living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Guest_1584]

Haaa thanks j.

And ur right about love.

On other notes my d said why don't you get someone in to help with the bills , get a chick she might like cooking haha - l'm the worlds worst cook and l hate it. Make great pizza though.

Place is too big for just me it's ridiculous. Thought about it knew someone she asked me a few mths back but l said no. Haven't seen her since she's probably in a new place by now so l put an ad on gumtree. Doing an ad is always a good feeler for me if l'm unsure , l use it in work situations all the time with my business. Anyway had a few emails but just reading them from total strangers thoughts of sharing the house with them made me sick right there soooo, l had my answer and cancelled the ad.Besides , gf could be home in another mth , or she might not be, no way we'd share the house , but my daughter also looks like coming back for a little while now since the ad too sooo, it's a def' pass all round.

Gf's going over to her sons for a few days she's so nervous, l wish it could be the break she desperately needs so badly but unfortunately her last few stays at her sons haven't gone well sooooo, gritting teeth but crossing things too. Sons had a ton of problems lately and he's not a happy boy and stressed out.

Quiet wkend apart from daughter drama thurs and frid, seems ok for now since though thank the Gods. Stayed home did a few things , watched movies with pizza and wine. Was suppose to go over to my brothers for a drink and yack today but couldn't be bothered.

rx

[CMF]

Sharing your house....yeah...NO 😊

[Jstar49]

Hey,

yeah I agree, that’s a tough one, sharing your space. Has to feel right, or be completely necessary. Even when I was young it wasn’t great, less so now.
Not sure exactly what’s happening with your d so I didn’t comment, but hope she’s ok and that you can stop worrying. Kids huh. We never stop worrying about them!
My eldest doesn’t want to talk to me these days, so I don’t even know what I need to be worrying about, sadly. She’s close to my mum tho, so she’s not alone.
cheers

J*

[Guest_1584]

Well , unfortunately as predicted , that didn't last long.

Now gf's saying she has to stay or try to stay until her court cases but no one knows when they'll be , nor can anyone even give her any idea or estimate of when. They could be 3mths , 12mths, 18mths, no one has a clue, least of all the lawyer , bloody useless and say they won't know or be notified until 1mth before. Great.

The things is , and yeah as l was saying l can understand gf's defenses and self preservation in it all , especially the future and being scared to even think about it and she is. She's ready for the worst , another case for maybe some positive thinking perhaps , but she doesn;t have the energy for that anyway nor could she bear the let down if it all crashed anyway.

Thing is , so really there's no talk of us , no talk of the future , she won't even say love lately , it only comes out between the lines where she seems to be just not allowing it. lf there was still all that and an us in her words and yeah l get and see glimpses , but that kind of comes across as if maybe it's lost , more than being denied lately, or self preservation.

So l'm basically back to where l've been last few mths bc after my last 7yrs l can't love blindly , or live in hope blindly , l need self preservation too atm and in this. lf she stays till then whenever then even ends up being , there's a fair chance she loses and l never see her again. Or that love is in fact dying or she's talked herself out of it.

Soooo, unfortunately l'm still at square one and l really think l'm better off with the original idea of trying to just go on with my life and if she does end up staying till then , whenever then is , and it is a positive outcome , we maybe see where we're at then.

How else can l handle it , l can't see another way that wouldn't just be fools gold.

rx

[CMF]

Hey my friend

I have to agree with you. It's just not fair to be be hanging onto the unknown. At the same time, I know you'll be wondering if she's ok and what's happening. Do you think you could do just friendship? Check in on her every now and then?

As you said, if things work out for her you can then see where you're at.

If it's meant to be, it will be.

[Guest_1584]

Ahh thanks cm

Yep l agree , she's just chopped and changed and just hasn't said enough for me to leave myself on the line like that.

Friends, tbh that feels like what we are doing anyway lately tbh that's what l was getting at in the other post up there, Sometimes she gets mushy and lovey again , but it's usually very briefly lived and just gone again next minute.

l think l'd rather distance us a bit more tbh, maybe just check in now and then. For me health wise the lesser is better now unfortunately . l couldn't really go for some midway friend thing l'd sooner be one or the other.

[Guest_1584]

look at it this way.

It looks like there's nothing else the lawyers are gonna be doing now until the court case dates arrive , which could be 18mths away. So , lf l'm willing , wouldn't you just come home and spend that time together, yaknow ?

Hell even if they get notice in 3mths, that's 3mths you could be together and living beautifully instead of how she's living now up there, wth wouldn't you ?

Is it just me or does this just not add up . And that's why l'm not leaving myself on the line , what l need to do that just isn't adding up.

rx

[CMF]

Oh for sure. I didn't realise she was able to come home until the court case.

Wow, that gives it a new angle. If she can but won't...Sounds like trying to detach , maybe she's not feeling hopeful, maybe they've the told her might not go in her favour.

Sure, if she cones home, goes back and it doesn't work it will be more emotionally painful, maybe too much.

I think she's given up hope 😔

[Guest_1584]

Well , it's just been looking like she could now just this last few wks and the idiot lawyers are only doing video anyway so she could do that from here if they need her meantime.

Yeah spot though cm , if she comes down and we spend that time then the court cases go against her , it will be 3 x harder emotionally for us both. 3mths ago we'd both decided back then we rather stay detached until we know. lt's been such a roller coaster since though and she's having troubles at where she's staying too so tbh, l've wavered since then now and thought to hell with it lets just do it myself.

But for her though that is still one big angle , she's become very negative about the court cases outcome, she's almost resigned to a negative .

[Guest_1584]

Mind you , 3 days ago she was asking if the airports are open atm and talking coming next mth after the baby. Taking my own selfishness out of the equation , the poor thing just doesn't know day to day which way to turn.