Feeling of failure

[scruffa]

Hi,

Firstly a bit about me. I suffer from depression and have done since 2000. I am currently married (6years) and have 2 children. Recently we have moved states and I have started a new job. This was extremely difficult for me as I did enjoy what I was doing and where I was living. However the opportunity came up to move back closer to family (mostly for our kids sake) and we took it. I'm still not sure it was the right move. Anyway on with my story. I feel like my family relationship is really struggling and has been for about 1 year. I feel like I am failing as a father because all I seem to do is get angry and cranky at my kids and just feel like it's too much and I'm over it all. I think this is also reflecting in my kids, particularly in my daughter as she is reacting angrily to situations a lot and on the other side of the coin acting as though she is scared of me. This breaks my heart because I love them both so much and all I can think about is it's all my fault and am I scarring these kids for life. My relationship with my wife is also stretched as we don't seem to have anything to talk about anymore. Most nights when I get home the conversation is minimal and in all honesty I don't have the drive to encourage it. Over the last couple of months we haven't even kissed each other goodnight regularly. I feel like it's all starting to fall apart and is just a matter of time before it does. I have little interest in anything or anyone and feel like I am to blame for all our issues. I seem to be tired, anxious and angry all the time and it really sucks. In just can't pull myself up out of this rut.

[PamelaR]

Hi Scruffa and warm welcome to the forums

Life sounds a little hard for you at the moment. Moving house, moving states, moving away from established networks and employment - are all very big stressors. So maybe go easy on yourself and your family. Perhaps they too are experiencing some of how you are feeling about the changes. Establishing new friendships and networks is always hard work.

I'm just wondering if you've seen your doctor recently about your depression? Maybe they could help with reviewing your mental health regime. It might be useful to get a referral to a health professional to talk through some of your concerns and to talk about the changes you're going through.

I've been someone who has moved states several times over my life. It is hard work, it's trying and it takes time to adjust to the new environment, new people, new job. I'm not a health professional, but from my experience, it sounds like you and your family are all needing some TLC to recover from your major changes.

Is it feasible for you and your wife to go on a date night (that's the thing these days)? Setting up a night to do something for just the two of you - dinner, movie, concert. In some instances staying in a motel/hotel for the night - if you have someone who can babysit.

How about setting up a play session with the kids - going to the zoo, beach. Something they like doing?

Just a few things for you to think about Scruffa. You're not alone and I'm sure there are others here who have had the same experience as you.

Kind regards

PamelaR