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Jealous of my brother - my family doesn’t understand.

Community Member

My brother is having his 21st in a few months. He is a few years younger than me.

Organising his 21st was much easier than mine & my parents seem to be looking forward to it much more, they’re less stressed etc.

My brother has always been socially better than me - popular at school, lots of friends, charming to adults etc.

I messaged my parents (I live overseas from them) and told them I was feeling upset & a bit jealous of my brother regarding his 21st, and thought it was going to be better than mine.

Dad immediately got angry at me over the phone. So I tried explaining to mum & dad why I felt that way - ^ reasons above.

Through my counselling (I have anxiety and depression), I’ve learnt to communicate my feelings with people early rather than bottle them up & lash out at people.

However mum told me that I can’t help what I feel but it doesn’t mean the feelings are right, and I have really upset the whole family.

I got upset & told them I wouldn’t be going to the 21st, and told mum to cancel a holiday we have booked together in a few months because I didn’t want to spend time with her. And told my parents I didn’t want to speak to them anymore.

I haven’t been able to get out of bed since & feel so depressed. I don’t have many friends either. I don’t see any point in being here anymore. Please help.

1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion


Welcome to the forum and thanks for writing your honest post.

It is difficult when you see your brother as being more confident and having more friends, and people say don't compare but we do.

I understand how you wanted to communicate to your parents how you were feeling and you had no intention of upsetting them. They may have felt that you were complaining about them and your party, when of course that was not your intention.

Do you think you could email your parents saying you did not want to upset them at all but was just expressing how you were feeling. ? I am sure they love you very much but are feeling hurt like you are.

Did you really mean you don't want to go to your brother's 21st or were you reacting to what your parents said?

Would you consider talking to a help line

like Beyond Blue support service that offers Support Advice Action 1300 22 4636 ?

Sometimes talking to another person can help you sort things out.

Would it help to write down how you feel in a journal?

Feel free to post here as much as you like.