Fight with the In-Laws

MissL1234 · ‎15-01-2017

Yesterday I had a massive fight with my inlaws and am feeling shattered. It was the morning after my son who's 2, it was his first sleepover I rang that morning as discussed to see where they were up to and organize to pick him up. His grandparents had wanted to take him to coffee with them that morning. I was supportive of this I had dropped off a car seat for them to use as well so this could happen and didn't ring until nearly 10am so that they would have been able to do this. If they were still out then I'd organize to get him later whatever worked for the day. I rang 8 times over the course of nearly 2 hours and couldn't reach them. My heart sank I tried not to panicky but I couldn't help but worry something had gone wrong (I've lost family members in accidents and this has made me nervous when I can't get a hold of someone) so when my MIL rang me I burst into tears she said are you upset I said yes I was just worried and she said they will bring him home. They got to my home and came in, visibly angry with me. I said why are you angry it was a mistake that you accidentally left your phone at home and I understand I was just very worried. My usually quite FIL fired at me as said we don't trust them and how dare I upset his wife and then lectured me that they have raised 3 children and know what they're doing. I tried to explain that it had nothing to do with trust or experience I had said I would call, when I did I couldn't reach anyone and over that time I started to worry. It didn't matter he got angrier and left my MIL spoke a little longer and it didn't matter what I said they strongly believe it's my fault and that I'm a terrible selfish person. I'm so hurt I cried an entire day and sleepless night. To be honest I have never felt that they were particularly rational people but after 10+ years in the family i thought that they would at least hear me out or give me the benefit of the doubt. My husband is angry and hurt but I just don't know how to move forward. This all happened in front of my son and they think it's ok I don't. I don't know what to do, any advice? I have always bitten my tongue and let snide remarks over the years go but this time was different I felt every bit of what was said and now feel as though they use emotion to control a situation.

pipsy · ‎15-01-2017

Dear MissL. Your reaction to them ignoring your concern is quite justified. They had your son, it was up to them to let you know their plans so this wouldn't happen. Your son is 2, you naturally have concerns as it was his first time away from the security of his home. I don't see you not trusting them, I hear what you are saying. They should've contacted you and explained what was happening. Your hubby is in a difficult situation, he has his parents on one side and his wife on the other. To him, his parents acted as they always have. If they request this again, your son staying over, I would be inclined to discuss their plans with them so they understand your concerns regarding your son. They sound a bit laid back, blasé, and rather disrespectful which means this situation could happen again if you and hubby are not open and let them know exactly what is expected. They need to respect your wishes as a parent. My heart would've been in my mouth too with having a 2 year old staying overnight with people he's not that familiar with. Yes, they're his g'parents, but he's only 2 and they need to understand he possibly may have been stressing too. They were totally out of line and need to be told. It has nothing to do with how many children they have raised, this is your son, not theirs.

Lynda

MissL1234 · ‎15-01-2017

Thanks Lynda I did try and explain this and their response was that I make it too hard and I'm a self person for upsetting them. They are blind to what that 2 hours felt like for me and my husband not being able to contact them. I think this might be the end of the relationship for me, they haven't been the most loving of parents to my husband either and I don't want to see the hurt and pain anymore. Thankyou for your kind words they have been the supportive comfort I needed.

pipsy · ‎15-01-2017

Hi MissL. It always hurts me when people don't listen to how someone is feeling and the assumption is made that the person who is hurting is told to just 'get over it'. Are you implying you and hubby may separate or you and in-laws are no longer as a family? Your in-laws obviously don't care how they hurt anyone and they sound rather selfish too. This is not your fault, they overstepped the mark and if left, it will continue. You are a naturally caring mum who loves your son and they completely disrespected your wish to meet up later. I hope your son is not too traumatized and with your love and caring nature, this will soon be a distant, but bad memory. In-laws, a.k.a outlaws.

Lynda

MissL1234 · ‎15-01-2017

Oh goodness no not my husband and I no no we wouldn't breakup over this. I did mean the in laws though. It's just not a healthy relationship and I really find it a little distressing so I think the relationship with them needs to come to an end.

pipsy · ‎15-01-2017

Hi MissL I'm so pleased you and hubby are together on this one. I've seen so many marriages/relationships break-up over problems with in-laws. It is most definitely not a relationship you have with these people, you actually have nothing as they are uncaring and disrespectful. Try not to be too distressed as they are not worthy. Take care of yourself and your family.

Lynda