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I think I want to break up with my partner ..?

thoughtscollide
Community Member

Hello everyone..

I don't know whether it is because of my depression, or whether I really want to? I feel awful because she is good to me, she has helped me so much this year. I feel ungrateful because of her generosity but I don't think I am in love with her. I have been working on myself these last few months, it has been long overdue. But, I just keep having this thought that we are not right. I just feel awful and sad about it. I do really care about her but something is not right. I don't know what it is. I love her but I am not in love with her. I would rather be honest with her than keep on going like this. I keep waiting for the 'right time' knowing full well that there is no right time. Thanks, I hope I made sense

13 Replies 13

MarkJT
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

thoughtscollide, one very tough situation that you are in that is for sure.

Can i ask have you been diagnosed with depression and if you have, are being treated? The reason I ask this is that it may very well be the depression speaking.

Throughout my experience with PTSD, depression and anxiety, I have been totally fascinated by what my thought patterns have been. Thoughts that are completely not me but it is not me thinking it, it is one of the mental health conditions that i have.

Lets say that you have been diagnosed and are being treated, I think i would err on the side of caution and just see how the treatment goes. It may be that you start to think a bit more clearer and the decision you have to make, will become clearer because of this.

Lets say that you are being treated, I would like for you to get to the GP ASAP, talk it out and get a mental health plan. The sooner you get onto this, the sooner you can start your recovery.

Keep posting back and we will work through this.

Mark.

Hey

Yup, diagnosed, on anti d's, seeing a psychologist. I think erring on the side of caution is a good idea. Considering that I have been about the quick fix, the quick solution, need it done right now kind of thing my whole life. I get ahead of myself and then I have to remember to breathe.

hello Thoughtscollide, a good reply from Mark, and yes at the moment take it slowly, because once you are able to overcome this depression and you have pushed her away then you may regret what you have done.
All she is doing is trying to help you, so you must realise that when someone has depression they tend to push away the ones they love, that's the illness doing this.
You do love her but not in love with her, well it's impossible when you are struggling with depression, take a deep breathe and don't push her away, she obviously loves you very much. Geoff.

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi thoughtscollide,

I'm in a similar boat but for me it's more my relationship anxiety that I'm worried is making me think of breaking things off.

I think the best thing is to take things slow in the relationship, and try to enjoy the time as much as you can. Do things that both of you like, as you would normally, and create some fond memories that you can both look at. But also make sure you continue to see your psychologist.

James

Hi Geoff. Thank you for your words. I definitely don't want to lose her. I guess I am feeling guilty for feeling like this. And yes, depression makes you want to push people away. I forget that sometimes. The mind can get a little fuzzy.

Hi James. Thanks so much for replying. How long have you been in your relationship? It can be quite challenging enough without the mental illness stuff thrown in also. I have gotten myself into the habit of doing meditation over the last few months. It definitely has helped with my breathing and thinking. I guess sometimes the thoughts get the better of me, and the doubts creep in.

Hello, it's only been about 2 1/2 months. The previous was 4 years and I could pretty confidently, now in hindsight, say that the same thing happened in that relationship. But rather than enjoying my time, I kept thinking, pondering, testing...so I'm hoping I've learnt my lesson!

James

thoughtscollide, excellent that you are being treated, great news.

With your attitude about the quick fix, that really resonates with me for sure so know what that is like.

Your idea about remembering to breathe is spot on. Lets just slow this right down, do not make any hasty decisions and do not ever forget that your thoughts are being clouded at the moment.

When you start to get on top of your depression, things will be clearer and then you can make a good sound decison.

Mark.

Queseyoya
Community Member

Hello thoughtscollide,

I have found your post very insightful. My husband is suffering from anxiety and also says he loves me but is unsure whether he is in love with me. He has left to be on his own and try to find himself before coming to a conclusion.