How do I support my partner

[Anon2222]

Hi All,

I need some advise on how to be there for my partner. My partner is going through a really rough time dealing with financial issues, work and dealing with legal issues with an ex partner and I can see it is really affecting him big time and is getting to the point where he see’s nothing good is going to improve in his life and I’m very concerned that they may led to more intrusive thoughts. I have tried to suggest getting professional help such as speaking to a counsellor and as well as other services to help him with other areas in his life but he said this is something he needs to figure out on his on, I have offered to do things such as getting him food or planning outings just to help him out abit and get his mind of things but I get rejected (which really hurts but I’m trying to not take it personally). Right now I just don’t know what to do other than let him know I’m here for him but as a partner I feel kinda useless because it sucks seeing the person you care and love struggling I’m trying to be positive for the both of us but I just feel like I’m not doing enough.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Anon2222
  Firstly, welcome to the forums, we're so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community.
  It can feel overwhelming to see a loved one struggling to deal with so many challenges. We can hear that you’re a very supportive and caring person doing your best to help your partner, and it’s important to remember to take care of yourself too.
  Having someone to talk to can make a real difference, so we’d like to invite you to call our  counsellors on 1300 22 4636, or jump onto a webchat here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/ Our counsellors are available 24/7 to provide care and support.
  Thank you again for sharing with our wonderful community members.
  Warm regards   Sophie M

[geoff]

Hello Anon, I'm sure your partner does understand what you're trying to do to help him, the problem could be that his ex may have started out wanting to do the same so now he wants to try on his own, that's no fault of yours.

Try and convince him that his situation now is completely different than with his previous partner and appreciate that he wants to sort it out himself, but you may have ideas that he may not have thought of and could help him.

If this can be achieved then he may be open in getting professional assistance, both with financial matters, dealing with his ex and especially if he is having intrusive thoughts, because trying to see the forest through the trees may be difficult for him.

Good luck.

Geoff.

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you very much for being so open. It sounds like you really love and care for your partner and that is a beautiful thing. Everything must be very difficult at the moment, for both of you. You are trying your best to support him and that is all that matters. Don't be so hard on yourself.

You can keep reminding him of seeking professional help but yes, at the end of the day, only he has to decide what he wants to do. He may not be ready for it yet but i am sure he will as time goes by.

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.

[Croix]

Dear Anon2222~

I'm glad you have come here, and that you have met Sophie_M and the others here. Their advice is pretty good. Your partner is lucky to have such a caring person. As mentioned specifically you too need care as you are going though a very worrying and stressful time.

Do you have anyone to support you? A family member or friend perhaps? The simply have to listen to you and show they care -that's all, but it can make a huge difference to not deal with all this in isolation.

You are of course doing everything right, and if it does not seem to work or be appreciated then it is hard not to take it personally.

Maybe you might consider a couple of ideas that might help you gain perspective and realise your very real worth.

The first is your partner is facing a whole heap of problems: financial issues, work and dealing with legal hassles with an ex partner. These are things that may not be easily resolved and may be things one has to live with for a long period.

The second is many people have the idea that they need to 'fix' things, and hopefully do so promptly. When that is not possible this can fill the mind, generate feelings of hopelessness and even make one so preoccupied as to lock others out (I know, I've been exactly there).

Under such circumstances please realize it is not you, nor probably even your husband, but adverse circumstances and their effect.

I guess the only thing you can do is continue as you are, promoting professional help, giving reassurance you are there for him, and at the same time trying to persuade him that there are other enjoyable interludes that can make life worth living despite all.

What do you think?

Croix