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Hurt

Guesy_839
Community Member

Hi,

So, my mum and dad have little to no relationship with me, and they’ve done things that make me not want a relationship with them anymore. Things like slapping, hitting and I was once chased with a coat hanger. I had a fight with my mum, and she hit me on the back of the head and told me everyone looks at me with disgust because I’m blunt, maybe a little cynical and I’ve stopped speaking so much.

With my dad, he was never there for me and my best friend told me I was probably emotionally neglected. I grew up sad, and spent lots of my early childhood spending as much time as I could at my other friends’ houses, and imagining stories of me having another dad, particually my twin friend’s dad, who we’ll call Felix. Felix adopted my two friends, “Elise” and “Elsa”, and was a great single dad to the girls, which was incredible, as Elise has schizophrenia and Elsa has had childhood anxiety since she was 4. He also has a job that requires him to have like a recording studio or something in his house, and I remember when I was younger, he took 7 kids on a “tour”, and let us record a song.
My dad just ignores me, and after things he has said to me, as well as my mum, I don’t want a relationship anymore. They also don’t call me my preferred name, which hurts like hell.

I didn’t have a happy childhood, and I’m not happy now.

I have no idea what to do.

Sierra.

8 Replies 8

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Sierra, it's really sad to hear children don't want a relationship with their parents, but I know this happens quite a lot and it's so disappointing but sometimes that's their only option as they're not treated with respect.

There are many stories people have told me about their parents, either mother or father, who have physically hit them for no reason at all, this does so much damage to their confidence and certainly their self-esteem.

Other severe illness may suddenly appear, as these illnesses may have been there but have been suppressed or somehow hidden away, no different than when we pretend that everything is OK.

It's important people know who they can contact, sometimes they are frozen as to know what to do, it's happened to me many times during my life, but as I'm 63 many things were unknown then and told 'it will be better tomorrow'.

I'd really like to hear back from you, but at this hour of the day, I'm about to log off, as I start very early in the morning, about 1.30 am.

Hope to hear back from you.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Terry73
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello Sierra,

I feel so upset when I hear of how children can be abused by their parents, not just physically, but emotionally starved of the care of parents. I do need to know something first, without revealing your age fully, can you tell me roughly what age bracket you are in? I ask because this will help in the advice we can give you and what is available for you in relation to finding a solution.

Another thing is to just be aware that comparing people to others can be a bit of a 2 edged sword, I am not speaking badly of the man that is making you feel better and whom you wish was your father, but you might only see the surface of the pleasant side of him. It is that old saying, the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence, but is it actually better? Again, I do not say that this man is anything bad, merely just be mindful that life isnt always as straight as we may see it.

I hope to hear from you again

Terry

Guesy_839
Community Member

Hey guys,

I felt as if I should add my parents are divorced, and I wouldn't really say I'm physically abused, as hitting has really stopped now, and my parents have started to control it, although the emotional side of it hasn't changed. I'm in the early teen age bracket.

The reason I said I might have been emotionally neglected was because it came up in a conversation, and I'm starting to see why my best friend said it.

Sierra.

Terry73
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Sierra

That helps me work out what action you might be able to take to help make things better for you, I am thinking you are still in school, so would seeing a school counselor be helpful?

Terry

Hi Terry,

I've been away, so I couldn't respond. I see a school counselor. She's amazing.

Sierra

Hi Sierra,

Welcome back. Hope you are okay. I am assuming you have been away during school holidays? I hope that went well for you.

It sounds like you get on well with the school counsellor and that they are able to help you. Would you like to share some of things you find beneficial regarding the counsellor?

Do you have hobbies and interests to help you feel better about life?

All through my life I have experienced wonderful relationships with people who have not been family. It is important as Terry mentioned to keep an open mind on all relationships. Some people are honesta nd open some have a different side to them we don't always see straight away.

Are you able to tell your parents how hurtful you find their actions to be or do they not listen to you?

Hope you are okay.

Cheers from Dools

Hey, I'm so sorry for leaving you hanging.

I like the counselor because we think alike, and she's the closest adult to me in my life. I used to cling on to social workers before her, so having someone who I can talk to who can actually help me is nice.

(For clarification, I have a few learning disabilities, so I have seen many social workers)

I like to draw, make photo edits (A lot), listen to music and write a bit. It's relaxing, and I keep an "emotions book" AKA a diary I reserve for when I get sad.

I know I could try to reconnect with my parents, but they pushed the boundries with me, so I can't do it.

I tried to tell my mum how I felt. She told me I need to stop feeling that way.

Oh well.

Sierra.

Hi Sierra,

Lovely to see you here again. There is no need to apologise, people come and go here as they need to. It is great to know you are getting on well with the counsellor, it is important to have someone we connect with.

I'm seeing a new psychologist soon, he is going to help me more with my physical pain issues, but that will no doubt blend in with other life issues so I am interested to see how that goes.

Your emotions/diary sounds like a good idea. Do you write and draw in there when you are feeling both satisfied with life and when unhelpful thoughts come to mind.

I like drawing but can't always think what to draw so I use colouring books when I have a mental blank as to what to draw.

I'm sorry you are having trouble connecting with your parents. Would it be possible to just send a text to them saying "HI" and nothing else? Sometimes one person in the situation has to make a start and try to mend things. I also understand if you think this is not possible.

Hope you are doing okay.

Cheers from Dools