How do I tell him its over

[KLB]

I separated from my partner of 21 years almost 2 years ago. We have lived separately for 10 months. He has PTSD ( currently untreated). Long story short he wanted space, cheated and lied. He eventually stopped seeing the other woman. I told him he needed to sort himself out before we can even think about fixing us. I thought moving out would give him reason to do that. It hasn't. I tried to get him to talk about everything for a while. Now all of a sudden he wants us to start talking about things because its painful for him not knowing what we are doing and we need to either sort it out or move on. His words.

I'm worried about his mental state and how he is going to take it when I say we cant be together. He doesnt have any support close by except me and the kids (21, 18, 14). How do I tell him it's over and still be there for him?

[geoff]

Hi KLB, sometimes when it's been going on for too long only makes it harder to reconnect again.

Thanks, and please let us know what happens.

Geoff.

[KLB]

Sorry not updating laying. Not much has happened. He is still away and not working on his mental at all. I think being away for so long is making it worse for him to be honest. However I feel it has given me space.

We will be spending Easter with family and friends. He has done everything he can to make sure the kids and I are there.

I am looking forward to the break, but at the same time I am anxious about how things will go with him. It is my birthday at the same time and I would like to let my hair down. I know I won't though if he is drinking. I will need to talk to him about that before I go.

He will be returning after Easter so I guess we will see if he is willing to put the effort into getting his mental health on track.

[geoff]

Hi KLB, you're spot on, he needs to work himself before there is any chance of the two of you getting back together, but more so, what I'm worried about is the temptation of him drinking, even though he's tried that all of you will be there over Easter time.

He may promise that he won't drink, but that's now and not when the time comes, guarantees are made well in advance seemingly without any trouble, but when the day comes it's a different situation.

So as difficult as it is for you, make a plan if this does happen.

I really hope it doesn't for you and the kids.

My Best.

Geoff.

[KLB]

HI Geoff,

So we spent easter together. He did drink occasionally, but not excessively. He had his moments and was stressed and depressed some days. It was nice on the days he was happy. It was also awkward at times, like when he offered to wash my back when I went for a shower. I don't understand why he seems to think we can pick up where we left off. Things between us will never be same.

Since we have been back he has made no mention of getting help with his mental health.

He asked our daughter today if he looked nice, because he wants to look good for me. But he said to her he doesn't think it is working. I just don't get why he thinks its about his looks.

I don't know what to do from here. Why am I so concerned about hurting him after everything he has put me through?

[geoff]

Hi KLB, for him to ask about his looks is pretending to your daughter that he is better, when in fact he may not be deep down.

Take care.

Geoff.