Feeling lost and in love, tell us your reasons.

[geoff]

We have many comments about being in love with someone but unable to achieve what we desire for many reasons.

Love is a beautiful word that can be expressed by just a small smile, a floating kiss or even a simple message that only has a word or two, such as I cherish you, I want you to be by my side or more adoring words, sometimes we are too afraid to show our love and causes problems that we were not expecting.

Why do we show our pets more love than we do with our partner/spouse?

All thoughts are welcome, both good and those that truly upset us.

Take care.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello RX, well yes I did lose friends because they didn't know how to handle it.

Going into the pub, my ex and I were talking about this the other night and life would have been completely different and going into the hotel business was not something I wanted to do, my self employed business in Melb was going well so I didn't want to leave, but was talked into it, so it changed our whole direction in life with good and bad consequences.

Take care my friend.

Geoff.

[Andre_P]

Hey Geoff been a long time man - hope ya doing well brother.

I think it’s because animals give unconditional love and there is no chance (well very little) of rejection hence forth why we give out soo much more to animals than ppl.

anyway just my opinion.

chat soon bro 🙂

[Guest_1584]

Hi Geoff.

Yeah right it's amazing isn't it how we can do something so huge yet maybe against what we'd probably otherwise had chosen.

The sort of thing l was referring to in my case too only it was a property that we wound up taking on , it changed everything but what's done is done l suppose like you say.

Nice to hear you and ex are still in touch.

You too and thanks as always.

rx

[geoff]

Hello Andre_P, you're right, even if for some reason we reprimand our dog, they still come back, but with my puppie just a look she knows, but the love is always there without any doubt.

Hi RX, you too are right, the farm we bought needed so much work, the only thing that convinced me was the enormous view we had after I trimmed all the gum trees, then to gut the whole house I really enjoyed and more so, did the family.

Best wishes to both of you.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Would've loved to have seen it Geoff , and l'm a sucker for a nice view.

Just to anyone around at the time and on another note about the letter l sent of to ex awhile back.

l found out last night she's moved 1/2 way cross the country long before l sent it . So depending on the terms she left the last place on , no idea as to whether they've forwarded it to her or not . But if she left on bad terms, which l always had a feeling that place wouldn't end well, they might've thrown it in the trash instead but who really knows.

The person that told me she moved , doesn't know why she moved or if she's with someone or not, ex was always extremely private. But the really weird part is , they had a couple of recent pics of ex , they'd last seen her 6 mths ago and wow , l wouldn't know ex on the street these days if l tripped over her she looks sooooo different.

Not so much aged as such in the normal way she hasn't at all really , but her face has changed a lot and she physically just looks really really different. She'd be 50ish now. like her skins still perfect really and her weight , she works out a lot it wasn't really that sort of thing, she just looked totally different. You know l tend to be attracted to the personality within the look and honestly l felt looking at her now l'm just looking at a different person l couldn't really imagine even being with.

So strange how things and people , life , change isn't it, and so fast sometimes. She probably is still the same person though maybe it was just the look on the day l don't know. But she was becoming more and more vegan and very very fanatical so l dunno , she looked really hard.

Anyway. lt was a wake up call. l mean she has my address, ph no , our chat app, my email , l'm thinking l don't even get a forwarding add when she moves 1/2 way across the country , what's the point in even writing anyway. Soooo, whether she got it or not don't know but all things considered l'm going to let it go.

rx

[geoff]

Hello RX, I'm sorry that she has moved but you have done everything possible to get in contact with her, you'll never know what happened to the letter, the intent may have been to redirect it, but know that this could have been procrastinated and left on the bench, so you will never know, unfortunately.

Maybe you need to let it go, if she wants to get in touch, then she will, you have tried your best but weren't to know whether or not she has moved somewhere else.

A photo of the view has no comparison to actually seeing it, something magic and I really miss it.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Hi Geoff.

Yeah def' , the friend said do you want the address she won't mind , l'm thinking well why didn't she send it to me , you know. But l took it anyway , l won't send anything though , def' time to let it go now in this case.

Still can't believe those pictures though. l mean it wasn't about getting back together , mainly an apology but things and scenario's still do float around in your head nonetheless. But man she looked so different and stern , it brought back all the memory of her fanatical veganism which is all about animal cruelty and and the farming these days you know.She built a website about it all and everything so living with her and all that was tbh pretty hard , even down to, especially actually , what was in the fridge or anything we ate and she was getting worse and worse. l dunno , so those photos, maybe bc l know her so well but l could see the extreme she was heading for and it was all over her mannerism and look in those pics. TBh l was kinda grateful after looking at them and it all coming back , that we didn't work out anyway nc she'd be 5x worse now.

ps , my place here has beautiful views out front yeah l've tried to capture 100 times in photos but they never look as good.

take care eh and l hope things are ok.

rx

[WaterFront]

Hi All,

I'm calling this post 'Lost and not in love'. Here I am one and a half years after it all happened. She is still very happily with her new person, with her new life, and not giving a single thought to me. I have days where I can make myself not think about it too much by keeping busy, and when I do that it then hits me all at once and I fall down the 'rabbit hole' of feeling really upset and ruminating for a day or a week. I am trying my hardest to move on. I really am. Please don't tell me I'll find someone else as I am totally not interested.

I've just spent the last hour blocking and unblocking her on my phone, trying to decide what would be best for me in terms of getting over it. This episode was because I happened to hear about her Christmas plans from a third party - I didn't go looking for the information. (She still texts me - though less frequently than before - about every six or seven weeks - I never text her) and usually because she wants something. She pretends she is interested or cares and then goes 'Also -' which is usually the thing she wants and the rest was a pretext building up to it (a pattern she seems to have).

I find random things remind me all the time and I can't seem to avoid them. Something I'm watching, doing, conversations, etc. We were very close for a very long time and then very suddenly we were not. Possibly co-dependent. We texted and talked on the phone every day for 20 years when we were not able to be together - in the last 5 years our friendship changed to a physically intimate one. Then, she met someone new and just left me, practically overnight, and really couldn't understand why it was so difficult for me. She just wanted us to go back to being friends as if nothing more had ever happened between us.

I know I just need to let time help me feel better but I really wish it would hurry itself up. I've decided to wait until the new year and block her then - make a fresh start for 2022 - get through her birthday, Christmas, New Year and so on.

I don't have anyone I can talk to about this so I am glad I have the BB community as a place where I can work through my thoughts and have kind and caring people listen. Just writing this post has made me feel a little better. Getting it off my chest I suppose. Thank you all.

WF

[ecomama]

Dear WaterFront, wow just wow... I just feel so sad for you having that all happen and now these awful times you're going through. Hugs.

So for 15y you 2 were best friends? Were either of you in relationships with other people during that time?

(I'm just trying to get my head around it).

Then it turned into a romantic relationship after 15y?
Sorry I feel awful asking you this. I apologise and truly understand if it's too much to go in to.

Hey, every single feeling you wrote about is valid. I can see you trying to "rationalise" your emotions with the comment .."Possibly co-dependent"... you don't have to put labels on yourself about this.
Everything you wrote reminded me of ME when I got an "emergency" appt with a Psych a few days after my D Day.... I spilled my guts out to her and kept asking her WHY did I feel THIS BAD?

Of course my relationship was nothing like yours, we're all totally different ppl an' all...

but what that Psych said next was SO IMPORTANT.... she said (sic) "The depth of your emotions is equal to the investment you had in that relationship".
I mean I had invested EVERY ounce of my entire being, every cent I had ever earned and every moment of every day was spent working my soul to the bone worried about how to "please him" (but lets face it there's no 'pleasing' a narcissistic psychopath - but BOY did I try!).

Goneskis! Gone for me anyway. THANK GOD!
I don't tolerate betrayal of infidelity at all.

SO now after many years still putting my life back together, dealing with C-PTSD and the wake of destruction this demon left in it's path, I know 100% that I can smile knowing that I have the "capacity" to love that deeply.

I CAN give love, dedication, fidelity and hard work to a relationship. I did exactly that but to an undeserving recipient. I won't go that far again but I don't need to with a normal person, whom I am engaged to now.

I also know 100% that demon does NOT have the capacity to love, only to use and manipulate for it's own self serving purposes.

I won't tell you to go out and get another partner. It's not a good idea as you deal with all of this.

I WILL say that there IS someone, possibly just as hurt from their past, Praying that someone like you exists.
And I'm grateful you do.

We don't need someone exactly like us lol, but it's awesome when you meet someone who matches your commitment.

Best wishes to you, talk away as much as you want to! It's a very healing thing to do.

Love EMxxxx

[geoff]

Hello RX, you often think about 'in hindsight and should what have been', and yes I do it and also do it with my ex but those times are only what we had hoped life would have been like, we never take into account any negatives because we don't know any and guessing isn't really appropriate because they may not have happened.

We can only speculate what has happened and wonder whether or not things might have changed, but then we're only guessing, people, change as they grow older and what we liked about them, they may no longer do.

Hi WF, if she only texts you on the pretence to see how you are going, but then wants something from you, then her concern is not genuine, it's a way to use you, and if this was me, then I'd be blocking her because if you don't then you may get excited about hearing from her, only to find out it's not that at all, she wants to use you.

I can't tell you what to do, but if you wait until after her birthday, Xmas etc she may be waiting until you send a present, so you are prolonging your decision, because what's going to happen next year and the year after, you were very close but she now has a new partner, let yourself move on, otherwise, the same may happen in 10 years time.

Any experiences that remind you of her, doesn't mean much because she is not with you anymore and could be doing other things with her new partner.

Begin to love yourself, that will give you the chance to find someone else you can love.

Take care.

Geoff.