l get to the bottom of a difficult situation if need be and it works for me.

Talked to my dear brother the other night love this guy, he's interstate. Strangely we never got along as kids we were so different, but now 50s we actually get along better than the others. Life goes around and you just never know do you, anything can happen anything can change.

He thinks l need to leave this thing with gf says l have no choice with no certainty at all for who knows how much longer, what else can l do. He's also worried about what frame she'll even be in if and when it is finally all over and would she even be up to picking us up again anyway and building a life together later. She's even admitted that herself poor thing.

He says life's not getting any longer and l need to get firm on this and start thinking of myself again. And things could always be picked up again later if she does get through this and life hasn't taken another turn by then but atm after all this time l need to think of myself. l know he's right, that's the problem.

l don't know if l could live again, or even be bothered trying in that department again.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Sorry that was meant to be love again.

Butttt, it is true , l don't know if l even could , let alone meet somebody again that l would even fall in love with anyway, l'm pretty fussy and l don't get over something like this easily either.The other thing is, l've been handed two incredible women , gifts from the Gods , since my divorce, and neither has worked out , mostly my fault actually even this situation. lf l'd have let her stay earlier she still could've at that time transferred everything to Vic and we could've gone through it together and with our life together.There were reason yeah , but l should've worked them out.

Point is , given there's only one woman in millions that l'd ever feel this way about and yet l've been freakingly handed two at this stage in life , l really don't think even if l wanted to l'd get that lucky again now. It was unbelievable that l even did and in such ways , these times , given how fussy l am. lf you were a God or the Universe , you certainly wouldn't be throwing me yet another chance would you , after l passed these up.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Did the cards on the wkend,

Again just money dominated though so love wise they aren't being much help atm. Immediate money matters will dominate long term love matters and l'm in the middle of present money matters and the business end of work for the yr right now so that's why money matters are showing.

They've also been pointing to more than just work wise though financially so l've been wondering what that's been about too. But then just last night the guy renting my cabin rang me up to ask if l want to sell it. He said he's happy to stay on and keep renting if l don't but if l did he's interested in buying so that's all def' enough money matters to cause them to dominate anything love right now.

Soooo, l'm thinking about a price for the cabin and l'm suppose to get back to him bc in many ways l would like to be rid of it. l've had it 15yrs and l just can't be bothered with it anymore. l wanna minimize right down so badly lately , l'm just craving simplicity and minimalist lately , l just need it so badly. Only thing is if l did sell it , l'd need to find some way of tying the money up good, talking big locks and no key , or l'd just blow it .l'm really bad at holding money that's why l had the property instead, even l have trouble finding a way to spend a property haha.

Ahwell , more brain mush for me. Man l just want it all gone and out of my head , my dream lately is to just wake up in the morning and to just not have to think anymore about anything.

rx

[jtjt_4862]

Heya RX,

Dropping by to say hello and read your updates. Looks like a lot has happened for ya. Curious to know, do you do your own tarot cards reading (assuming when you say cards, that's what you meant)? Or do you go to someone who does the cards reading for you?

Minimizing via selling the cabin sounds like a great way to downsize your possessions. Since having more in our possessions would just increase the amount of effort we need to put into managing them, having less becomes having more. Maybe a "just right" price for both you and your current tenant would be beneficial to both of you? Because 1) You finally get to let go of your 15 year old cabin that you no longer need. 2) Your tenant gets something that they've been wanting from you. Becomes a win win :).

Sorry to hear about what your daughter's going through, and you too as well. With the spiraling thoughts, it's hard to get out of them, but glad to read you're still posting in your thread. I do agree with your brother that, it's time to let go of your gf and focus on yourself first. It is also the best kind of love you can give someone whom you truly love, where you want what's best for them. It is hard to let go, but you'll be alright with or without her in your life.

Happy to listen to you more RX :).

Jt

[CMF]

Hey RX,

I know what you mean about not being ready or wanting to meet anyone else. I'd be the same. Gee, these cards are adamant aren't they? I can see why you are in limbo. You probably know what is best for your heart but then you have these messages...It;s def a tough one considering the feelings etc.

wish I had more clarity for you my friend.

Hugs

CMF x

[Guest_1584]

Hi jt , thanks for dropping back and the thoughts , always appreciated.

Yeah it's a lot to think about with the cabin bc l will lose the rental income. lt doesn't cost me anything to hold the cabin it's paid off long ago so the rent is free and clear and part of my income you see. But just owning it is always in the back of my mind bc it's just one more big thing and a pretty big thing so even though it's rented out it's also been a lot of work over the yrs too. lt's more practical to keep it though tbh , bc l'd have that rental income forever more you see , but man , l would like to just be free of it too, l don't know how all these people that have heaps of properties cope, two is more than enough worry.

And thanks for the thoughts of my daughter , l'm so proud of her she's staying strong and has lots of plans.

But yeah, l know, he is right , it is probably time l think of myself in this after all this time. As far as setting her free, she doesn't wanna be free she still wants us, it's only coping atm that's the problem. So we mainly only talk lately when or if she calls or messages or needs support, there's zero us pressure. But l must admit , it is hard and l have been wondering if l'm actually doing myself any favors lately though.

Cards ahhh , l've done cards most of my life, only for myself. My daughter does do Tarot for other people though. How are you going anyway , did you say last time you got the house?That's big stuff my friend how's it all going are you happy with it and the decision?

Take care eh.

rx