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Dysfunctional loveless family gets me down every Christmas

Community Member


I was hoping this Christmas would be full of joy and love, like I do every Christmas but every year it doesn't live up to my hopes.
I have a family that is dysfunctional.
Gosh how I wish our Christmas was like other families.

My mum always gets angry at someone on Christmas eve or day and her negative mood spoils it for all.
My sisters are estranged, I am estranged from one sister. My estranged sister is also estranged from my mum.
My sister and her husband are in a loveless marriage of convenience. I've never seen them affectionate (hug, hold hands, kiss, talk nice to each other).
My other sister (who I am estranged from) cheated on her husband and she is hard to get along with, she's poison, the whole family tiptoes around her, she bullies us, she attacks me.
Her husband tells me they're going well, marriage okay. I can't see my nephew and niece due to this estrangement.
He's hard to trust, don't know if he's for real or not.

Today my mum attacked my dad over something he said over the phone to his sister and they haven't been speaking all day and my mum is in a foul mood at me and dad. At me even though this has nothing to do with me.
I said nah, I am not having this negativity on Christmas day and so I drove to my sisters house (the one in a loveless marriage) only to find more unhappiness there and my brother in law getting angry at my sister mocking him. He said he should belt her one, and he said this in front of my niece. I decided to leave after that "joke" of his, I don't find violence against women, especially my sister funny. Especially considering his violent past with women. He swears he has never hit my sister and she has never said he has. I didn't say anything, I am considering pulling him up on this comment as it is not the first time he has "joked" about belting my sister.
I don't want my nieces thinking that violence against women is a laughing matter or that it is normal.

I am fed up with my family. Another Christmas down the toilet.
They are all a bunch of grinches.
I can't wait to have a girlfriend (future wife?) that I can have Christmas with. Away from this negativity.

Sorry had to vent, don't know who to talk to or where to go (I live with my parents).

14 Replies 14

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member


Often we only see our relatives on the holidays. We a start with a cordial meet and greet, and all that well wishing b.s. and then get back to being family again.

over the years we have all become different people with different ideas on what the ideal holiday should be, and when that doesn't happen, we go straight into blaming everyone else for it. we're back to the sibling rivalries.
but what is interesting, is no matter how shit the holiday may seem at the time, we still love our families and we'll go back and do the exact same thing next year.

I really haven't seen that much difference between my dysfunctional family that I grew up with, versus the dysfunctional family that I have with my kids, versus the dysfunctional family of cousins, or friends. We're all dysfunctional.


Community Member

Hey Mister M,

Please will you accept this gift?

And yes I remember you from maybe the beginning of the year..... Anyway if you close your eyes and imagine a small wrapped box. It is wrapped in gold coloured paper, tied up with a red bow. There is a tiny white card attached by neatly cut sticky tape on the front. It has your name written on it. Do you see it in your imagination?

You have just been handed it. And in my imagination you have politely said thank you. You untie the bow, turn the box over, and peel off the sticky tape from the gold paper. Once you have gently removed the paper and put it aside. You look at this simple brown box with hand painted musical notes on the outside. You pry open the lid and peer inside. And as you peer inside.....a huge amount of joy is felt right inside your heart. A joy that lasts not only for a moment but every day for the rest of your life and beyond your life on earth.

There you go Mister M.....



Hey Shelley,

Yes I do remember you. I hope you've been well.
That was so sweet of you xxxooo

Thank you!

I'm feeling better now that Christmas is over.

Community Member

Hey MisterM

I wish I could send you peace and happiness...but unfortunately I understand this all too well

With you in solidarity brother

Thank you JustBeautifulYou.

Community Member

Hi, Mr M,

I'm very sorry if this comes out all wrong, I'm new to this, but here goes.
Every family is dysfunctional, some definitely more than others, but know this, you have obviously seen what that sort of behaviour can do to even one single person within a family, so you know how it feels, you know it's not pleasant. Thus, when you finally have that family of your own, you will treat them with respect, kindness, and unconditional love because that is what you were taught from your family. Yes, the terrible way they treat each other and you is awful, but you have chosen to not be a victim of that abuse and have chosen to learn and grow from it. So whenever you feel down about your family, remember that it is because of them that you are the kind and loving person that you are, and it is because of them that your future family will grow up in happiness and unconditional love.
Don't get me wrong, they don't deserve credit for the person you've become, that is all you, but always know that because of them, you will never, ever make anyone feel the way you have been made to feel.

You are a wonderful person, and you should be proud of that

Hi Anna-Connor (Excuse me hijacking your thread Mr M)

Welcome to the forums Anna, I was about to switch my PC off and just read your post here.

You have nothing to apologise for at all...You have written a great post for Mr M and good on you for doing so!

It would be great if you could stick around the forums Anna-Connor.....you have a lot to offer (if you wish of course) on the forums 🙂

Nice1 Anna

my kindest thoughts


Thank you again, Paul (or do I call you blondguy, I'm sorry, I'm not too sure),
This is a really amazing site, it's already helped me a lot!

Hi All,

Christmas can certainly be an interesting time of the year. One guy was telling me that his father quite often threw the Christmas Turkey across the room at dinner time. Maybe they should stop having Turkey!

It would be lovely if everyone could play Happy Families all through the year and not just at Christmas. For some that is just impossible. It all seems so much worse at Christmas though doesn't it!

Anna, and JustMe welcome tot he community here. Anna, people seem to use all kinds of names and titles here. I am sure Paul for example will respond to Paul or Blondeguy.

I use Doolhof, Mrs. Dool or just Dools. Some people making typing errors or the computer chooses Fools for them, I answer to that as well. Some people don't use names or titles, they just respond. That is okay too.

Hope you both feel welcome here. Cheers from Dools