Early menopause possibly linked to IVF
In December 2019 I married my partner of 10 years.
Although we met when we were 3 at playgroup. We didn’t start dating until our early 30’s.
When I was 34 after being together for a couple of years we decided to try for a baby.
My GP said that I should do a test to check my egg count.
And the results were low. She referred us to a fertility clinic. We tried ovulation induction at one clinic but found the appointments hard to get to and very pricey.
6 Months later we got referred to another clinic. They charged us for every failed cycle, we did a few with them. I did not find them helpful at all.
We tried naturally for a couple of years with no luck so got a referral to yet another clinic and did 6 cycles through them.
We eventually got to egg retrieval time but sadly they could only get (1) egg. So they used all the money and hope we had in the world on this one little egg with my partners sperm. Got a phone call at work a couple of days later to say that it didn’t work.
The fertility specialist then suggested our next step would be donor egg.
The thought of this makes me feel so hopeless and useless that my own body cannot produce/conceive. I feel like an absolute failure.
we decided to get married after my husband proposed to me on my 40th Birthday.
Last year 2019 was the year of joy! I took time away from trying to fall pregnant and actually enjoyed our life leading up to the wedding.
I had two periods in November 2019 which was weird. I was due while we were on our Honeymoon straight after the wedding. But never got it. I decided to get some blood tests done because I was feeling so unwell with hot flushes and exhaustion. My test results came back and my GP told me that I’m now in early menopause, not peri menopause which is common for my age. But actual menopause. Which doesn’t normally occur until ladies are in their late 40’s to 50’s.
I am currently feeling broken and empty inside. I can’t really talk to my husband as he doesn’t know what to say or do. My mum and mother in law although they mean well don’t really know how to support me. They both had children. As do most of my friends. My friends try to understand but how can they really?
Also I don’t want people’s advice I just want my baby. And I’m not yet ready to give up this fight.
I truely believe that all the hormones pumped into my body has caused me to go into early menopause. This is just going by personal experience.
Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out, on such a tough situation.
It seems like you have been through the wringer in your effort to have children, with no result. I wish I knew what to say. I have no words except that I am so sorry to hear of your struggle.
I will also say that I am by no means any kind of medical professional, so as to whether or not the treatment has in fact caused early menopause ..... well, your guess is as good as mine.
Confession time too; I am a woman who is now almost 50 and am childless by choice. I do have a friend though who went through something similar to what you described - went to all kinds of efforts to have children, with no result. Her and her (now second) husband now do Greyhound rescue. I really think that the greyhounds have become her ' surrogate babies'. She seems happy enough .... but I also think that underneath there is an eternal grief and sadness for what she has missed out on. It breaks my heart because I saw her struggle with it for so long. Bu she sure does dote on those dogs! And what a wonderful service it is too; caring for those animals rejected just because they aren't what someone else expected.
But I want to also say, and remind you, that you are NOT, by NO MEANS a failure. Failure, as my Dad always said; "Failure is in not even trying". And by gosh, you have most certainly tried. Perhaps instead you could give yourself a pat on the pack for being so persistent?! Surely that would be better than beating yourself up, yeah?
Anyway, I just wanted you to know that someone is always listening (reading these posts) and that your feelings are perfectly valid ...... and the only advice I will offer is to not be so hard on yourself. You've obviously given it a red hot go, and that, my dear, is something worth bragging about. Many people give up way sooner. Remember; there's no failure in trying. The only real failure is in making no effort at all.
Anyway, Beyond Blue is here for you for as much support as you need. Please feel free to come back to this thread as much as you like.
Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo
My heart truly goes out to you!
Although I have not experienced the heart break you have been through and are still going through, my own experiences between having my 2 children many years back were pretty soul destroying. I went through a fair amount of grief which most of the people around me just couldn't relate to. 'This is not the way it's supposed to be! What's wrong with me?' became a couple of my mantras. No one really prepares you for how things don't work out.
Probably a bit of a silly question but have you ever looked into natural therapies such as deep relaxation techniques? Such techniques are for every day life. They have been known to help re calibrate the body for women who are looking to become pregnant. You've been through a massive amount of ongoing stress. You actually hear stories of how women have tried so hard to become pregnant and then end up adopting. After the adoption, once they've relaxed out of trying to become pregnant, they naturally conceive. it's like a miracle.
In certain cultures there is no such thing as menopause, believe it or not. It is recognised that at this certain stage of life (I'm 49 by the way), we are meant to enter into a more naturally relaxed lifestyle. Breathing techniques to exhaust sudden influxes of energy (aka hot flushes) are highly beneficial. An altered diet to help transitional changes are also highly beneficial. The list goes on when it comes to naturally helping our body to cope with changes.
Don't give up hope regarding the pregnancy aspect. Perhaps consider alternative therapies to help your body. Whether this involves meditation, a lot of calming walks in nature, breathing techniques or certain aspects of Kundalini in the way of sexual practice, keep investigating. Your detective work may just pay off.
your words are full of pain and sadness. I am a man so I'm not going to pretend I can feel your depths of disappointment. If I may say, how lucky you are to be with a man you have known since you were three years old. I would have loved to have a life with such strong life time touch points.
I can only underline what therising and Soberlicious96 have already said, you are NOT a failure. Your life has just gone a different way to some others.
My wife went through an early menopause (42) and I remember the GP saying, menopause is a retrospective diagnosis. In other words, we can't definitively say you are at menopause until you have not had a period for 12 months. Any variations on the normal cycle up until that 12 month point is considered peri menopause. The reason she told us that was because she felt contraception was still important if we didn't want any more children.
I'm not trying to offer false hope but rather just let you know there are people out here who care about your pain and wish you and your husband well.
I've also done 11 cycles of IVF and I have been told by so many Drs that ivf isn't linked to early menopause. I still think they are wrong. It says you stop releasing eggs so when you have done so much ivf and used up a hang of a lot more eggs than an average woman why would menopause not come earlier?
If you can freeze eggs before they stop releasing you can still try after menopause hits.
The one thing that bugged me so much was when people use to say "stop thinking about it and it will Just happen"....made my day 10 times worse and every man and his dog would say it!