Help and advice needed! Im stuck.

[Charlie90]

Ive been in a bad olace this year - with my oartner and 3 yo daughter. My partners dad died in december last year and he really struggled, went through sooo much and dealt with emotions.. we moved to his mothers house out of town to help her with the house and its been horrible. Apart from the fact that im the new live in maid, this woman spreads rumors aboit me and says horrible things behing my back every chance she gets... ive ignored it. I have felt very diwn this year which i thought was normal, with my depression and anxiety just with everything thats gone on this year. Ive been at uni for two years and have one more year to go. Was supposed to start prac next year which would mean id have to move an hour away from my partner and live there through the week and come home weekends. My partner wasnt happy and said that if i did that them it would be over. We fought about it alot - his issue was that he would have to drive on weekends because i dont have my license(i jad a bad accident when i was young and im scared, but am gainimg confidence again. Im 26. It got tk the point where we fought so much i had to quit. Now i am so depressed its hard just to live. I cry everyday and feel worthless. When we fight he calls me names all the stuff that makes me self esteem worse. I literally just beleive everything he says now. I have no friends or family around anymore and i feel so alone. I sit in this house all day trying to keep busy but secretly hating my self for once again failing something i try. I was really good with my course and it made me feel so good about my self. Ive never felt this low before and im starting to think my lartner is controlling- the thing is in a way i know the stuff be says and does is wrong but i dont teust my self thT im right to actually speak up. I feel u need to vet away from him and i have tried before but he always convinces me otherwise. He drinks everyday and is usually drynk at night time. He can become agressive if i bring anything up that i want to discuss, never hit me but has smashed all my things and does things like if i go see my mum he cancelled my keycard so i didnt have any money. Please help im so stuck and dont know what i should do

[Croix]

Dear Charlie90

Frankly I'm stuck as what to say, so I've mentioned your post to someone more qualified. I'm unsure if that will have any effect.

Feel free to contact the helpline on1300 22 4636 if you can, they may be able to steer you towards the right resources or at least talk to you.

I'll keep an eye on this thread for a couple of days to see if you post again.

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hi Charlie,

Sounds to me like you are in a really tough spot. Only you will know if it is time for you to leave or stay and try to get your needs met.

If you are thinking of leaving this guy, then I would suggest you get a few things in order first.

Go to your Dr and ask for advice on people who can help you immediately.

Like Croix mentioned, use the phone help line here at beyondblue or call Lifeline for help and advice.

If you do decide to leave, do you have somewhere to go? Would you take your daughter as well?

If an occasion arises where you do definitely need to get out of the house quickly, you could go to the nearest hospital or police station for help.

Would your partner consider couples counselling? You could phone Relationships Australia for advice. I realise it may be difficult to get help this time of year.

Check the local phone book to see if there are any Women Help services in your region.

If you do decide to leave, then I suggest you go to the bank and ensure he has no access to your account. If you have a joint account, try to get a separate account sorted.

If you are on Centrelink assistance or are paid a wage, change your bank account details. Everyone has a right to be mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally and financially safe.

Have you had a chat with your Mum about all of this?

I'm offering you things to think about and consider. Only you can decide what is best for you. I do not know your partner at all, so can not make assumptions about his character.

Make some phone calls and seek advice from some professionals as well as sharing how you are getting on here.

Hopefully you will find some answers. Everyone deserves to be respected and treated equally.

Take care and hope to hear from you again.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Croix]

Ta Mrs D -C

[pipsy]

Hi Charlie90. I feel so sorry and angry for you. You've done all you could to support him with losing his dad etc. Mrs Dools has given you some pretty great advice and suggestions. Leaving him is not going to be easy, emotionally. I totally agree with talking to your Dr and asking him to put you in touch with women's helpline. C'link will help as well with the financial part, also see your bank about transferring money to your account, which they will help you start. If you have real fears of physical violence about leaving, the police will help. Women's refuges are a start for you to get you where you feel safe. As Mrs Dools pointed out, only you know what you want to do. If you decide to stay, you need to be aware things probably won't change, they may worsen. Leaving won't be easy, changes are difficult, however, I know from experience, peace of mind is preferable to constant fear of abuse, both physical and emotional. Whatever you decide, we're here to guide, support, help, however we can. No judgement, just help. If you want to, you can call us for support too.

Lynda

[Croix]

Dear Charlie90

Just letting you know we continue to watch with a warm welcome should you decide to post again

Croix