It's over but how do I .....

[KimAnne]

My bf and I had our first fight yesterday.

Our relationship is over as it was draining my energy and detrimental to my health.

I realised yesterday when he took the word over someone, who he has known for longer but lets him down constantly and he angrily and horribly talks about her behind her back, over me.

I need to get some of my personal belongings from his house and at his farm, but he is not answering my texts.

I have to get these things and get him out of my life permanently.

I want to just sleep forever, my depression and anxiety is high, I just don't think I can cope with all of the hurt and the loss.

I'm seeing my GP on Friday and will discuss with him my current situation.

Does anyone have an idea how I can cope with having to see/talk to him without getting too emotional/angry?

[JessF]

Hello KimAnne, I'm sorry to read this has happened, as you say it sounds like the relationship has not been a healthy one for you. It's good you're seeking some extra help, I'm not sure if when you say 'sleep forever' you're just meaning you're feeling very tired, or whether you're thinking about taking your life? I hope not.

I would suggest if you need to go out there and get your things back that perhaps taking a friend with you might be a good idea. You could even arrange for him to have the things ready and your friend goes in and gets them.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Kim, definitely just take this all day by day. After a break up it's really important to do things that you like to do - do you have any hobbies or passions that you really enjoy? Is there anything that helps with your anxiety? I like to exercise, journal (this can be really helpful in sorting out your thoughts), meditate and watch Netflix. Maybe you can get your stuff in a couple of weeks when you may be on better terms or at least able to have a conversation? If you really need your stuff and he's not answering you could always contact his parents or a sibling of his - that usually gets the point across. It's really great that you got out of a relationship that was draining you and detrimental to your health - congratulations on taking the first step.

[KimAnne]

Thank you JessF,

I did feel a little suicidal whenever I looked at my daily meds, but I'm feeling better today after finally having a decent (my first in months) sleep, luckily I have another 2 days off before working over the Christmas/New Year period.

Thank you for your response.

Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year.

[KimAnne]

Thank you Jessicatherese94,

I felt like walking yesterday evening, I'm not sure why, as i haven't felt like it for ages. So, off I went with the dogs. Felt so much better, although the local mosquitoes were annoying.

I will have to restart a journal, just to get horrible thoughts out of my head. The journal will be chucked into a fire as soon as the weather cools down.

I had a counsellor tell me to only leave behind books/journals that show positive feelings and thoughts. So all others get burnt.

The most difficult part of the break up is my daughter, as she (& I) will miss his horses, we have been caring for them (a few foals). Hopefully in the future we can visit them.

I am no longer concerned about my things at his house, I'll get them later. I do know how to get into his house without a key and still have a key for the farm gate, but my morals won't allow me to do that.

Thanks again for your ideas.

Kim

[geoff]

hi KimAnne, you must be flat out over Xmas working, I'm sure it will be busy, one way to distract you from your troubles, however I would be taking a brother and his extra mates to the house to get what you want, otherwise he may get rid of all of it and that may upset you.
If you were living at the house when you left then surely you would be entitled to get what you want, maybe a window can be lifted up and then pulled out, the same applies to a sliding door.
If you have other people with you then they will keep the situation calm, just move in and take what you tell them to move out if there is any confusion as to who owns an item then just leave it.
It maybe too late to give you this advice, but quickly write down all the important issues that have caused you to feel this way. Geoff.

[Tasa83]

Break ups are tricky anytime.

my last one wasnt the worst but I had stuff at his place. He was quite a big scary guy so I weighed up my options and decided I could replace my stuff. I couldn’t go back. This is me though and I think if you have to get your stuff could you do it when he is not home to avoid anxiety about confrontation?

[CateFFF]

I just wanted to say all the best KimAnne. This is a really hard time for you and so I send you 'virtual' support to get through the pain and decision making. Keep up the walks even if it's hard to get going. You'll be thankful you did in a few months, they'll help with physical and mental fitness and health and therefore resilience and you'll be fit enough to keep enjoying life.