living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Guest_1584]

My Slovenian friend said yesterday , your doing the right thing. You don't need to officially break up but bc of having no idea of gf's outcome or when it may be talking yrs, you need to get on with life, and you need to be open should a nice chickie cross your path. Bloody hell , it's only been a few days and she's lining me up already.

rx

[Guest_1584]

How ironic.

Even though l was married a long time , outside of that l'd basically been pretty much a loner my whole life apart from gf's . l've always been very choosy about when or if l feel like people.

Well after a divorce , l doubted l'd ever get married again and spent a lotta lotta time alone doing what l want when l want with no qualms at all. Took a long time to get use to being with gf again but through last yr l started to adjust and could even see remarrying. And now this yr comes along which l think we've only managed to see ea other once now. So why did l have to get use to it again and start looking forward to a life as two again , but now this.

l must admit just lately , l am really missing being with someone again, sharing life again, holding, touch , conversation , kisses goodbye and back again, life in double. This is the first time in my life l'm just not enjoying being alone anymore.

rx

[CMF]

Hi rx,

I think it is easy to feel we don't want to meet anyone again when we go through crap and adjust to being alone. I was the same before m came along. I was so glad to be rid of my ex and the idea of having to meet, trust, get to know someone again was just too much. I'm also a loner...but then...

I enjoy that i have someone to do all these things "sharing life again, holding, touch , conversation , kisses goodbye and back again, life in double" but i must say, if we ended i would not bother again. You met someone great, fun to be with, someone with qualities you love. You'clicked' on many levels so it is understandable you would miss that now.

I understand what you are saying, it would take a pretty special person to make me want to get involved again if i found myself single.

Big hugs

cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Hiya cm and thanks as always.

Yeah l felt it in your words a few mths back when you felt things weren't looking too good at the time , exactly as l've been feeling. l'm so pleased you chiseled away though and last l read, l'm seeing good things for you guys you'll get there, great stuff.

But nope , not feeling like it one iota let me tell ya. We wanted to hold on , not only for us and feelings , but for this 3yrs we've put into us as well. But what can ya do , with her situation at this stage now, not much.

The mere thought of maybe starting again someday though if it comes to that now hell yeah , it'd really have to be something , that also falls into my lap , or something. Bc l cert couldn't be bothered with anything else that's for sure.

Big hugs

rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx

I think it's such a wishy washy time for you because neither of you really wanted to break up.

With other endings of relationships, it's not so much "easy" but could be easy-ER.
Mainly because there was one person making a definitive END to the relationship.

Then it's done.

Yours with gf is not this way, I think that's why you have so many thoughts over it all.

Just pointing out the obvious lol.

I'm glad you spent some time going to the water's edge and just "being".

I know what you mean about needing the next person to kind of fall into your lap lol.
I've never and would never do dating sites, it's just NOT my thing at all but more power to those who like them. Horses for courses.

Maybe you're on your way to healing from this relationship, acknowledging your desire to have somebody in your life?

I don't want somebody, I only want BF. I wouldn't even want to be with anyone else if we broke up.
Tbh the thought of that is just YUCK! lol... get me out of there! Kind of feeling hahaha...

Glad you don't feel that way. More chance of you meeting someone new the way you're thinking!

So you ARE selling?
Big changes afoot there.

Do you intend on staying in the area?

My across the road neighbour's sold for 1.2 mill recently. Same same, just a little cottage. The RE Agents are like scavengers, it's doing my head in.
Anyway no plans to move in my camp.
Only thoughts of building the cabin and renovating the first floor for my boys. Eventually for boarders.

Take care rx!
EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Hiya em .

And nah of course we don't want to we just don't know how else to do things, especially in the state she's in she can't handle a relationship right now. But also you see one day you know you can be together , so even if that's a few more yrs , you still "know it". But we don't know that we want it of course , it is that way. Of course l don't wanna be with anyone else, ever, couldn't even imagine it now can't even think of anyone else.

God almighty a little cottage 1.2 eh, Australian RE has seriously lost it's marbles hasn't it. Suppose there's no complaints if you happen to be on the receiving end though haha.

Selling yepppa, tough one. The cabin l mentioned a few posts back, l would rather sell it , l'd love to be rid of it actually. But the thing is it brings in that rent, so it's probably silly to sell that off and lose that rent.

My house here , yeah waiting on a subdivision that's why it's been all up in the air 18mths. But the subs suppose to be done next few mths now though finally so we see. l've gotta finish my last job for the yr at work , then do a bit on the house to get it ready , and by then we should know if the subs gone through so if it has yeah will probably sell the house.

But area yikes that's a toughy , not sure yet. Gf and l had been checking out areas 18mths now, still not decided though. Might pack my car and go travel for awhile if l do sell to hell with it haha well, if this bloody Covid bs is sorted by then.

Your place sounds lovely good for you hey, who care's about 1.2's , your home is far more important than 1.2's eh.

You too.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Very low.

lt's been about two wks since we've talked apart from one quick, and it's sinking in. My phones dead quiet too we usually chit chat all day long and working it's really nice bc l work on my own too, so use to the ph going off every 5mins. Or sitting down for coffee and rest , catching up on our messages , calls at lunchtime , or any time, miss it.

Been really feeling it and missing her, us, all of our stuff and ways. l hope she's ok bc it'll be a lot worse for her in her situation. Thankfully l at least have a lot of stuff and routine going on as distractions and the comfort of my own place as normal , she doesn't have any of that poor thing.

But l do have one big thing my daughter here 24/7 and l'm just not use to it especially at a time like this. l really need to be alone right now. She's stuck at home smashed her car it wasn't bad she didn't get hurt but not worth fixing. So she saved for awhile and l chipped in a bit and we've finally found her another car - which turned into a real strain along with gf stuff going on and it being my busiest time of yr , but with my d just home 24 7 apart from a few train trips or night or two at her mums. She's done really well holding it together though but it's been a strain. Not to mention getting her to do anything or the mess , god almighty l just don't need that bs right now , just bloody do it don't make me end up yelling about it 20 times later. Anyway so we're doing the RWC on the car now like l don't have enough to do but hopefully she;ll be on the road and independent again in the next wk or two,

The stuff and strain she's put us through and been this last 18mths is just too bloody much at the best of times , but right now , mannnnn. At least she's been calm , no manic , and a real sweetheart actually , a lazy one though. But pretty amazing bc it's as hard on her stuck home like this and with me as it is me. So really she's done well this last few mths after the nightmares of this last 18 for her, AND us.

Anyway , l need this bloody car on the road , soooooo badly. and so does she. Not that you'd know it she's even lazy with all that.l freaking want it done though and need it bad so l'm all over it when l can and it should be done soon.

She's never home when she's got her car and she also gets really motivated to do stuff, when she's not in trouble anyway. l really need her out there living her own life though , l just can't keep living like this , especially right now,

rx

[Guest_1584]

l don't understand the cards l'm getting lately.

lot of money stuff of course that l get with everything going on financially. But the love stuff is vague lately for the first time in 5yrs now, very strange and l'm getting other cards l haven't had in yrs. They aren't bad cards , they're good actually. They're about happiness, good luck, they're good cards - although the money stuff yeah makes sense right now but there certainly isn't much happiness goin on as for luck well , not much of that either.

Although that part isn't necessarily about right now , it's reading more like over the next few mths but still where as the money stuff is right now and as it is in reality. But the love , what's happened to it. It can't just stop after nearly 5yrs , not without a resolution .

rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx, big hugs!

Life is so hard some times, and so difficult to understand! Mainly about our interactions with others I find.

Kids are another whole ball game. I can hear how daughter is weighing heavily on you atm.
Raising kids is hands down the most difficult job in the world IMO only.
It's a 24/7 job and when it's challenging, it's REALLY challenging. Otherwise it's constantly CONSTANT.

It's tough, I'm hearing you.

The GF sitch is beyond complicated for you and her. These feelings your feeling are perfectly natural in your situation.

It's hard to keep moving forward with these heavy weights on your mind, so you're doing SO WELL just doing what you're doing right now.
Sometimes it feels like we're treading water and not getting anywhere, but those muscles you're exercising treading water are strengthening you.
You're getting stronger.

It's a new reality you're adjusting to.
Grounding is really important.
So is maintaining some relationships you deem important.

Waiting for the subs is another treading water too! You really got it going on and NOT. Grrr pretty frustrating and I would say overwhelming too at times!

I just wrote this on the Gardening thread lol... when I feel overwhelmed with "stuff" here, I try to turn it into feelings of GRATITUDE. I'm grateful to BE IN a position to have these choices.

I know FOR SURE I deserve to be in a comfortable financial position. I worked hard for it all and I deserve it.
But I also know for sure that billions of other people have worked hard all their lives and aren't in a good position.
So I'm grateful.

Yep absolutely 1.2 is nothing compared to having a beautiful space to grow my family, food, our pets!
Our memories and heritage.
Choices.

Anyway ours is 1.4 now lol and my "I'm terrible Muriel" point is that demon would be rotting in his socks over this lol!!!

And now I hear the Angels in Heaven who protected us all through ALL of this sing HALLELUJAH!

Your cards are showing the HOPE and good fortune coming your way.
You've already had the most amazing life and it's FAR from over yet.

More power to you rx,
Love EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Ahh the beautiful angels em.

l can't feel them at the moment , but at least they sing for you after everything else, beautiful l'm really glad.

l'll be back.

rx