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I don't know what to do

Community Member

So my now ex and I had been together for 4 years. We often said we were basically soul mates, as we got along so well, had so many interests in common and we've never really had an argument.

For about a year or so though the relationships been rocky. We've technically split up and got back together a couple of times, we keep getting stuck in a rut with our relationship. We've broken up again, but this time he's actually moved out back to his parents so we can get some space.

We've basically agreed that we don't work well together at the moment, since we've found ourselves stagnating, not really doing much to benefit ourselves, we've gained weight, become really lazy and we feed off each others bad habits.

But through everything, I really am afraid to lose him. We've tried working things out as a couple but we don't have it in us at the moment it seems to keep a relationship going, we'd both rather focus on just ourselves.

But I'm afraid that when we reach those goals and have bettered ourselves that he will have either moved on or not want to be with me anymore.

Should I just try and move on? With how many times we've broken up and got back together, I'm scared to talk to him about things in case he things I'm trying to get back together right now, and get annoyed or something. I don't know what to do.

Deep down I really do love him, we spoke so much about getting married, starting a family in a few years, getting a house together but now there's nothing and I don't want to end up losing him.

1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hi QuietLily,

I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. It can be incredibly hard to know what to do when someone you love is also causing so much uncertainty.

You've mentioned you would both rather focus on yourselves right now, so I wonder how you would feeling taking a break from your relationship with your ex and focus completely on yourself for a few weeks. You could talk to your ex and try to take a short-term break, whilst still remaining friends. That way you have time to get back in touch with yourself, but will not be losing the comfort of the friendship.

It might also be worth reflecting on your relationship and writing a pro and con list on getting back together again. It will allow you to reflect on the happy moments and why you were together, and also allow you to consider the issues with your relationship, and rooms to improve on if you do decide to get back together.