Is it growing apart

[1212]

short intro, Married 12 years.

I feel somedays we are growing apart. I don’t enjoy sex or kissing anymore. Husband quite often says “he can’t do it with anyone else”. Does this mean he wants to? I feel pressured into sex and cave but it hurts me inside physically and mentally. I feel like I am a bad person because he wants to and I don’t. We both love each other but unsure if that is enough for the next 30+ years. 
I met an old flame who I have been working with for 6 months and we get along so well we can talk and laugh and I just don’t get to do that with my husband. He is always on his phone when I am home. I see him watching videos of girls on Facebook. I don’t think he would physically cheat but feel like it is mental cheating. 
I had a night out with the old flame and friends, he walked me home nothing happened. He just held me whilst my drunken ass leaned in him and I just melted inside. I am so lost if I should try and rekindle with the husband or is it time to move on. I am in my early 30s

[Croix]

Dear 1212~

Welcome here to the Forum, a good place to find out what others think.

OK, there are several problems, one being sex. You husband wishes to be intimate and is insistant, and you find it hurts -plus you feel bad about having to give in.

May I ask if you have had a physical exam to find out if htere is any reason for the pain? I would think that anything that you know is going to hurt will make you reluctant. Then again simply giving in wihtout feeling desire might have the same effect.

I've no real idea what you husband means by "can't do it with anyone else" except the possibility it is a form of blackmail, making you feel obliged to accommodate him.

I wonder if you have talked with him and explained the physical difficulties? I would think any husband would be more concerned about your welfare than intimacy, however that's just me

Spending his time looking at videos of girls on his phone does not sound hopeful or as if he is putting you first. Just looking is hurtful to you as they -rather than you - have his interest. It would be a whole different matter if he was fun or interesting to be wiht , however that is not the case at the moment.

Seeing that old acquaintance will have highlighted the lack of companionship at home, you had a good time and had attention paid to you. That probably does not mean that person is the right alternative to your current situation - grass often looks greener ...

Apart from looking as physical issues do you think that the next step might be counseling? Sometimes a third person can bring out things that two people together don't see. I can recommend  Relationships Australia i(1300 364 277) if they have a location near you

It's a very difficult time for you, do you have anyone in your life you can look to for support, a family member or friend perhaps? The only have to listen and show they care about you -not try to "fix" everything. Coping on your own is very hard.

You know you are welcome here anytime

Croix

[randomxx]

ldk op.

He's watching stuff but your actually physically around and with and doting around an old flame, a real person physically next to you. And your mind is probably just thinking about him 24 8 when you are with your h .

So your both otherwise cheating really but your is real and that usually leads to the affair and that usually leads to the marriage breaking up anyway tbh it's text book. Then the old flame gloss wears of grass greener as croix says and it's all no where and lots and lots of hurt. Does h know about all this stuff is going on he should and deserves to.

ldk , if there is any hope for your marriage then the flame has to go for starters and pronto , and you and h need to start talking about things and figuring out how your both feeling and why and what you both want. Counselling or something .

rx