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In a relationship but have an urge to be with someone else

Community Member
I'm in a long term relationship. Things are pretty comfortable and we get along great. I recently met another man who seems to have awoken something within me. I meet many men on a daily basis and have never felt this strongly about someone else. I did feel this way about my current partner when i first met him which was 5 years ago but other than that these are the only 2 guys I've ever felt this way about. I love my partner, but I can't stop thinking about this other man. I think about him every day and part of me wants to see him again. Even if we were to just talk, I would be happy.

The other man and I had some chemistry when we met and if I allowed it to go further, it would have. I let myself feel the feelings I had towards him but I didn't allow myself to act on them despite desperately wanting to. I've only spent a couple of hours with the guy and my thoughts are consumed by him.

I thought maybe it was a fantasy (the other man is very attractive to me), so I attempted to get rid of it by imagining him when I had sex with my partner. It didn't do anything at all. I could only feel like I was with my current partner.

I don't think It's about sex. I really enjoyed being around the other man, the way he made me feel safe and understood. It felt he was there to help me, which he was. He helped me through a difficult time when I was feeling like there was no hope. He made me feel empowered and I appreciated that. He was so knowledgeable and I respected him. I guess it felt nice having a man i was attracted to treat me so well.

When it was time to leave the other man, all I wanted to do was continue talking with him. I can't explain how much i loved talking to him and simply being in his presence. It wasn't necessarily 'I wanna f his brains out and kiss him all over' like what you would usually think when lusting after someone. Not to say I wouldn't want to do that, because I do find him very attractive and there is sexual energy there between us but if I had to choose between the two id say i rather sit some place quiet and simply talk with him.

I don't know how to figure out my thoughts. I'm so confused and I love my partner but at the same time this other man has had such an impact on me for some reason. It's seriously frustrating that someone i met once can consume my thoughts so much.
12 Replies 12

Hi auschic

you can use search above to seek out similar situations members have posted on eg I searched under “crush”



Community Member

Hi Auschic- I think I’m in the exact same position as you.

I can see you posted this some time ago now but I’d love to know if and how you resolved your situation?

It’s so tough to navigate when you are in it yourself 😞

Community Member

Hi auschic.

What you are experiencing is not uncommon and very normal (for some) who experience difficulties with who they are as a person. When people are committed and healthy, they do not ever feel the need to sail into someone else's tropical island getaway.

What you are 'feeling' is unhappiness with yourself. You are not happy with some part of you and believe that another person will fill the gap within yourself. Being committed m e a n s that you are comfortable with who you are, it means you can flirt and window browse without the need to try anything out, it means you are mentally and physically healthy, it means you have self- compassion and compassion for your partner, it means that you know what you want and it also means that you are committed to yourself and your partner.

When one starts to "let themselves go" it means that you are struggling to accept yourself and accept your partner for they are. It means stopping contact with anyone outside of your bubble and seeing a health professional to help improve your mental wellness.

Focus on you, let go of bad and inappropriate thoughts, think of ways for you and your partner to enjoy yourselves, take him out on a date, make things exciting because if you jump ship, you will be in the same cycle and this will continue on and on and on.

Put yourself first and make what you have right now the best life that you and your partner could ever have.

Good luck with your journey and live a prosperous life on your own island with your partner.