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Mum is emotionally blackmailing & controlling me

Community Member

My mum is a single parent & is causing a strain in my relationship & mental health.

I'm 29 yr old & have always clashed with my mum. I always took into account that she's raised myself & 2 older siblings by herself & she has always been my hero for that. However she is very difficult to speak to. I learnt at a very young age that my mum is not the person I can confide in. I wrote her a letter when I was 10 telling her that I was struggling with being bullied & felt very alone (we moved to Aust from the Phils) when she read it she yelled at me and told I was an ungreatful stupid child. Since then I've self taught myself to keep things to myself.

she would not let me go out or sleep at friends houses. Work during high school. Yelled at me for not going to church. Disappointed at all my choices. No arguments I'd take it & give in to her.

Ive been with my partner for 2 years his everything to me. He listens. Puts me first. I haven't been this happy. My family home is constant arguments. my mum & siblings however do not allow me to stay at his place my mums strictly wants me home doesn't matter if it's 5am I must come home & can leave half an hour later to go to my partners again. my mum has told me I have no self respect for myself & her & that I will be the death of her. She tells me I'm an idiot for spending all my time with my partner or friends.

I want to move in with my partner as we are ready. But my sister has yelled at me & said mum will not allow it unless we are married & even if i Was single I'm not independent enough to move out. They still see me as a child.

I started work as a public servant 3 yrs ago & deal with agressive customers daily & come home to be put down or shut off for anything I say. I cry almost every night and my mind is going through scenarios "I should just break up with my partner to make my family happy" I sleep for 3 hrs & my day starts again. It sets my day at work which lately has been affected & have taken all my leave. Ive Micro slept as I drive I am beyond tired. I see my partner everyday because my worries disappear but lately we have argued about the situation. It's causing both of us anxiety & stress

i want to tell my mum I want to move in with my partner but am petrified as it will come down to me loosing my family or my partner. i don't want to marry my partner just for the sake of moving out that's not what we want.

I don't know what to do how should we or I approach my mum. I'm exhausted.

3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Pony, I could just make a comment in one sentence which I will and that's to move out and live with your partner.
You are never going to please your mum either living at home or away from home, and what's happening is that she still wants to control you, and at the age of 29 that's rather ridiculous.
You need to start living a life with your partner, and even if you want to move on from him, and I'm not saying that I want you to, you will be criticised by your mum, but you need to be strong here, and in fact you could set an example for your other siblings to break the tie.
You shouldn't be controlled by your mother, it's time to stand up for yourself. Geoff.

Community Member
hey pony! my name is Madison i'm 19 this is my first time exploring beyond blue and your story caught my eye i can understand exactly where your coming from and can relate to your situation, i would just like to say any problem that your mum has with you is not your problem its hers, you can only care and do things yourself!


Totally agree with Geoff and Madison

I dont blame your partner for getting impatient.

If your family are domineering and unfair you have no choice but to prove to them that you are an adult and worthy of living a happy life of your choice.

Yes it might mean you lose them but likely its temporary.

Do what you have to do. Be brave

Tony WK