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living alone
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Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?
No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.
l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.
It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.
But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.
This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.
But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.
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Hi EM,
I watched the TED talk by Rod Bower on social justice and I’m inspired by what he has shared about inclusion! Thank you for sharing!
My bosses are kind and patient people so perhaps I need to keep my own mind open and accept that I can’t anticipate anyone’s reaction. I’m feeling a lot better about it actually. Thanks to you and all on this thread 🙂
Maybe my difficulty earlier in life with ‘fitting in’ has led to some deep-seated fear that I’ll be judged. I try sooooooo hard to fit in anywhere. It’s really annoying - like I can’t relax. Something to talk about with my psych next time for sure!
Big hugs for you too my friend,
Lillylane
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There's timing for ya , thx em. l do have another thread about the gf sitch but this'll do for now. Got too many damn threads .
But anyway ahh, l think l'm dumping the whole thing. been a helluva 9yrs for me hardest of my life to get back to where l was but she's just dragging me down all over again. Doesn't matter what l put into it and the unlimited support l give tirelessly 24 7 , her negativity is just draining the hell out of me, and it hasn't improved , it's worse , and worse.
She's been like that since the day we met , drove me crazy then but l hoped with a new life and us it'd pass, but 2 yrs and it's worse than ever. l finally accept it's just her , she's a glass half empty personality , and she's not too right in the head either l don't think. Nothing changes it. We'll have beautiful times or talk through things , boom , 2days later it's like it never happened and she starts again. l notice a real cycle with her , and many other things. Also notice a nasty passive aggressive streak l must admit , is real, hoped it wasn't for 2yrs , but it is.
l'm afraid l've entered an acceptance stage with it all , no choice. Can't put any more into it it's futile sooooo, not good l'm afraid. like they say , it's not our job to fix a partner and we probably won't be able to anyway.
rx
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Hey RX
I understand your pain my friend and yes it hurts when we are coping with a 'glass half empty' person
How is your daughter RX...I hope she is doing okay
Paul
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Hey EM,
I don’t know if my longer reply has shown up in the thread yet, but thank you I did reply below - thanks heaps for checking on me! I hope you are doing ok!
Lillylane xx
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Gday Paul and thanks very much for the thoughts and wishes, very appreciated.
tbh my friend, glass half empty would be a bit generous , it's just bloody empty , all the damn time, it's exhausting and so bring you down. You have beautiful times or convos or sort something out , usually one of her negatives but boom , a day , next morning , that night, it;s like they just never even happened all over again. There's no getting anything solved or fixed , she just dreams up more , or just forgets .
Thanks for my d man , she's doing ok , we're so proud of her and seeing bits and pieces of her old self again. We've got everything crossed but she seems on the surface to have come so far just melts my heart. l think as l've thought right through , they were wrong about the bipolar too , can that happen ?
l think as l've always thought , it was just a helluva yr for her she was cutting lose after 13yrs of school and then the bf disaster , she just got lost in it all. But at any rate we're just praying she can hold up . Her energies coming back with vengeance too , more of her old self.
Sooo , we see, and cross everything eh.
Cheers mate. rx
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Nive to hear your hanging in there lilly and you are right you know . We can be soooo hard on ourselves with other people but sometimes it just needs a chance.
rx
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Hey RX
I hear you loud and clear....and yes Ive had a GF where the glass was 100% empty...well said! It can be awful
You are a great dad RX....always have been...always will be 👍
Have a relaxing weekend
Paul
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Thanks mate and well , we try , it's all we can do right.
So did you yeah , my God it's relentless isn't it. Admitted;y she is fantastic when l have problems that l can't deny , but an empty glass seeing no goods day in day out , man, l've had it.
You too mate , suppose to rain here but that's fine with me, there's always movies haha.
All the best , hope your ok. rx
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Hey rx
Thanks for responding.
Gee hey? You've invested a LOT in gf, the one thing you know for 100% certain is that you did your best.
You sound very resolute in the realisation that the relationship isn't going to happen.
IDK HOW people can be 100% glass totally empty 24/7 but yeah.... I married one too!
Absolutely infuriating at times.
Seriously this person had SO MUCH to be happy about but was always looking everywhere else on earth about what everyone else had blah blah blah.... well he has a LOT less now!
And nothing can make them happy rx.
It's a serious case of it's not you, it's them.
When a woman has a man who will go to any lengths, as far as they can, to do their very best to make them happy, feel safe... "work thru issues" - hey that's RARE!
If they don't appreciate this person, then they never will.
So sad.
I really hope you go from strength to strength through this. Massive hugs. This stuff sucks.
SO HAPPY to hear d is doing well! YAY! So glad.
Hey MH professionals CAN and do get things wrong at times.
Alexa sees it all the time... like ALL the time... so many of her friends & clients have been mis-diagnosed.
A hard thing to unravel.
Praying you all go beautifully well into the future.
Thinking of you all.
Love EM
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Hey Lilly (sorry for pushing in rx, not sure where else to respond to Lilly but here)
Fr Rod Bower is the man!
Didn't know he had a TED talk! Hahaha.
I know him through our old Church and no matter WHAT a person is struggling with, he's THERE for them. Like100% present and THERE. Helped me so much with the Detectives etc. Just the MAN.
About your struggle with "fitting in".
Brene Brown tells us that this is the OPPOSITE to "belonging"... yep, it's a big concept to wrap your head around.
She explains this more in her Netflix special "The Call to Courage" which I almost know by heart now lolol! She tells us HOW to create that sense of belonging and it's very empowering.
She goes into more detail in her books.
Love always lovely mama,
EM
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