Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Fortress of survival

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Xmas tests us folk. Its a time every year that has the most stress, sadness due to family divide and the close of the year has us reviewing our relationships. Fear not for its actually a great opportunity.

Only you can take control in the new year to ensure that Xmas next year will be a better one as will 2017 overall.

We need to take control by making hard decisions. We are soft people that don't have the hardened mentality of others. We need to draw a line in the sand and build a wall to self preserve.

Im into my 7th year of doing thus. Each year I fine tune my relationships. People know now that my dealings with them are conditional. They know if they are disloyal, manipulative, uncaring, demanding or inconsiderate...their time with me is limited or even terminal. The way they've seen how I've removed some from my life...even my mother.

In fact my now 85yo mother is the best example. Likely with chronic BPD with heavy narcissistic and manipulative tendencies she ruined my first wedding, lied about her health and would not assist me with my mental health struggles as her issues were always more important and severe.

The line was drawn. The wall was erected. The cost has been loss of relatives that she was able to convince of my wickedness. So be it. As I say to some "my mother has some good points...its the bad points I cannot live with" and "only a child of my mother knows what that is like".

But most importantly, those that you keep around you also need care. Having a mental illness isn't a one way street, we need to, when able, reach out and show appreciation.

I have a dear friend a single grandmother. She told me quietly she was depressed a few weeks ago. Since then I subtlety sent her a beyondblue link about depression and asked how she has been. Last night she had recovered and thanked me for my input. She knows of my struggles. It was a good feeling helping someone that has been there for me.

Reach out to the right people but save up your bricks for that wall to hold back the intruders.

Forgive them for they not know what they do. But don't feel guilty when you mortar in that last brick.

Those types don't know how to treat you or help you. Let those birds of a feather flock together.

Then next year you can learn to fly around with your own, because you've created a "safe mode" of your own life. You would have in effect taken action as important as some medical treatments

You were decisive to ensure a happier survival...

Tony WK

23 Replies 23

Community Member

I’m awake at 3:30 am - having struggled with a terrible day.

The inner pain, hurts and grief.

I’m so grateful that this thread has been refreshed and I was able to read the incredibly wonderful words of comfort and wisdom from fellow travellers.

I was feeling so lost this night - but I feel like I’ve been supplied with a great dose of healing medicine.

Thank you.

Hi phoebewings

We don’t seek reward, but there is an overwhelming feeling of gratitude I get from your post.

There is also

beyondble topic fortress of survival part 2

If you’d like to google it.

If there is anything you’d like to share about your current situation you know you can put it all down in a post.


Hi PhoebeWings and all credit to TonyWK for the excellent thread

I hear you loud and clear that this thread has been refreshed...TonyWK has shared his life experience on the forums for a long time

You are always welcome to post whenever you wish...I hope you are having some peace during this difficult time

my kindest...Paul

Community Member
thank you for sharing WK.