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HOw many people can say they are I am the last person standing

Community Member

I am the last person standing, sounds crazy but its true, I am an only child with no brothers or sisters my parents have both passed away I have no grandparents aunties or uncles, my husband divorced me (cause he hated everything about me) and that is true cause he so proudly told me the reason we married was (in his exact words) "how do you dump someone who's father just died"

I am blessed with two amazing children who I have 24/7 with the only help from there father is sweet........

I have come to a point in my life now that I am going out of my head, I cant sleep through the night without waking and crying , I cant go a day without crying, I talk to myself and the four walls, I am a stay at home mum, I am so alone, I don't know how to get out of this hole I've dug.

I will ring to my ex because i feel there is no one else he keeps telling me that Im crazy, dumb and that i brought on all the anger it was my fault i know it wasn't all me fault in my heart of hearts but im loosing that belief he lied to me since we met and now i have just found out that he has married a Thai girl and is waiting on a visa to bring her here

My kids are devastated my son handles it by saying its ok it won't make a difference we don't see him anyway but my daughter who is younger cry's tears that are so full of pain its killing me i have told her that its part of the great roller coaster of life and that as low as life gets it makes you stronger to go up. and i know that they are the true words to believe in but i dont have the strength for me to believe my own words

The worst part is I want my husband back i want him to want me I want to have my family back I want my childrens father back

I want him to knock on the door and say i'm sorry

I want him to come home

but he hates me and he wont and know he;s married

I know that if he did he would hate me again he would hurt me and he would tell me Im dump and stupid and a lazy bitch

I know what would happen I know its toxic

but Im alone I cant do this on my own anymore I just need the strength to turn my life around

I need the strength when this Thai girl arrives that I keep telling my kids that its ok that she might be a lovely person

the fact they have a new step mum that they never every heard about or have seen is killing them

i don't know why i wrote this but maybe this is a start maybe this is hope, maybe this is.....

thanks for reading

3 Replies 3

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi JMR99,

It sounds really hard to be in your situation at the moment. You are trying so hard to do the right thing by your kids, but their father just seems to be doing whatever suits him.

It must be so incredibly hard to do this alone.

I know you do not have any family, but do you have any friends that you can call upon right now to help you out?

Another good first step is to go see the GP. Many GPs if not all are trained to also be able to deal with mental health concerns and if they cannot help you directly, they will be able to give you some in-person support.

Also, have you tried giving the BeyondBlue line a call? Their number is 1300 22 4636. They might be able to give you some direction, and can also be a good support to just listen to what you have to say.

I am sorry I can't be of much more help. I am also super tired because of things that are going on in my own life, but I really wanted to let you know that I am listening.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello JMR, welcome to the Beyond Blue community.

It's good to have you reach out. People here are supportive, friending, caring and non judgmental. While I'm not a health professional, I can share my experiences and the knowledge that's come with that.

I tend to ask questions, this helps me to support you in the best possible way. However, I don't expect you may want to answer them all and there is no pressure for you to answer anything you don't want to.

I can't event begin to imagine how you are getting on, being the only one left in your family. I'd feel very alone, especially now you hubby has left. When I'm feeling like that, I need someone to reach out and talk to someone. James has already suggested talking with a friend, gp or support service. I think this is a really good idea.

Something else I feel through your post is a little of your anger at what you hubby did. It sounds like such a horrible situation for you and the kids. I'd expect it's even more difficult with your son being devastated and your daughter crying all the time. Must be so hard to feel strong and give them the support they need when you're feeling exactly how they are. That's why I think seeing someone (e.g. friend, gp or phoning a support service) is a good idea. Doing all this alone is the pits. There are so many people out here who can listen and support you. Reach out when you can. No pressure. Just remember you are not alone. We are here for you.

I'm probably not the best person to talk to about relationships and about wanting to take him back. Think about calling RELATIONSHIPS Australia 1300 364 277. Especially to talk about your feelings of wanting him back when he sounds like he's already moved on. My heart goes out to you JMR.

Keep reaching out to us here.

Kind regards


Community Member

Than you James.1 and PamelaR for taking the time to read and reply to my posts. It has taking me quite a while to write this as I found it hard to do. After I posted the first one all I wanted to do was delete it so no one could read it but I couldn.t work out how but know I’m glad I didn’t so thx.

As for me I don.t know I keep on going some days are just way too hard others are fine. I did go to Gp he gave me medication which I’m a stubborn dit.... don’t really want to use them have half tablet only if I am having a bad day in front of the kids and need to keep my head in the right place. As for talking to friends, I am lucky I have lots of people around to help me with my kids but I learnt it seems like a long time ago. That family and friends are just not the same. Family have to listen and help or pretend to. A family member knows more about you than anyone as in how you grew up the rules in your home your values everything that you are involved in as you grow up where as friends can be amazing but they can make judgements with there opinion as the way they have grown up in there family environment and it will always differ from yours and I completely understand that and I really love they want to listen and give there opinion but my brick wall just keeps getting so high I can’t do it anymore I just love my friends to say hi to to make them smile be ther for there kids (crazy thing so many people these days have forgotten how to smile and say hi ) (ok now you know I’m the crazy one) back on track ...not that I am any better than my friends but they just don’t understand and I honestly never want them or anyone to be in my shoes to even want to understand what it’s like .and that’s ok

i have heard so many times how dumb stupid crazy Illiterate i am, that it’s my fault, I provoked everything. The list goes on I know in my heart these things are not true but after a while your head tells you that maybe they are all true that maybe if things were different maybe if I was not so crazy I wouldn’t be in this situation and I wouldn’t be alone.

The worst part now is where my head keeps going to,,,I love my kids so much they are my everything but I sometimes wish that there father would have them for a week just once and give up his perfect wold revolving around him and only him so that he knows what it is to have a family to be responsible for a child other than just himself, then maybe things would be different

thanks for letting me type