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Jealousy + No sense of belonging

doed03
Community Member
I'm currently in a relationship with my partner for a year and a half. During that time we've experienced our ups and our down, like any normal couple. But I feel as if I'm the reason for the many down's we've experienced.
I feel as if I'm not good enough then I start comparing myself to my partner, feed myself with negativity and just make myself feel worse. And that then leads to me getting angry at my partner when they didn't do anything wrong and bad vibes come about between us.
I tend to get jealous cause of my partner as well. She has a big support network and a huge family whilst I only have family of 4 and not much support at all.
I don't feel as if I have a sense of belonging within her family. Everyone's so close with each other and has known each other for 9+ years and here I am, an outsider! I also struggle from social anxiety, and that tends to make me a bit awkward and shy and i don't know how to make conversation.
I try so hard to talk and build some kind of bond between her family but I just can't. I feel so hopeless to the point where I cry often thinking what's wrong with me and why I can't just be inclusive within the family.
I don't know what to do.
1 Reply 1

Peppermintbach
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello,

I hope it’s okay for me to offer a caring and very gentle welcome to the forums here 🙂

You sound like you’ve been having a tough time. I feel your self doubt, loneliness and feelings of being excluded/left out. That would really hurt...

It must really sting to feel almost as though you’re an outsider (so to speak) with your partner’s family and support network. I really admire your efforts to try connect with them especially as i realise how challenging it would be with your social anxiety. But you still try, which I find very inspiring...

I hope it’s okay if I offer a gentle suggestion. You may or may not find it helpful (or maybe you’ve already tried it as I don’t know) but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to share it anyway.

I was thinking maybe you could try to think about 1-2 people in your partner’s family that you feel most at ease with. Then perhaps you could focus on forming a friendship/ strengthening your bond with those 1-2 people. It’s just a suggestion...

I suppose the reason for my suggestion is I think maybe it can be a little overwhelming to try to get to know every single person in such a huge family. So if you focus your attention on a couple of people, maybe it will be easier to form a bond.

Then maybe once you’re comfortable with those 1-2 people, you can slowly try to get to know one more person...then one more...then another...etc, etc.

I think your feelings of self doubt must be so debilitating. I feel there’s nothing “wrong” with you as you put it.

I think maybe it’s just that connecting with people can be difficult and takes time. Your partner has known those people for a much longer time then you so I feel time plays a factor rather than it being a reflection on you as a person...

From what I’ve read, you seem highly self aware and have a very caring quality. You sound like a very nice person who is worthwhile to get to know 🙂

There’s no rush or pressure but if you’re feeling up to it, maybe you might like to check in again to let us know how things have been since your first post. I feel there are many gentle and kind people here who would like to support you or read along...

Caring and warm thoughts,

Pepper