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----->Loving Father = Forced Deadbeat Dad<-----

Community Member
So a week before xmas 2016 my son's mum rings me to ask if I would like to have our son 4 days leading up to xmas day. "I would love too" I replied as this was the first time since his birth (6yrs old) iv ever been aloud this amount of time with him let alone special occasions, Fathers day, Birthdays and anything I should be involved in as a loving caring father. Appon their arrival I offered his mum if she would like to come in. Note: I invited her in because I was being polite because she was allowing me so much time with our son I never thought I would get. For this next part it's important I tell you why we separated. We was together for 2.5-3yrs. I should've realised from the first 6 months we started dating but being raised in a small country town I didn't think anything of it. Anyway 6 months into our relationship I came home from work and she had thrown all the Zoo magazines and anything lightly pornography related out of my apartment stating that she's home all day, while I'm at work and doesn't like looking at that sorta thing. And this never bothered me one bit, I even told her "I don't need all that in my life now anyway now that iv got her." As we're progressing the relationship I noticed she was getting worse, to a point were I couldn't even look out the car window without getting my head bitten off. 2.5yrs of our relationship I was being lightly controlled, manipulated and abused. Nearing the end I had a large sharp carving knife from the kitchen pulled on me while I was in the shower trying to wash the straight pine-o-clean(disinfectant) she had just poured all over me from behind because I refused to stop watching(TV) the Brownlow medal(AFL). At that moment I jumped up feeling like I just got pepper sprayed, and shouted, I had had enough and it was over. When I went to the hospital 2 days after our son was born she automatically assumed I was getting back with her because we now have a child together. When I told her I couldn't be in a relationship with her, the next words she spoke to me has/is and still haunts me til this very day and future. She replies quietly yet very angrily "If your not with me! You'll will have nothing to do with my son!" Yes there's Family court orders in place, Yes she breaches them constantly refusing me access, No I don't enjoy her starving me from seeing our son unless I go to her place and let her have her way with me. Haven't seen our son for 8mths now and fighting false allegations in court. To Be Continued
2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Luka's Dad~

I'm very sorry that what started so well has turned into this sort of nightmare. From your account it would seen your ex may be in need of medical attention. Threatening violence with a knife is not something anyone can realistically deal with. Also using your relationship with your son as a weapon is a great abuse.

Sadly the Family Court is not always a great answer if one or more of the parties is not cooperative. Orders breached only have one good thing, they could in some circumstance be used to support an action to have the child's custody changed, though whether that wold be advisable all things considered is another question.

Have had a fair amount of experience executing Family Court Orders I've never seen a really satisfactory solution come about due to the Order once the parties are at loggerheads, the children just seem to lose whatever happens.

You said that some time has passed since you separated and this ongoing situation is bound to have a heavy toll on you and shouldering it all alone can be most difficult. Do you have a family or friends to support you?

As you say -the situation is 'to be continued'. Please know you can come here and talk whenever you'd like


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Luka, I can only reiterate what Tony has said, it's certainly not the best r/ship to have, even though you're not together, but from what you have said is that she can be a dangerous type of a person, not the best situation for your son, unfortunately.
She could be OK when she's with your son, however what happens when he develops more and does something that she totally disagrees with, and we all know that children are very curious and want to experiment all sorts of activities, or when he comes home dirty just after having a bath.
It's a real worry, so please continue on. Geoff.