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He’s not meeting my needs

Community Member
My husband is quite selfish and short tempered.
Blames others for everything instead of taking responsibility.
I don’t like to ask him to do things around my house as everything is a huge effort and he just cracks the s***s when doing something. He gets annoyed so easily.
A big issue is that he does not make any effort to satisfy me sexually as much as I’ve discussed with him, shown him and tried. He says he’s sorry but does nothing about it. I love getting him off in different ways and he physically turns me on. I’m quite sexual and experienced as 9 years older but he has no stamina. He has never made me orgasm in six years. He lasts one minute if I’m lucky. I feel like we don’t emotionally and physically connect.
I have this bizarre strongest attachment to him although I’ve left him 10 times to return upon his perseverance. We have a lot in common and I’m really attracted to him. I do however go in cycles where it’s all good, things improve, then I realise that s*** isn’t great and then I leave. We don’t live together as I love having my own space and home. This works for us although is unconventional. My first husband was emotionally abusive so I have found my strength and need my independence.
I spoke to him tonight yet again about me not being satisfied. He yells “for f*** sake I was going to get that stuff” referring to the tablets to delay ejaculation but was costly and I was worried about safety. I explained he could use his hands etc and make some effort and that I was sick of masturbating. I told him I feel like he doesn’t care about me as I talk to him about it and he just gets on the defensive and angry. He fumbles around when manually ‘stimulating’ me and rarely gives me oral.
Argh I don’t want to be in an unsatisfied marriage yet I love him. His selfishness is obviously not going to change though sadly.
He has made no effort with his son. Has not seen him for weeks and not for Easter. I told him he should buy him an Easter egg and go see him but he didn’t. So sad. No effort with his daughter either. Just occasional phone calls. He has no relationship with his children whatsoever and that’s his choice as mothers have never got in the way.
My children are my world. Every single day. My first priority. He absolutely loves my children but how can a father not want to see his children?? Sorry for the rant and if you got this far thanks for reading. Advice is greatly appreciated please from an outsiders perspective.
1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hi Kat

An interesting post!

That being said, your problem is something that lies outside of my experience or comprehension. I've just come out of a 30 year marriage where my ex had me believing that any form of a physical relationship was unnatural and unwanted.

I can only guess that normality lies somewhere in between our two worlds.

I will follow this post with interest.