Hi Sla24-
My heart goes out to you so much as you still grieve the loss of your mum, while your boys leave the nest. To be managing such things while you also try your best to manage your mental health and challenges within your marriage, that's a combination of such huge challenges in life. It's understandable as to why you feel so lonely and unhappy, with all of those things being such a personal and deeply felt collection of experiences.
I can't help but wonder whether you, your mum and your sons were all like peas in a pod to some degree, you all just got each other, really understood each other and could relate to each other in a number of ways. The reason I wonder is because this is the case with my mum, my son and my daughter. We're all deeply feeling people, all people with a bit of a quirky sense of humour, all deeply thoughtful in a number of ways, all wonderful (we are all full of wonder and thrive on that) and the list goes on. With my mum being 85, my son 18 and my daughter almost 21, I know I'll be facing soon what you currently face yourself. I'll be the only pea left in the pod at some point. With my husband and I getting along less and less, I definitely see this as a significant challenge coming up in my life. What makes it even more challenging is based on me having the ability to feel what's depressing at times in life, an ability that definitely feels more like a curse at times.
I'm not sure if the following's relatable but I'll throw it out there in the hope that it is and helps in making greater sense of things. I largely raised the kids on my own when it came to going on adventures when they were younger because my husband wasn't adventurous. My mum loved adventures too, when she was more physically able. My kids, my mum and myself are all in the habit of wondering about why each other might be feeling down and what we need in order to feel raised. My husband's always been uncomfortable giving thought to such things. The 4 of us also feel relaxed enough to be our silly selves around each other. We love speaking pure nonsense, just for laughs, and discovered how laughing over nonsense can be good for mental health in a sometimes serious and stressful world. My husband likes to put an end to nonsense. While developing facets of myself with my peas (in my pod), such as the adventurer in me, the wonderer, the carer, the analyst and feeler and the clown etc, I came to realise all the differences between myself and my husband. He won't be encouraging all those facets of me to come to life when everyone else is gone in one way or another.
In speaking with you Sla24, I've just realised my pod is also my comfort zone. I suppose a comfort zone is only a comfort zone if we're comfortable. When it becomes a zone of sufferance (like when we're the only pea left in it) that's a whole other story. Finding a new pod becomes the challenge and it can be a biggy if we're a bit of an introvert, something I can relate to.
