Feeling alone

[Melsbe]

Hi I'm Melissa 31 from sydney just sign up today.

I've been depressed for sometime now well actually few years. A big part of it is not having many people to talk to or hangout with so feel alone quite alot.

Most friends I went to school have moved out of sydney or we just went our separate ways and I don't get out alot so haven't met anyone new.

Most days are spent with my son or partner. My son has mental health issues so I'm a fulltime carer which doesn't leave me alot of options to do much.

I'd love to know what people do or where they go to meet new people.

I can be shy when meeting new people but I eventually warm up if we get along.

Feeling quite down right now and alone would love suggestion on what others do in their free time.

[White_Rose]

Dear Melissa

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. This is a good place to talk to people about the various events in your life and to express your sadness and hurt. Being a full time carer can be quite draining I believe. This is not a role I know much about other than being a mom to four children. Not the same I know but it can make your life a little restricted.

I can talk a little about depression as this is my story. Do you have any help with your depression? I appreciate it is difficult taking your son everywhere but I wonder if getting help for depression would help you in your care for your son? There are MH professionals who offer late appointments when your partner could take over the care of your son for a couple of hours. It's hard to make suggestions when I do not know much about your circumstances so please forgive me if I state the obvious.

I have several volunteer roles in the community which helps me as I feel I am helping out. This is probably not possible for you generally but sometimes organisations want people to carry out work that can be done in your own home. I knit beanies for sailors who call into port and who spend long months at sea without their families. Their pay is small so a warm beanie helps them. I have to say I have knitted so many of them I think I could knit in my sleep and as a brain challenging occupation it rates very low. Hospitals often want people to make clothing for premature babies, which I think may be more stimulating.

Other organisations need someone to write a weekly/fortnightly/monthly newsletter which again could be done mostly at home.Am I making suggestions in a way that is helpful to you?

My personal hobbies are making clothes for my grandchildren, embroidery and reading. I have also been tracing my family history for many years. I find this an addictive pastime and get quite excited when I track down a new ancestor. My family isn't particularly exciting, by which I mean I have no famous people or other movers and shakers, but there are the day to day lives, occupations and all the glimpses into the past which I find fascinating. Maybe this is something you could explore.

I also attend church every week and love the peace I find. I have made friends there and I help with various activities. One last quick thought, does your son attend school or other group activities and could you connect with other carers there? Love to know what sort of things interest you.

Mary

[Doolhof]

Hi Melissa,

I see Mary has sent your a lovely message already, including ideas for various activities you could do at home if possible.

I suppose options for activities will depend on the needs of your son and if you have any free time.

I'm not sure how far you have ventured looking on this forum, if you are feeling a little adventurous or curious, you might also like to check out the "social zone". There are some light hearted threads there under all types of topics.

Hopefully you will come up with some interesting and exciting ideas for ways to meet new people and to find more fulfilment in your life.

Our local library and cancel have a lot of information about volunteer positions and activities. Yours may be similar.

Our region also has a support group and respite for carers. There may be something in your area you can connect with. Once again the council may be able to help you with that.

Cheers fro now from Mrs. Dools

[Melsbe]

Hi white Rose

It is a struggle with doctors appointments for my son and being able to get out and about.

I would love to work or even find social activities but lacking in motivation and anxiety.

When I find something new it always ends the same I can't continue to do it as my son needs me.

Past few years have been very isolating not having friends to call or go see.

would like to find some sort of counselling but my last one wasn't very understanding of my situation and basicly said I have to deal with the cards that have been handed to me in life instead of trying to help me.

I will look up local council and see what they have.

I do enjoy cooking, drawing painting colouring.

[White_Rose]

Hello Melissa

Yes I was a bit nervous that my suggestions were impracticable for you. I think that's why I suggested family research as you can stop at any time and resume when you have time. It strikes me that I do not know exactly how much your life is circumscribed by your son's needs. Can you give us a general idea of the amount of time you have for yourself?

I cook because I need to eat. Drawing and painting I enjoy. Not much good at it but then it is for my enjoyment. It must have been very disappointing and frustrating not to receive help from someone who is supposed to be there to help you. Can you find someone else? Perhaps your GP can help you find a counsellor. Private organisations such as Relationships Australia, Anglicare, Salvation Army etc offer counselling at low or no cost. Again I understand you are restricted in times to access these services, but if you can search your local phone directories, especially under the names I have given you, you may well find a suitable counsellor.

Getting out of the house is good for everyone. Can you take your son to a local park, hopefully within walking distance to give you a little bit of exercise. There is a lot of evidence to show getting a small amount of exercise most days has a beneficial effect on depression.

I put Carers Groups Sydney into my search engine and came up with Carers NSW. You can find a group near you through this organisation. http://www.carersnsw.org.au/how-we-help/support Copy and paste this into your computer. They have counselling services which you may be able to access. Talking to this organisation may be a way to meet others. It's always good to share tips and stories about your particular situation with others in similar situations.

I don't know if this is possible but if you look around at notices in shop windows etc you can often find small groups that meet in each other's homes to share an activity. Book clubs are a good way to meet others as well as give you some intellectual stimulation. I have been meeting with the same book club for about 14 years.

I don't know if this is feasible, but can you find someone to sit with your son for a few hours while you get out of the house? Perhaps the people in Carers NSW can help you find some day respite care for your son. No idea if this is possible but it's a thought. I hope I have been a little more helpful.

Mary