Giving an ultimatum to my ex

[SweetAngel]

This guy and I have been on and off in a relationship for one year. The reason is because he is friends with a girl who I feel is a threat (one time when he and I were broken up, they jokingly flirted and ppl thought they were dating)

The other night I expressed that I feel hurt whenever he sees her , but despite me expressing my feelings, he says ,”she is my friend. I will continue to see her.”

and so. I gave him an ultimatum. If you see her I’ll leave for good. If you don’t see her, I’ll stay”

that was a week a go. He hasn’t told me his decision. During the week we have been talking like every thing is great, but nothing about what I brought up.

what do you think I should do? This is my first time bringing up an ultimatum . I understand it’s not right to tell someone to no longer be friends wth another, but I’ve been feeling hurt for a year now now , have continually brought up my feelings to him about the matter, but despite it all, he still hangs with her because as he says “we are friends”

[white knight]

Hi again

I mentioned earlier, it is not this other girl you need to focus on trust wise, it's your guy.

Girls, women will always come and go in his life so trust of him is the clarity you need to seek. Often one hears of the "other woman, other man and how they are revenged...but its the partner that should reject advances.

I also mentioned ultimatums as being unwise as it can push him away and to sit down calmly and tell him of your insecurities. Base your future on his responses.

TonyWK

[Mary_Ploppins]

You gave him an ultimatum which he has ignored and not talked about and gone and spent time with this person. I would be bringing it up and making him discuss it and coming up with a solution. If he continues to ignore something that is clearly upsetting you i would be moving on to be honest.

[quirkywords]

SweetAngel

I wonder how you are going. I. I can understand you are sad.

I feel Tony’s latest post is very helpful .

He wrote
“I also mentioned ultimatums as being unwise as it can push him away and to sit down calmly and tell him of your insecurities. Base your future on his responses.”

Do you think you can try sitting down calmly and talking about how you feel?

Quirky

[SweetAngel]

Hello again.
its been a month since I last replied to you all.
I read through all your replies and I’m very appreciative that you guys tried your best to help me through that time.
I am still just friends with him. And although some days might be hard for me, I just let it pass and I don’t mention it to him.
I saw him today, which was nice. He gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. Oh and he held my hand. His brother didn’t approve at this though. He merely nodded his head. I asked what’s up, but he said “don’t worry about it” and then continued to nod his head. Made me wonder briefly if my ex told his brother about the messy situation we’re in, but that thought soon passed.
Anyway, that “closeness” or whatever you can call it, is the sort of thing that confuses me about our “friendship” , but hey, at least he is still sticking around after I gave him that ultimatum which led him to be upset and cry, right?

[smallwolf]

Good to get the follow up from you. And I guess that way he met you might be a little confusing for you.

On the ultimatum though... are you still thinking about that? I guess, what I am trying to say is that who we are are is based on our life experiences. What has happened cannot be changed. And perhaps to realise we are only human and the way things are said or interpreted might hurt the other. Maybe I am talking to myself here also.

I guess the question is... how did the day go with him?

Enjoy the moments,

Tim

[SweetAngel]

It’s good to hear from you so soon too!

To answer your question. Yes, Sometimes the thought of the ultimatum pops into my mind. I question why he didn’t

[SweetAngel]

It’s good to hear from you so soon!

To answer your question: sometimes the ultimatum runs through my mind, but not as often as you may think. When it is in my mind, I briefly think of why he never spoke of it again. But I usually answer it myself. He doesn’t want to choose. .That’s obviously his answer.
It brings too much distress for him choosing between two. He said so when I asked him that night. And with that, I stop that thought and continue with my whatever I was doing before.


But yes. My day with him was good! It was chill. Watching movies. Laying next to him on the couch and we joked around a bit. I came home feeling warm and fuzzy.