I Know I`m Not The Only One....

[Charsybee]

There`s a lot of parents out there in the same situation as me, so I`ve been told, many times over! I`m estranged from my adult son. And I don`t know why? I have tried to contact him, but I`m being blocked. He pulled away from us 4 and a half years ago. And I find that I seem to go though different periods in my life where I`m coping fine, and then I find my son is on my mind constantly. I become teary, and feel lost, not understanding what happened? What did I say? What did I do? I need to know so I don`t make the same mistakes. But he won`t communicate with me. I try to talk with family and friends about my feelings, and I feel they sympathize, but they don`t really want to talk about it. That, I`m over reacting, and should work on myself. This situation, I know there`s nothing that can be done. It just hurts so much. Just needed to get my thoughts out there, as I don`t feel like I have a voice. I only wish I knew what I did wrong??

[randomxx]

Hi there op.

And very sorry to hear of the situation. l'd just say first up though , only you know what really happened and what had been said and happening in the relationship between you and you son before this, if anything at all was. People in this situation and l've known a few and l've been there myself too,  sadly l notice have a few times seemed to skip that part of things in their own mind it seems.

But if there was anything going on or things said in that last 6 or 12 mths, only you know the real story , not saying there was, but as l say some l've know conveniently say all was well and it's not even my business but it has later come out that there were things. And l know in my own situation there were and reasons too even though def' not intentional from me that was for sure.

Not saying for you there were or there weren't , just saying it's a time where you need to be 100% honest with yourself if no one else, about how things were before this and leading up to this. You need to dig within your own knowings if you don't know, and scratch around in there and figure it out if anything.

Not saying there was.

The second thing l'm thinking is there's only so much l could say to others and l found the same with my own situation at the time too. The other thing is people in general even family are very very short sighted and so unless it's them and there''s it'll all be ok just brush it off, yeah right.

But then l;m also thinking maybe if you are right and there was absolutely nothing and that might have been the case for you, no idea. But l come from a huge family myself, well over 10 l'll say yet even now in 50s , l've thought about disappearing , and back to even in 20s too.

Maybe it's just me l am a weird one always have been but l've also never liked answering to anyone and l've also seen through my family even back in teens. Maybe my expectations were too high, dk , but they were rarely real family or real brothers and sisters, not when it really counted. So to me any fuss was simply just fake and there was still heaps of fuss and maintenance and huggies but to me it all just seemed bs.

So they're some of the reason why l'd thought of disappearing.

ln your case though , l don;t think it'll be forever bc if things were good between you then he'll probably realize that at some point and show up again.

All the best anyway.

rx

[Charsybee]

Dear Rx

Thank you for reaching out. And obviously individuals can say whatever they want regardless of the truth or perception. All I know is that, the only thing I`ve been told is that I over stepped the boundaries. I asked to many questions about his life and wanted to see him more. Maybe I was smothering him, but I felt at the time I was lucky to physically see him once a month. I would text him, maybe every couple of weeks to see how he was going? He`s now in his early 30`s and had been smoking weed since he was around 16-17 yrs. I don`t know if this has affected him in someway. All I know is that I don`t know the full story, and am worried that I never will. I`m a cancer survivor, stage 4 stomach, and I`m worried that I may get sick again. That I may never get the chance to make amends, or get things right within our family. What bothers me the most is I feel like I don`t have anyone to talk to about it, or anyone who would understand. Because I have tried to communicate my feelings, but it doesn`t seem to help me to try to live a life. And after having cancer I realise how short it is, and I feel like I`m wasting it. 

Thank you for your best wishes,

Warm Regards,

Charsybee

[randomxx]

Hi again op and very sorry to hear all that.

But eh at least you've been honest with yourself and aware of things then , tell you many aren't.

lt's really heartbreaking when we can't care too much isn't it. l have to be really careful atm if l say just one thing too many she'll back right away but yet she needs us right now- but she doesn't, yaknow, we're not suppose to do a damn thing.

Her poor mum can not say anything, nothing, be too this or that- or not. She's living over at hers right now so at least l get time to think between but it's been really hard for her day in and out.

The weed yeah, can really mess with him as you prob know, hopefully he's not doing too much though and it might just be more about some space and his own person for now. lt doesn't sound too bad on your part though then your just being a mum and parent like us really, l know he'll appreciate it again one day.

There's lots of experience around here though and hopefully others will find you here and help out more. l know it's that damn hard but it's kinda like we're just suppose to relax and not giva shyt, until they feel like it again isn't it.

rx