Letting Go

[wanted_a_simple_life]

Im about 4 months into my seperation and it looks like we are not getting back together. My wife has cheated on me for six months now and continues to deny she is in a relationship. She claims I broke her, but she is going out with another person.

I feel like I have failed my kids by not keeping the marriage together, but it was her choice.

Its time to let go, but I find its very hard to do. I cant see myself with another person as she has spoken so many bad things about me, who would ever want me......

[white knight]

Hi lovemykids

self doubt, a common theme. You'd be surpeised how many ladies would want a guy like you. Honest and open to advice is just the start of the person writing here.

As for letting your kids down, no way have you. I left my family home when my kids were 7 and 4yo and felt the same guilt. But I had been abuse for 11 years by silence and laziness. It doesnt matter the reason if you are confident you ahve done your best then nothing else matters. If you have real doubts that your behaviour was wrong and unfair to your spouse then you have got to face this and evaluate it. Many couples have flings in the marriage. It is up to you whether you can return and overcome this. Some can, some cant.

Tony WK

[Jacko777]

Hi LMG73,

I am glad that you have decided that it is time to let go. And as you say, it was her choice, you haven't failed your kids, what you do in the present and the future to be a good Dad is what you could focus on now.

I know it is hard to let go, it can take time, it takes practice, it could be a good time to reassess your passions and priorities for your self, put it on paper, the things that make you happy and at peace, start with a dream and work back to a plan, goals in concrete, plans in sand. Work it back to what you can do now, fill your days with focused activity that heads for your goals, not every day will be a winner but every day you can find satisfaction from knowing that you are on track.

It's one day at a time. I wouldn't give too much thought to who might want to be your partner in the future, you possibly haven't met her yet. It must hurt that your wife won't admit that she is in another relationship, I guess lying is her way of reacting to what she has done. You could practice reminding your self; that is a reflection of her, not me, I relinquish responsibility for her actions. Talk any time.

Jack

[geoff]

dear LMG, it's not your fault that you could not keep the marriage together, couples disagree, times change, tastes change and plenty of other circumstances start to differ, and whether or not couples can accommodate all of this, then they separate.

For you wife to suddenly hook up with someone else, has to make one think about her intentions, so how could it be your fault.

Well she might be saying awful comments about you, but when people realise that she was the one that left, irrespective of why, but then hooked up with someone straight away, they will doubt her honesty and won't believe her.

It may take some time for you to have another relationship, but it will eventually happen, however at the moment you will have to cope with the divorce. Geoff.

[Vegetarian Marshmallow]

Your wife's probably trying to avoid dealing with the social ramifications of separating and having an affair.  She's got to be true to what she wants for herself, which doesn't gel perfectly with what everyone expects of her.  She's afraid of what will happen to her friendships and reputation if she admits her new relationship.

The truth is different for each of you.  To her, you did break her.  To you, she did betray you by having an affair.  It's not a competition.  You're both just separate people who thus have different desires and see the world differently.

You're worried about your kids.  You'll still be there for them in the important ways, though, *whatever* happens, right?