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I'm trying not to sound petty.....

Mum574
Community Member

It was my birthday yesterday and my husband completely forgot. Not the first time he's forgotten, but this time it's different - it seems to hurt more than it ever has, and I don't know why. He only realised it was my birthday when one of his family members phoned to wish me a good day. Husband said oh, happy birthday and then left for most of the day to do something he'd already planned.

This one hurts more than the time he gave me a REALLY crappy present, because he just plain forgot. I understand that we don't have a lot of money and it's not like I want a diamond necklace or even dinner at a fancy restaurant, but something would have been nice. I do a lot around here. He will mow the lawn and sometimes do the dishes or vacuum. Anything else, nope.

I told him why it made me sad/cranky but he simply just does not care, and is more grumpy at me for being upset. I'm so upset that honestly, if he walked out the door, I wouldn't chase him.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

5 Replies 5

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

Mum574,

Hi. I hope you do not mind me saying... Happy belated birthday. I am truly sorry that he forgot your birthday. The other thing that I want to mention is that I only have your post about forgetting the birthday, and how he does little around home. I hope then you won't mind if I ask some questions...

Is your husband open about things? ie Do you both talk about things much? Does he tell you what concerns him? Or does he bottle things inside himself? Did you ask him why/how he forgot?

From your post is seems to me like you (at this moment in time) are going in different directions. I have said this in other posts but (in my opinion) relationships are a two-way street, and compromise and communication. It sounds like you are doing all the work within this relationship. Unfortunately.

Could it be that all the negatives you "see" came out when he forgot your birthday?

Now I would have hoped that he would have seen your side of the story if/when you explained this to him. You said that he was "more grumpy at me for being upset".

Please tell me what you are looking for? Are you merely venting? Are you asking where the relationship is heading? How much does he care?

If I were in your shoes.... I would try to have a serious "deep and meaningful" conversation with my partner about how I feel. And the conversation is not to put the other person down. Rather see it as a review of where things are at in relationship, and where to go from here. Where do you want to go from here? And hopefully, your partner will see where you are coming from and take the ride with you. A husband/wife is a team, hopefully traveling in the same direction.

Hope that my response is OK.

Tim

Mum574
Community Member
I guess I'm just sad and annoyed that he can't be bothered to make one day a bit special.

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Mum574

I get what you're saying. I'm wondering how long you've been married? For my husband and I it's 28 years.

I've found that while we both still love each other, sometimes life gets in the way and it's easy to take each other for granted.

Sometimes he's forgotten special occasions, mostly our anniversary, and it's annoying and it hurts. He also doesn't understand if I get upset because he thinks I should know by now that he loves me. He doesn't see it as a big deal.

I must admit that over the years I've also been less than thoughtful on occasion and forgotten to acknowledge him. Not because I didn't love him, but because at the time between work, kids, dog, house and extended family I just had nothing left to give.

I don't know if this helps you but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.

We've been married 18 years. And I'm just mostly upset that he didn't even attempt to say sorry for forgetting about it. And when he made his plans for the day, he would have had to have looked at the calendar and was completely oblivious as to the date. I think that's why it hit me so hard this year.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I'm feeling a little bit better now the initial grumpiness has worn off 😉

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Mum574

No worries. You take good care. Posr any time