I can't accept the loss.

[Mr K]

I need help, I just can't come to terms with the thought that my relationship might be over. I've compromised so much to be in this relationship that I don't even know who I am anymore. I know things are not perfect but they could be so much worse, there isn't anything that couldn't be made good again if we both tried. The problem is that now my wife feels like it isn't worth trying anymore. I feel completely blindsided by this, recently we bought a new house together, I thought this was an indicator that there was a place for me in her future but now I'm so unsure I can barely function. I'm terrified that I will fall apart if she leaves me and takes away my children, even if we share custody my little girls are my world. I'm so so sad that this could be the end, I just want us to be happy together and to support each other through the tough times. Things really didn't seem so terrible and I don't know how leaving would make it any better. I'm lost and very alone, my family are in Ireland I'm in Brisbane. My friends are my wife's friends, I have noone I can talk too. I can't even bring myself to tell my parents as this will break their heart too. If I loose them I loose myself, I hate that it sounds so dramatic but it's my reality, my very worst nightmare. help me please.

[Jayne106]

Mr K

I feel for you during this time. My husband has recently walked out on my boys and I. Completely blindsided.

could your wife be suffering from depression? I believe my husband is suffering and it is breaking our family.

Can you suggest to your wife that you seek counselling together or separately to try and see if you can communicate together.

I can feel the hurt in your post and I totally understand how you are feeling. We are all shattered and we are hoping each day my husband seeks help and eventually comes home but he has left for 2 weeks then decided to rent a house for 12 months! He has been very irrational with his actions and I am heartbroken.

Can you confide in any of your friends? Otherwise speak to a gp and get some help with counselling

Here if you need to talk. This forum has been a life saver for me

[B_bear]

Hi Mr k

In feb this year my wife left. Whilst it’s been a pretty rough time since due to a custody battle the shock of separation has lifted and life is ok and getting better daily. Hopefully you will not go down this path but if you do it will hit hard but can get better!

if u do not have family or friends in oz reach out to who u can. A gp, councillor etc. someone u can vent to. Or on this forum.

stay strong for your girls. if u do seperate stay busy but take time to grieve, exercise and focus on rebuilding and bettering yourself are all things I have done that helped. That and talking it through and just being the best dad You can be.

It’s actually brought me closer to my kid. All the best

[Mr K]

Thanks for the reply,it does help to talk even if it doesn't fix the issue. I've spoken to a GP so I can get a Mental Health Care Plan, I've reached out to other support services too but I know I'm in for a rough journey. I just don't know that I'm as resilient as you, I can't imagine being separated from my kids, even if we had joint custody it wouldn't be enough, I need to see and hear and touch my little ones every day they are so special to me. I'm overwhelmed by the thought of being a single dad with limited support and frankly being a bit hopeless with finances and stuff like working full time and school drop off pick ups to consider. I just don't know how to begin. I'm also terribly afraid that this will harm my kids, I can't bear the thought that a choice I or their mother makes will cause them so much stress and upset.

[Mr K]

Thanks Jayne, yes my wife is very unhappy, our relationship is an element but it isn't the whole. She is seeing a psychologist although she has only just told me this. My first reaction was That's great, I was genuinely pleased she was seeking help but now I'm just so terrified that she is seeking help to leave, not to try and make things work. I'm too afraid to ask her a direct question in case it's bad news and if she has confided in a friend they haven't shared with me. I would definitely go to couples counselling or a relationship coach, whatever it takes. I'm ready and willing to have another go at repairing our relationship I just don't really know if my wife wants to. I'm a hard worker and a good dad, I help out around the house I'm not a bad person but I don't know what else to do. I don't seem to know when to give space or when to try and do something. It's extremely confusing as we still have arrangements in place for future dates including stuff next year. I don't know if I'm just being strung along until she has her arrangements in place or if maybe there is a glimmer of hope that we can try again, it is literally tearing me apart. I'm sorry to hear about your situations too, it's all so horribly common isn't it.

[B_bear]

Yes the pain and toll I expected for my children was by far the worst part of it for me.

In reality thankfully they have been ok and from what I hear most cope well if the parents work with their interests at heart.

As for resilience for me it’s unlikely more than you, I’m just a little further along the process. I still have some bad days, but hopefully they will be even less when all the formal stuff is to the side. Being a single dad has its challenges but has it’s own set of rewards. I think if anything the bond between my children and I is even stronger, even if I don’t have as much time with them as in the past.

It’s good you have sort some profession help. I think that was a good move. Certainly helped me in those rougher first months. All the best keep in touch