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Feeling rejected after years of dating

Community Member

I thought it would be good to post and ask you guys for some help as I'm a little unsure what to do now.

I'm a 27 year old female and have done almost 4 years of online dating whilst also going to meetup groups.
I was in a serious relationship for two years up until I was 24. It ended quiet badly (being cheated on) and I do feel ever since then I struggled with dating. I guess in the past four years I thought I would be in a relationship by now or at least have dated someone seriously rather than just flings. I have been on so many online dates I have lost track and rarely go on second dates.
Sometimes they will ask me on a second, only then to seem not interested or will cancel. The online dating has become a bit of an addiction for me as I feel I get excited about the possibility of meeting someone new and am hopeful of a different outcome everytime (but it doesn't seem to happen).
During this time I feel my depression has come back and I find it challenging not to worry about my lack of love life. I have lost alot of friendships over talking about dating frustrations with friends and problems I'm experiencing (which does make me feel more lonely than before). I have invested so much time into this that I feel I have lost the essence of who I am and what makes me interesting. Putting so much time into something with lack of results and leaving me feeling unconfident.

More about who I am, I have grown up in a lovely family and am grateful for everything I have. I am bubbly, friendly and love to have a laugh.
I do get down from time to time though and when people see this side they tend to back away and make reasons for not being able to talk or hangout. I do understand it would be frustrating to see a friend go through the same cycles over and over again, and can be hard to know how to respond.

I guess I don't know whether I should just accept I may not find a relationship at this point.

Would love to hear any similar situations or advice that could help.

Thanks so much!

I'm feeling very rejected from the whole experience. Don't get my wrong I have had some really lovely dates but I'm wanting more at this point.

4 Replies 4

Community Member

Perhaps you put too much pressure on yourself. My last partner and I were both single for 5 years before we started our relationship. During that time, we worked on ourselves. We were both cheated on. That was something we both needed to work on before going into a new relationship. For me, during that time I was able to move on. Unfortunately for him, his relationship anxiety reared it’s ugly head and he broke up with me. btw, I am 36 and he is 32. We met through work. Neither of us were looking for someone at the time. Our attraction was quite obvious too all, except each other. So, you will have another relationship but don’t be too hard on yourself. It’ll happen when it happens. That perfect person for you is out there and you’ll meet at the right time.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Katrina89,

You seem like such a warm, friendly and kind person from your post. I’m so sorry that you are feeling demoralized at the whole dating scene, and also that your past relationship ended on such a bad note. As someone who also dated for a few years, I too found myself getting my hopes up at the prospect of meeting my soulmate that I invariably felt let down and then depressed. I want you to know that there’s no shame in getting down from time to time, or feeling melancholic from every now and then. Not everyone is happy all the time, and to be honest I don’t trust those people who are 🙂 I think that just means you’re a bit of a sensitive soul who needs someone understanding and kind. Given you’ve been dating for 4 years and it’s getting you down, perhaps you could give it a break for a little while and focus on some other things you’d like to do with your time? That way you can still meet people but there’s not such pressure on it? You’re only young in the scheme of things so you have plenty of time (as I’ve come to learn from my 70 year old Uncle who has just started seeing someone new!)

Community Member
Thank you for taking the time to reply 🙂 appreciate it! Yes I do feel I'm putting pressure on myself, the longer it continues the more frustrated I'm feeling. I do want to get back into hobbies and developing friendships. I guess I need to change my focus and find what makes me happy again 🙂

Hello there, thank you for your quick response to my post and your kind words 🙂 I think having a break would be most beneficial at this point, getting back into a routine.