I'm a new mum & I feel like I'm trying

[Popsicle]

Hello,

i have a 4month old baby girl who is beautiful. She is such an amazing baby. We laugh and smile all day. I take her to playgroups and the library which she loves. I'm involved in a Mothers group with some lovely ladies, but none that I've really 'clicked' with, or have the same sense of humour. The past few weeks I feel like I'm in a slow decline. We live in a city that is a 4hr flight from my best friend and mum. I'm having more 'can't be bothered' days and I don't feel 'bored' but just fed up and sad. Im hating where we live even though there's nothing to hate. I'm pushing my husband further away with my moods and snapping and I am apathetic. I feel ungrateful because there are so many amazing things in my life. . . I have a counselling appointment booked next week. I'm not entirely sure what else to do? I speak to my friends on the phone, my husband flew my bestie up for my birthday and it was amazing, I felt more me & had fun!

I just don't enjoy anything in life at the moment except my little girl. I'm just sad ...

[blondguy]

Hello Popsicle

Welcome to the forums and good on you for being proactive by posting and saying hello

Being a guy I will do my best to respond to you until one of our 'mums' posts back if thats okay 🙂

This would be difficult for you as you are still a 'new' mum. My daughter felt the same way as you do now with my grand daughter and it can be a drain on the brain for sure being a new mum.

Being in a city that is 4 hours away from your mum and best friend would be very difficult for you as its important to be in close proximity to them during these early years of being a mum. That said you are amazing for engaging the support network you have with having friends on the phone as well as having a counseling appointment already booked too...Nice1 🙂

I know you are a legend for being as proactive as you are Popsicle.......can I ask you if you have a local GP that you get along with? (I still see mine every 4 weeks for a fine tune with my depression)

You are not only intelligent but a good mum for shouting out to us. You shouldnt feel ungrateful in any way Popsicle. You are going through a emotionally tough time in your life at the moment and deserve all the support you can get. Please dont feel like you are ungrateful in any way. I also have many amazing things in my life too but our journey can be hard sometimes

The forums are rock solid secure for you Popsicle and there are many gentle people that can be here for you.

Just out of respect for you, I have been on the forums since January 2016 after being made redundant after having depression. I have met so many super gentle supportive people here since.

You made me smile when you said you and your amazing baby laugh and smile all day. You speak from the heart not to mention your wonderful talents as a new mum

You are more than welcome to post back as many times as you wish Popsicle 🙂 This is your thread and your input is just as important as mine or anyone else's on the forums

Popsicle mentioned " She is such an amazing baby. We laugh and smile all day. I take her to playgroups and the library which she loves"

Your privacy is paramount on the forums. I hope you can post back when you wish

My kindest thoughts for you and your wonderful new baby girl!!

Paul

[MarkJT]

Hey Popsicle, first off, I also want to welcome you to the forums. A super safe and supportive place it is and you have done really well coming here to post.

Have you read the manual that tells you how to be a mum, how to look after a baby, how to maintain the relationship with hubby, how hubby's respond to baby's and how hubby's respond to their wives who have had a baby?...i will no because one does not exist!

What I am getting at is that you have undertaken one of, if not the biggest event a female can go through. You grew a baby, gave birth (thank god i am not female because there is not a chance in hell i would do it!!!) and now you have this little bundle of joy to take care, which you are doing really well. At the same time, you have to adjust to a new life.

Things have change massively and even though the brain is incredibly powerful, it does take time for the dust to settle and things to return to what is the new normal.

Not for one second am i not validating your feelings and thoughts, I am and that is what brought you here, what I am saying is that so much has changed in a pretty short amount of time so do not be to hard on yourself.

It is brilliant that you have an appointment with a counselor next week, that is such a positive move.

In the mean time, it would be a good thing if you downloaded an app called, "Smiling Mind" which will teach you mindfulness. Mindfulness is all about living in the present and not worrying about the future nor the past. I use it heaps to calm myself down and I believe that it is a life lesson that everyone should learn, like swimming.

It will have a dual benefit in that once your little girl gets older, you can teach her and help her become super resilient.

Hope to hear back on how you are going.

Mark.

[CMF]

Hi Popsicle and welcome,

It sounds familiar and common. I'm glad you have an appt coming up. I'm wondering, were you working before buns? It is a big change from working to being a mum. It's great you have mothers group etc but yes it can be hard to click and find common ground besides babies.

Hope to hear more from you.

CMF x

[CMF]

Forgot to add, you're probably still waking during the night so broken sleep doesn't help. Does hubby help out at home? As mums we are expected to keep everyone happy, kids, hubby, household but you need to think of yourself too and doing what you enjoy. Do you have hobbies or can you leave buns with hubby and do something for you?

[Pitstar]

Hi Popsicle.

Well done for getting through the "4th trimester," it's a wonderful but challenging time.

I was in exactly the same position as you when I had my baby. We lived 3500km from home. I understand what you're going through. Add a lack of sleep to the mix and it's hard to stay positive.

For me I found that I eventually found a couple of good friends through a new Mother's group that I tried and it helped to ease the loneliness. When my baby got to the stage where he went for longer periods between feeds and could be left with my husband for a few hours, I found life got a lot easier.

Good luck. You aren't alone in feeling isolated, being a Mum to a small bubba is hard work and lonely, but things get easier over time.

[Popsicle]

Thank you very much it means a lot. My husband is great, I've started going to yoga regularly and doing a mums and bubs class. There's good days and bad but we'll be ok x

[Popsicle]

Thank you so very much, your words mean a lot. I've started a mums and bubs yoga and we've booked a week holiday back home which has made the world of difference to my mood. I don't feel so 'stuck'. We're working on babies night sleep too which will also help. There's good days and bad but speaking on this forum and getting replies helped so much. Thank you!!

[Popsicle]

Thank you so much for your reply! It made such difference. Knowing what I'm feeling is normal is good to know. I use the 'mind the bump' app it's the same creators as smiling mind but specific for pre/post natal. I take her to yoga and I'd love to promote meditation and mindfulness within our family. One day at a time

[CMF]

Popsicle,

It brought a smile to my face to see you sounding more positive. Please free to post whenever you need to. It sounds as though you are doing all the right things.

cmf