living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Jstar49]

Hi Rx,

pretty sucky situation. Sorry man. I feel for ya.

J*

[Guest_1584]

Tbh , last few days l've been feeling like to hell with this on off call it how she likes any old 2 or 3 day bs. Might be self destructive in this case l don't know , but that's how l'm feeling l'm just getting a bit sick of it.

Been thinking of just having that break we were suppose to have for a while, properly this time. l just need to step back from it all for awhile and get my feelings straight. And she needs to feel me gone for awhile and to realize how much bs she's putting me through.

rx

[CMF]

Agree. The important point you make is that it is affecting you in a negative way.

A break will give you time to re evaluate. Yes. She can see what it's like without you.

Take back control, for your own well being. There's a saying ' you can't pour from an empty cup'

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Yeah l agree cm exactly.

l feel like she's just blurting all this crap out any damn time it hits her and she is. Juts leaves me with zero control of my own crap exactly and throws me into spins every few days. lt's getting ridiculous.

rx .. Hope your doin ok . 00

[Guest_1584]

l'm a bit torn tbh , between what you've described here in what you were going through and also in being in an almost identical mind and MH frame as my gf , and of her saying very similar things to me too, or her just plain being off us between the lines.

The thing is , l've done all that , and not just for a day either believe me. 3 yrs now she's been coming and going and for 3yrs now every time she goes back home , few wks later starts talking and acting the same. This time is much worse , her situations much worse now, but it's still been going on 3 yrs and we wouldn't even still be together if l hadn't held us together during those times and brought us back each time, 3yrs of them.

Trouble is , it's done nothing. Because here l am once again going through all the same stuff only 3x worse , again ! And l've stayed the coarse held us together and put us back together 10 times already this time but for nearly 6mths this time, yet here we are again.

Might've worked with you but for her it's achieved absolutely zero now, reverse from zero actually . So that's the dilemma . Because l have huge stuff going on too and after 3yrs of it l need to see something too not just more of the same bs, yaknow. And it's had my life in limbo 3yrs .

So yeah , it's a bloody tough call. l'm going with the break again now bc really my mh and my life don't have much choice anymore. But l've just come back and ready through things trying to sort it out too at the same time.

On another note , my brothers down from Qld this wk and stayed over last night. He was showing me some women on his date site his thinking about . Well seems as l'm in this situation as a bit of a tester to my own sanity and feelings l said mind if l have a look through it. Put in my search stuff just roughly nothing too particular and boom, up comes l dunno 20 or 30 pages of women. Sounds so cheap and nasty doesn't it , l know.

Browsed through , again , nothing. Not one interested me in the slightest , not one. And it felt disgusting too . l couldn't imagine anyone else.

So wth does that mean for our situation then , well of course the obvious , but apart from that . My gut and instincts are usually spot on , you could stake your life on them , and l have . But the trouble is this is so in circles with us , l can't hear them anymore. Cards are still saying the same love btw. Just to complicate it.

rx

[CMF]

I think no one on the dating site interests you cos you're not ready to meet anyone else. You mentioned over the last 3 years gf has been on and off. I can understand that when she's away she lisee6her connection. I can get like that too. I think she a break, for your sake. The cards are telling you something. Why not take a step back and let them fall where they may?

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Yeah it's so strange cm.

When she here all she wants to do is stay forever and acts and talks of being so in love , like the love she spoke of with her son. Yetttt, gets home and starts flipping all over the place. But this times been by far the worst. l just don;t know anymore. Coming , not coming, never coming, coming again, can't do it , can't wait. lt's impossible.

That's a good idea l agree , maybe with letting it all fall where it may , the pressure's off and things can fall where they may you know.. You know she gets home and allllll the stuff starts again there, that's why she has to go back. And that;s when she starts going in circles . Maybe without the us factor , she can cope better and stabilize a little and hopefully l can too.

[geoff]

Hello Jstar, I agree most of the time the person you're trying to help doesn't hear a word you're saying or if they do, it's gone in one ear and out the other.

If you make a regular date night for every week, that is the same night, problems may develop, such as, I don't feel like it tonight or perhaps the routine becomes a drag, so suggest a night on the spur of the moment, surprise has a greater effect.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello RX, you're right, different translations have different meanings, so what you expect it to how you believe it would come across, might surprise you.

As Jstar has said 'don't you think you need to be friends in a relationship', absolutely, it's this friendship that creates love as well as trust and can pull you through difficult times.

With her being so far away, you can offer support, then hang up the phone and get on with what you're trying to obtain, but if are physically together, then the problem is carried around with you 24/7 and can affect the relationship.

The same happens when you say to someone that you love them on the phone, but it's much different than when you're holding that person and tell them that you love them, the look on their face and how glassy their eyes become is adorable.

Take care.

Geoff.

[CMF]

Hi all,

Geoff, your point about regular date night, same time same place etc is so true.

Thank you

Cmf