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Help please with first date

Community Member

I met a wonderful guy and fell in love with him at first sight when I saw him on an online dating site, I am totally smitten with this man.

Our first date was a dinner date at a beautiful restaurant and after dinner he invited me back to his place.

He got the red wine out and then we became intimate and I spent the night with him.

He sent me a video during the week and we had a couple of messages between us, then stupid me sent this message this afternoon.

Hope you are well
and had a nice weekend...
I can’t help but feel you were trying to tell me something through the Swiss video?
I feel so disappointed, as we had so much in common and could have a great time together.
I think you were great, I respect you and wanted to get to know you as a friend...
Mary xx

I have been having huge anxiety attacks over this, he replied this evening:

Sorry been really busy, and wrapping up things before I leave. No, there wasn't a "hidden" message in the video, I wouldn't do that. Things went very fast during our first rendez-vous and thats unlike me tho!
Hope you had a nice weekend and no Monday Blues today!

How do I reply to this message from him without scaring him off, but at the same time I want to tell him I am attracted to him and would love to see him again.

This whole dating game is new to me as I was married for 25 years

Thank you in advance

136 Replies 136

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Elsam

I think he made the comment about things moving fast to let you know that he is not a “player”. I think he wanted you to know that wasn’t his usual MO. His way of giving you reassurance.

The next comment was to let you know he didn’t regret and enjoyed your encounter—just like you!

Of course, this is all “best guess” interpretation. Pretty much what we all have when dating, especially at the start.

Let it evolve. Good luck.

Kind thoughts to you

Community Member

Thank you @Geoff & @Summer Rose

This whole thing is causing so much anxiety and paranoia it is painful.

Hopefully he is not a “player” but the way he has ceased contact is making me so stressed and anxious

He was contacting me every morning, during the day and at night up until we met, now only replies if I message him.

I know it was only one night with this guy but I had got emotionally attached during the weeks and chats leading up to the date with him

I honestly fell in love with this guy at first sight, now I feel I cannot even look at another man

I messaged him last night and said:

Good evening, how are you ?

His response was quite short :

Good. Sitting at my fire pit! You ?

I replied to him with a nice message with no response from him

Would no response mean he does not want to stay in touch even though he said Let’s do that.... about meeting for coffee

Lovely, nice chilly evening to sit at the fire pit. I am well. I am not sure if you want to stay in touch ?

Now I don’t know what to do as on Thursday he replied to me about catching up for coffee but has not confirmed anything, all he said was :

Yes, let's do that.... having said what I said tho, I never regret anything, I cherish it.
How was your week?

I am going to wait till about Thursday to give him time and if he doesn’t reply I am going to send a message and say:

Would you like to catch up for coffee Saturday or Sunday in the park ?

That way I am putting him on the spot to reply

This is killing me, I cannot handle the mind games!!!

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Elsam, some people are frightened to move forward as others are able to do, so just because he doesn't reply back to you, doesn't mean he's not interested in you, he may be infatuated but worried about how to approach the situation as he might feel complexed about how he can express himself after the night together, people work differently and not how you had wished they would.

If as he has said, that it all went very quickly, then he might be embarrassed and feel rather guilty and scared about how he can approach meeting you again without being 'red-faced' and nervous.

Is there something specific you both talked about, such as antique shopping, for example, that may encourage him to meet you again, just a thought?

Best wishes.


Community Member

Thank you, you’re the be
I am hoping you are right and he is just trying to take things slowly

I am just so worried and stressed that his last reply was quite blunt and he has not replied to my last messages

He is in a very high profile job though and is preparing to go overseas

Thats just me trying to make excuses 😂

We do have so much in common, which we talked about, we both also love interior design and Industrial vintage decor.
He even said it’s like their was Artificial Intelligence behind our messages we were so much alike.

I just don’t get why he has ceased communication when he was so keen and full on until he met me

Community Member

Hiya Elsam , found you from bubbles thread haha.

Really sorry he seems to have backed off. Doubt l can say much more as you've got plenty of replies here but as l was saying l think in Bubbles. Well it could be anything but he might've started worrying as l did with the girl l told you about, and so he's backing off a bit until he gets things into better perspective.

l'd say the fact he stressed it moved so fast means he def' needs at least some time now just to absorb things first of all and hopefully it's just something like that and him sorting his emotions out, a bit like what Geoff saying. But l'd be thinking nah , better not approach him with how your feeling just yet , if anything l'd say just give him some time now and see if he does actually pick things up again because he actually wants to himself.

You asked and he said what he said , l think now all you can do is see whether or not he actually wants to follow that up. Good luck though anyway keep us posted eh.


Community Member

Hi @randomx

Thank you for the message and advice, it is great to get another guys opinion because you men think differently to us 😂😂

I am hoping he is just sorting his emotions out as I cannot think of any other reason for him to cut off contact straight after our date.
I am also scared he may have met someone else online because just before our date he deleted his profile from the dating site.

I am not going to approach him about how I am feeling but I do want to ask him about just a casual meet up for coffee in the park as he agreed:

Yes, let’s do that...

I cannot come up with any other reason that he could just disappear with no explanation unless he is a serial ghoster!!

From a males perspective?
What do you think about me asking him by message:

Would you like to catch up for coffee Saturday or Sunday in the park?

That way I am asking a question and he should answer me!!!

Community Member

Hiya Elsam.

Couldn't see any harm in it it's not pressure so if he is still in it shouldn't hurt . he'll hopefully wanna make it some other time soon if he's busy that day or whatever and you might get some more feedback if nothing else.

Doubt he's meeting someone else just yet and he's busy so that it seems even less likely. Deleting his thing, he might've decided he was too busy or he'd had enough or something .l reckon if it was for someone enough to make him delete it then he wouldn't have gone ahead with you at the time.

The girl l told you about deleted hers too , day after l said l didn't wanna go ahead. God l felt like such an AH and l know she was already really hurt and frustrated with me because l'd backtracked a bit already. The stupid thing about it was l realized later l could've been 100 miles off about what l was thinking that made me drop it. l should've given it a chance , bloody hell.Reason l didn't was the only thing that was bothering me was that she seem far me not poshish , but sort of far more l dunno , just everything in it's place and a really very very together and all perfectly organized type person. Well l'm pretty chill and laid back so not much is in it's right place in my life haha, it's just where ever it is and l'm fine with that. So l just felt we'd be a bit of a miss match in that way and l didn;t wanna feel pressured or as though l might have to live up to expectations or something you could say , l like things relaxed. l'll never be perfect and l'm fine with that too but l just felt like for her everything was perfect . Don't know if that makes any sense.

So yeah , we do look ahead and at the big picture and about whether or not it will suit us too before things get too complicated . You know , maybe he's seeing something ,or maybe he just needs some time.

Anyway good luck and l really hope he wants that coffee. rx

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Elsam, RX has made some good points, the other reason he may be doing this is that he's going o/s and doesn't want to leave someone he loves behind, that would make the situation and both your positions difficult, not being able to see each other or give each other a cuddle.

If he is in a high profile job, then his responsibilities would be quite demanding, but yes if you definitely want to see him, then you have to ask him to see at a convenient place, in other words, ask him rather than wait until you hope to get a reply.

As a matter of fact, girls these days ask their partner to marry them, not that I'm suggesting this at this point, but the old fashion days where the boy always asks the girl has been changing for years.

Ask him to meet you somewhere and there's an old saying 'grab the bull by the horns'.

Best wishes.


Community Member

Hi @Randomx & Geoff

You guys are great, thank you.

I think you’re right, I don’t think he has the time to meet people. Maybe with things moving so fast, he just needs some time!

I think he deleted his profile from the dating site as when we me he commented: We can fire the dating site!

@Randomx regarding your situation, don’t they say opposites attract! 😝 No one is perfect so don’t worry about having to be perfect. Hope you find that girl....

@Geoff, I took your advice and took the bull by the horns 😂🤣

Maybe he doesn’t want to get too attached seeing he is leaving soon, hopefully his time away will give him time to reflect as well.
I am too traditional to ask a guy to marry me!
I sent him a bit of a cheeky fun message this evening saying:

Good evening, hope you are well and having a great week!
So....the million dollar question 😉 Can I entice you to meet for breakfast/lunch or dinner or all 3 😝 over the weekend...
M 💋

Because when he wanted to ask me out he said:

So....the million dollar question . ..can I entice you for a rendez-vous one evening next week or weekend to share our passions over a dinner?

So I accepted his invitation and he got cheeky saying:

Lets lock it in! Fri or Sat or Sun or all three

Hence my cheeky message to him this evening!

His reply this evening:

Yes let's find some time before I leave...

The thing that stresses me is he makes these comments but takes no action.

So I have replied:

Do you have time over the weekend ?

Now waiting for the response!! Hopefully he will take action!

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Elsam, this sounds great, maybe he is slightly shy and wants to say things by text and instead of asking him 'Do you have time over the weekend', make a date or book a place somewhere that's quiet, and tell him you'll pick him up or something like that, again 'grab the bull by the horns'.

Don't wait, pursue this on your terms and remember it's easy to make comments when you're not with someone and when we have a person we want to date, we definitely want to see them, but a little scared, especially when the heart pumps away.

Continue to let us know, it's great news.