Dear Helen
That is a very courageous thing to do, setting boundaries for your husband. I said earlier that we have threads from wives (usually) saying much the same as you. Usually there is some sort of mental illness such as depression. Not necessarily all the time though. Partners move away for a multitude of reasons.
I think there is little point in trying to work out why your husband left or why he is staying away. It just adds to your hurt and unhappiness. He may be stubborn or nasty as you have said, he may be unwell. I don't need to list the possible reasons to you. The bottom line is it looks like he has gone for good leaving you to pick up the pieces.
When you say his belongings are still at your house, do you mean personal stuff like clothes? Or does he own pieces of furniture etc which are more difficult to move from house to house. Presuming it is personal items, why not pack them up and tell him they are at your front door. Sounds bit final doesn't it? Well just a thought.
I agree you have the right to set boundaries and if he wants to return you both will need to agree the rules.
You said earlier he ignored his daughters at one time. Is it possible he finds it difficult to have relationships with his daughters and you at the same time. I gather from an earlier post there is some tension between you and at least one daughter. Always difficult with adult children who have left home and are living their own lives. They expect to be treated as adults, which is fair enough, but they also want parents to help them out no matter if the problem is big or small.
And parents can also feel neglected when their children leave and are making their own life. My home felt incredibly quiet when all my four children left for various reasons. I think masked the difficulties in my marriage so when the children were gone it was all made clear. I left my husband nearly 18 years ago. No dependents which was good. I was working and I had a house built for me and I still live here. I did unfortunately fall into a huge depression. You would think I should be happy at the move, and I was. Just shows we should never underestimate the black dog.
Love to know how you go.
Mary
