I'm 30 and for as long as I can remember I have always struggled to make and keep friends. In high school there was a group of 20 of us, but I was the butt of all jokes, trusted no one and was made to feel small. So much that at my 10 yr reunion i had 3 of the 20 apologise for the way they treated me. The people i'm 'friends' with now I stumbled across at a pub crawl 10 yrs ago (I had gone to school with them) and even now I feel I still don't fit. Or when I think i've bonded with someone, I get 'dumped' for someone else. In all my jobs i've had, I either had a supervisory role or worked with people twice my age. I have no interests or hobbies.
I recently had my first child and thought mum's group would be a fresh start, I am the youngest and they all already have mum friends outside of the group. But for some reason, we didn't get invited to one kid's party. I can't for the life of me figure out what I did to this mum that caused her to invite everyone else but us. It broke my heart and sent me into a downward spiral, because up until now my issues around this only affected me, but now it is also affecting my child.
I don't know what to do, I feel like I can't win no matter what I do. I put myself out there and get shut down. I have no close friends, I trust no one except my husband. I can't figure out where I am going wrong or how to fix myself. I know I have some walls up in some aspects of my life, but try to put them down.
I want to get out more with my child, but I work 4 days a week and struggle to find time to get out on that one week day off.
