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What to do if wife wont allow our child to see grandparents

Blue12
Community Member

To be begin My wife and my mother dont like each other and so my wife will not allow me to bring our child to see my mother. Any thoughts.

If i try to to bring up this issue with my wife, it ends up in a quarrel.

12 Replies 12

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

If your mother provides a safe loving environment for her grandchild without mentioning any negativity to your child about your wife then excluding your child from your mother purely on your wifes dislike of her MIL is wrong.

It also highlights your wifes domineering attitude towards you the father THAT HAS EQUAL RIGHTS TO YOUR CHILD'S LIFE.

In this case your wife is saying I'm the boss, what I say goes. She believes she can over rule you. That is not right.

I suggest you make a call to Relationships Australia.

Many grandparents suffer due to being excluded from their grandchildren's lives. If there is no justification then you should consider counseling

TonyWK

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi blue

I too want to welcome you to the forum.

It is sad when adults not liking each other affects the child.

Have they disliked each other from before you were married or has it started since the child was born?

I know of families where in laws don't get on with each other and so cousins don't get to see each other growing up.

Quirky

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Blue,

Im so sorry you find yourself in such an awkward situation.

I am a grandmother who doesn’t see her grandchildren, and my heart breaks daily thinking about not seeing them grow up..My heart goes out to your mother, like me her heart would be breaking doily. she has a beautiful grandchild that she cannot give her love to..

I really would hope that you can find a way to take your child to see your mum, it’s just so unfair on both your child and your mum...

Is their anyway that you and your wife can sit down and discuss this together..Does your child see your wife’s parents..if so fair is fair and you should be able to take your child to see your mum...his grandmother...

kind thoughts,

Grandy..

Blue12
Community Member

Thanks all for your replies.

The thing is that it was my mom that started it all. She just said inappropriate things to my wife. And wifey had enough of it. She is saying my mom has narcissist like behaviours that i dont disagree. I know my mom hurt her in a way but wife had her chance to show and tell my mom that she doesnt like her and even yelled to my mom. They are not talking to each other now.

My wife reason is that she is still hurt and if my mom sees our child she remember all those that happened.

There are no issues with her parents we can always see them. But not my relatives. It is a totally different story.

MischaB
Community Member

Sorry to hear of your family conflict.

Could you talk to your wife about you taking the kids to visit your parents? That way your wife could have some child free time, she doesn't need to see them and you can keep an eye on how they interact with the kids (to ensure it is positive)? You could suggest a quick visit (dropping in for a cuppa)?

I hope things improve soon

SubduedBlues
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Blue

perhaps not the ideal solution, but if the issue is between your wife and your mom, invite your dad over to see your kids. You go pick him up and bring him to the house. Your wife really shouldn't complain as its not him she has an issue with.Then later, have mom cover over to collect dad. Then mom has a reason to be there too.

I guess I am saying, if you can't take your child to your parents, bring your parent to your child.

Also, have a look into the Leiutenant's cloud and the Evaporating' cloud from the Theory of Contraints. they are great tool's for resol'ving' con'flicts.'

Sorry, my quote' k'ey i's st'u'ck' 'o'n''.

S"B

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Blue12~

The following are just my views based on my experiences, which may not be identical to yours. I'm not suggesting any course of action, merely recounting my own efforts.

Sometimes there are rifts between parents and an offspring's partner. This can leave the partner feeling isolated and not the person who is first in the relationship.

My own history was that way, my mother behaved in a most unacceptable manner to my intended bride, and unfortunately my father felt this was quite appropriate. It ended up with a permanent separation between myself and my parents. Not altogether a bad thing as it turned out. Apart from anything else my wife came to understand clearly my affections were not divided.

It did mean I took direct and blunt words to my parents, and sadly the rift followed. I have no regrets although at the time it took some fortitude to speak plainly.

I'm not sure that your wife's speaking harshly to your mother is enough. Right or wrong I felt it my duty to tell my parents (quite emphatically) that were in error. Even an apology from your mother (if that was possible), may not heal things.

May I ask if your father is involved? Perhaps if not there may be a way your kids can see at least one grandparent.

Who knows, over time that may soften everyone's stance.

Croix

Esstee
Community Member
Hi Blue12,

It has been a while since you posted your concern. I have found myself in a similar situation (except the tension is between my husband and my mother & siblings). As his wife, I'm stuck in the middle and I'm not allowed to take my son to visit my family. We still see his family.

I wonder how things are going for you and how/if the situation has improved.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Welcome estee

Thanks for commenting on another thread. As you have noted it has been nearly 2 years anyone has commented.

if you would you like support you may want to start your own thread.

I am sad you find yourself in this position. Have you spoken to his mother and siblings and your husband about what happened.

take care