Emotional abuse

[Blue69]

I have 5 kids. Not to current partner. Son in primary school lives with me and I’m banned from my other kids because they don’t work and take drugs. My man drinks but because he has a job it doesn’t matter. He throws thousands at his nephew for motorcross racing but if I lend ten dollars to my son I don’t live it down. He caused a fight and banned me from going with them to the races. Calls me lazy when I cook and clean and massage and brave face for my son. Valentine’s Day his nephew got gifts but not me. He spent an hour on the phone with his nephew and said I was stupid for getting upset. His going to Hawaii this year and I can’t go with him. He says he loves me and it’s just fantasy but he is verbally abusive. It’s like 100 red flags but he says it’s all in my head and I’m crazy and psycho. He says because I put on weight since we met I’m being clingy and paranoid. I can’t breathe right but can’t talk to him. He says his money and none of my business. I don’t know how to explain it but I can’t go and I’m broken.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Blue69,

Thank you so much forsharing this here. It sounds like there is a lot going on, and we’re really glad you could reach out to the forums. We know it's not easy to do, but it can be the first step on the journey towards feeling better.

We’d recommend reaching out to 1800RESPECT to get support with this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 and they also have webchat here. They are experts in supporting people who are experiencing abuse and will listen in a kind, understanding and non-judgmental way.

It sounds like it's really having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here. 

We’re sure we’ll hear from our lovely, supportive community soon. In the meantime, here’s a few things you might like to look at:

• 1800 RESPECT’s advice on reaching out safely online
• It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.

We are here to support you and you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing here. Please feel free to share a bit more and let us know what is going on for you, and what might help, if you feel comfortable.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Guest_1643]

Are you happy in the relationship ?

If not, it's ok to leave.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I agree with sleepy.

It sounds untoward but maybe you can consider your relationship right up till he leave for Hawaii.

To be a step parent one needs to be a very loving person even to his step children.

TonyWK

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Blue69,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums,

I am so sorry that your partner is treating you and your son that way...

I agree with Sleep and TonyWK...

Your partner sounds very controlling by banning you from an event you want to go to, He also sounds abusive by the way he is speaking to you and putting you down..

I was in an abusive and controlling relationships for 38 years...Its a very sad and hurtful life to stay with someone who doesn’t respect you.....

It’s a choice that only you can make Lovely Blue, whether you leave him or not....but honestly I wanted to say...That you, no one for that matter, ever deserves to be treated in any other way except with respect and care.....You don’t deserve to be treated that way....ever...

My kindest and most caring thoughts dear Blue69..

Grandy..

[smallwolf]

hello and warm welcome to you.

I mainly want to echo the sentiments of those who posted before me.

It takes courage to the post your story on the forums.

Sometimes when you (read "I") write here it is to get the thoughts out of your mind. Or trying to work out what to do next.

And as Grandy said, it sounds abusive to me as well, and you deserve a little happiness and treated with respect. If you want to chat some more, we are all here to support you at this time,

[geoff]

Hello Blue, an unsatisfactory situation for you, especially as you've named your thread 'Emotional abuse'.

No amount of money entitles anyone to think they should have control over a person, unfortunately, this happens too many times, which means you can't sneeze unless you are allowed to and your life is restricted to the full extent.

Is there a chance he believes that you will give any money to any of the other four children, especially as he doesn't like you giving money to your son you are looking after.

A relationship that is plodding along but very happy together is much better than a rich one where you have to ask if you can enter the room, and if not told to go away.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Petal22]

Hi Blue69,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry this is happening to you.

No one has the power to ban you from doing anything!

You are your own person and you can make your own decisions .

If you want to see your other children then see them.

YOU have seen the red flags…… listen to your gut…….

Stand up for you and your son you both deserve a life with love and happiness.

You know yourself what the right thing to do is for you and your son.

Move forward and have the life you want.