living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Jstar49]

Hey rx,

I'm gona take a leap and say something, even tho I haven't read up on the whole sitch and I may not know what I'm talking about. BUT it sounds like your counsellor friend does, and she sounds pretty solid.

I wouldn't personally see it as she's making any decisions with you in mind, actually. And if her comments and responses are rocking your boat of equilibrium ( and really, tbh who wouldn't be rocked by such rapid contradictions) then its even more important to not try and hold on, or control, or fix it for her. If there's truly nothing you can do, it seems like you have two choices. Possibly a third.

You can be there for her when she rings, txts, contacts. Be empathic and understanding, becos you love her, and want to support her, whether or not you guys end up together. Let her know how you feel but don't put any pressure on her to define how she feels. It sounds like she's under pressure thru a court case..?

OR...You can draw your boundaries. Work out what you want, and say it straight. If you can't have what for you is important and necessary and basic to maintaining some sort of relationship, then cut loose. Tough, painful, but maybe necessary.

Otherwise, it's sounding a bit like you're at the mercy of her feelings, which may change daily, depending upon how she's feeling about this other situation.

I'm sure there's a third option. Maybe it's to continue in limbo land, hoping for the best. If so, you could spend the time practicing self mastery, and other zen practices of non attachment, in order to be happier about whatever the outcome is. As you say, easier said than done.

I feel for you Rx, and hope that things become clearer for you in the days to come.

Cheers,

J*

[Guest_1584]

Hiya j

and thanks very much for the thoughts. Can l ask what you mean by she might not be making decisions with me in mind ?

Tbh , last wk or two l've even wondered if she's lost the love and is just doing a slow fade on me gently letting me down, except why would she tell me only a few wks back she's never loved anyone like she does me- which she's told me 100 other times too.That's the part l don't get yet she can do this .

But hell yeah , courts cases , well two court cases, but it's not just those, l won't go through it all again but they'd be enough to bring anyone undone, but they're only a part of the whole big picture. Sadly, there is much much more to it.

But yeah l've pretty well decided l'm just going on with life and thinking for myself of myself from here, until further notice far as she's concerned . l don't really have a choice. She hasn;t said or insisted on the things l really need to hear from her to give me any reason to put myself and my life on hold any longer or to wait for her like some loyal dog. She just hasn't given me what l need to do that. Matter of fact with the things she's been saying and contradictions , and hasn;'t been saying , l'd have to be crazy to sit around waiting on her.

Mind you , it's not easy , l miss us and having us so much , but you know what , l don't have her telling me that anymore , so even that right there alone you know.

rx.

[Guest_1584]

Not a bad wkend , got some nice little things done , simple easy things , nice for something to be easy and light just for once.

Went canoeing with my brother Sat arvo such a beautiful day just what l needed so badly something again light fun simple nature few drinks , was damn nice.

Heard from gf this morng , nothing much , just putting the feelers out l think. But l dunno , l'm not into games and was by no means meaning anything as a game just genuinely how l was feeling but l just didn't feel like being too lovey dovey or going to any effort under the circumstances and l know it threw her back a bit. l know too well she's got her stuff and a relationship brings on big extra pressures in many ways at those times, But l also feel she could've done things with us differently and could've said things l need to hear too just as much as she does, lf l'm gonna be left hanging on strings.

But anyway , another wk tomorrow, nother dollar , life and whatever else comes along.

Did the cards this morng , still showing love , think it's time l throw them into the next fire unless there's something goin on l don't know about .

rx

[Guest_1584]

Actually , and this has been in my thoughts right through. If the cards aren't just full of it right now and missing a beat for the last 4yrs , which everything else is very accurate so that just doesn't add up. Then either gf's sitch works out , or else it's about ex , which was when it all started. Ex doesn;t make sense though , l can actually feel her but she hasn't shown up anywhere and l've heard nothing from her.

Maybe gf wins her cases , maybe it all works out , one can only dream right, dreams are good.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Gf called this morning on my way back from our main town. l pulled into a side park goes down to a river sat in the sum and we talked a few hours and it was damn nice too, she was her again, the her l know.

She was in a great frame and it was so nice to see. She had a dream that her cases were cleared and done and we were traveling back to my place down from Sydney in the car with the back full of her stuff once and for all at last. She said it was August , ha, bloody August , couldn;t it just be May and be done, don;t mean to sound ungrateful and all but you know. Right when l was just attuning to the idea of maybe having to write us off. But she's dreamed things before there's 1800 yrs of Portuguese/Russian soul in that girl. So l don;t know , don't really wanna entertain the idea really bc dreams can also be just dreams. Mine always are but hers some are some aren't., she knows when they are or aren't but she didn;t say with this one for the same reason l didn't ask. But anyway we were just us , the real us again, without the weight and torment she's been going through. Just for once even if for just awhile, so nice for her and for us. l hope she can hold it even if just for awhile, she needs it so badly.

Sooo, right when l was trying to get myself off it, l'll probably end up nack on that bloody string. Oh well. We see.

[CMF]

August is not too far away. Could you sit tight till then and if nothing happens in your favour then make a decision?

If you do decide to call it quits, would you be interested in meeting someone else or would you be happy to go solo and if things work for her maybe get back together?

CMF x

[Guest_1584]

Ahh but August was only in the dream you see, although it could well fit the real situation too oddly enough.

But yeah , of course , if it really looked like happening. Funny , she said the same as you , August sin't long, well l suppose not but l think it might well have been one of her premonition dreams otherwise she wouldn't have said that, but she just didn;t want to tell me encase it was wrong.

But yeah , if it couldn't work out l would like to meet someone one day. l do want the life now .

[CMF]

So I guess you need to decide how much longer you're prepared to wait.

You're both detaching, protecting your hearts. Are you prepared to wait a few more months?

[Guest_1584]

Tbh , l'm not sure again now if she is protecting hers anymore , she chances so often. We messaged a bit this morning she was like a stranger again and very distant. She did explain how bad she was feeling but l dunno , for me that'd make me want and need her more, but she seems to go the reverse.

Really, l've been mentally and emotionally out of waiting mode awhile now, self preservation and in practicality . And here we are even with our call as nice as it was, now today , exactly what l'd expect lately. lt's better l just go on getting on with life and if August or whenever something does change we'll see what's goin on then.

[CMF]

She did explain how bad she was feeling but l dunno , for me that'd make me want and need her more, but she seems to go the reverse

this is because she knows you can't actually be there so she withdraws. She may need a hug, to feel the comfort and warmth. Being there physically is so different to offering support remotely. We all need that physical contact to keep us connected in that way.

Probably explains why I feel distant in my situation too. We're remote almost except 5 hours on a Sunday.