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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MisterM Dysfunctional loveless family gets me down every Christmas
  • replies: 14

Hey, I was hoping this Christmas would be full of joy and love, like I do every Christmas but every year it doesn't live up to my hopes. I have a family that is dysfunctional. Gosh how I wish our Christmas was like other families. My mum always gets ... View more

Hey, I was hoping this Christmas would be full of joy and love, like I do every Christmas but every year it doesn't live up to my hopes. I have a family that is dysfunctional. Gosh how I wish our Christmas was like other families. My mum always gets angry at someone on Christmas eve or day and her negative mood spoils it for all. My sisters are estranged, I am estranged from one sister. My estranged sister is also estranged from my mum. My sister and her husband are in a loveless marriage of convenience. I've never seen them affectionate (hug, hold hands, kiss, talk nice to each other). My other sister (who I am estranged from) cheated on her husband and she is hard to get along with, she's poison, the whole family tiptoes around her, she bullies us, she attacks me. Her husband tells me they're going well, marriage okay. I can't see my nephew and niece due to this estrangement. He's hard to trust, don't know if he's for real or not. Today my mum attacked my dad over something he said over the phone to his sister and they haven't been speaking all day and my mum is in a foul mood at me and dad. At me even though this has nothing to do with me. I said nah, I am not having this negativity on Christmas day and so I drove to my sisters house (the one in a loveless marriage) only to find more unhappiness there and my brother in law getting angry at my sister mocking him. He said he should belt her one, and he said this in front of my niece. I decided to leave after that "joke" of his, I don't find violence against women, especially my sister funny. Especially considering his violent past with women. He swears he has never hit my sister and she has never said he has. I didn't say anything, I am considering pulling him up on this comment as it is not the first time he has "joked" about belting my sister. I don't want my nieces thinking that violence against women is a laughing matter or that it is normal. I am fed up with my family. Another Christmas down the toilet. They are all a bunch of grinches. I can't wait to have a girlfriend (future wife?) that I can have Christmas with. Away from this negativity. Sorry had to vent, don't know who to talk to or where to go (I live with my parents).

Nansee Ive been wearing a mask all my life!!
  • replies: 13

I really dont know how to reach out and ask for help so ive taking this up to hopefully find answers. i think i have known iv got both anxiety and depression for a long time dating back to my childhood. but being polynesian "theres no such thing" or ... View more

I really dont know how to reach out and ask for help so ive taking this up to hopefully find answers. i think i have known iv got both anxiety and depression for a long time dating back to my childhood. but being polynesian "theres no such thing" or was told "im just overly sensitive" So all my life its felt like everyday i wake up shower and put on a Mask to show "happy....joyful....strong....driven person.. when deep down i hate myself.... i feel lonely... empty....worthless and so much more i have absolutely no energy and no motivation to do anything! i have 2 beautiful girls and most times they cheer me up, sometimes it takes me just to stare at them for 1 minute for me to snap out of being blue... but then there are times when they cuddle me or give me kisses because they see im"sad" even that doesnt work... and i try to stay away from them because i dont want them to see me like this... does this make me a bad mum?? Its 4am right now and i cant sleep... this is EVERY NIGHT! i still get up and do my duties as a mother and wife but i do it with me wearing a mask.... there are times i just stay in bed or decide not to clean up... or make dinner.... but i guess im thankful my husband picks up where i slack off. i want to talk to people, and not have to put that mask on.... i want them to see the REAL me!! and most of all i want to speak to someone that will understand me and what im going through. I have decided to go and speak to my GP about this (never have before) im getting anxious already.... please if you have any tips... #MaskedGirl

LMClost Marriage advice needed - Struggling with trust & lying
  • replies: 5

Ok this is my 1st time posting... So I am married (a little over a year) and have been with my wife for over 5 years. I am a compulsive liar and this was affecting our relationship. I sought out councelling early last year and I genuinely feel that i... View more

Ok this is my 1st time posting... So I am married (a little over a year) and have been with my wife for over 5 years. I am a compulsive liar and this was affecting our relationship. I sought out councelling early last year and I genuinely feel that it had helped me. We have grown closer after mistrust in me because of these lies. (I have never cheates on her and lies were mainly money related but I don't do that anymore) We sleep in seperate beds due to my snoring and our intimacy is pretty low. My wife has endometriosis (hope I spelt that right) so it is difficult for her to have sex. The 30th Dec , I was scrolling through a website when ashley madison popped up...I clicked on and browsed for about 5/10 minutes then removed the account and went back to the original (i felt both guilty and it was boring). Anyway the days after I had a picture of me on my phone with a tile accross my face (I think I had accidentally screen shot it) and my wife seen it. I completely panicked and told a flat out lie which she knew it was a lie. I made an excuse to leave the house because i was shaking and panicked. Anyway I came home and told her the truth. She is hurt, feels betrayed and I will be going to see another councellor shortly but I feel like this time it's over! I feel physically sick (have vomited for 4 days straight) and depressed with the thought of losing what we have together and what we could have created. I know I am disgusting for going onto that site (believe me I hate myself for it) but she is so distraught by the lies. I think I needed to post this to get it off my chest but I'm at a loss as to how to save my marriage! I love her but I needed to respect her! LMC

ang3m some clarity and help
  • replies: 6

First time posting... I have been sitting with some unhelpful thoughts and not coping. My partner and I have been together for 8 years. Through this, he has suffered from depression, and I from GAD. Around 6 months ago we had a massive argument, that... View more

First time posting... I have been sitting with some unhelpful thoughts and not coping. My partner and I have been together for 8 years. Through this, he has suffered from depression, and I from GAD. Around 6 months ago we had a massive argument, that has now turned into him shutting off, telling me he doesn't feel anything towards me, no love, no attraction. He going to a psych and they have said it is trauma and depression. Our arguing has gotten worse. At least twice a week. He says all he feels is anger and sadness. My head tells me it's my fault, I should leave, he is too nice to leave. I keep reading of stories similar, and they say that they look for relationships with other people to make them feel good. He is making new friends online all of which are female. I am feeling incredibly insecure and not good enough. I don't know what to do. I just want things back to normal. Before 6 months ago. I feel like he has already slipped away and our time together is pretty much done.

Taylah75 Should I be there or am I wasting my time, need some advice
  • replies: 56

I was in a 2yr relationship until 10 days ago. In brief. He split from his marriage 3 months before we met me, his ex wife had affair with mate. we both have kids & introduced them at the start they didn't get along and then they did. We didn't see e... View more

I was in a 2yr relationship until 10 days ago. In brief. He split from his marriage 3 months before we met me, his ex wife had affair with mate. we both have kids & introduced them at the start they didn't get along and then they did. We didn't see each other much during week as I have son 12 out of 14 days and he has his one week on one week off. There was never any pressure on living with each other. We both accepted that could be something down the track when boys older. Two different kids etc. We had fun, good friendship, there for each other and on a physical level very well connected. We text and spoke every day. The last few months both had a bit going on. My friend was dying of cancer and I was there for her through her journey. Visited her in QLD. Etc and organised a wake for her in Melbourne. My boyfriend about 3 weeks ago purchased a property with large mortgage, had issues with his son and having issues with work meaning job on the line. He's been in his job only 10 weeks. Since the purchase of his property I noticed changes which was only the past four weeks. He was becoming more angry towards me which wasn't like him to be so angry, he was putting me down about my job etc I said what is wrong with you. My head was spinning out of control. I said what is going on. He then said he can't deal with my son, doesn't want him around. I felt really hurt. He hadn't seen him for about two months. after another chat with him on Friday just gone, Nothing was mentioned about My son. He said he hates Melbourne and people here, has done it again meaning he owns something that now owns him his mortgage. Issues with job, said initially he didn't want kids and is not enjoying having his son one week on and one week off due to son not listening or doing anything. His mum not helping or supporting him at all. He likes control within his home environment, doesn't like change, he is a home body and creature of habit. He gave me a hug when I left and wouldn't let me go. Sent text saying I love him and he text and said he feels like a monster. he did say things that hurt me at the end but feel he's out of control of his life. He said he wants to be alone with no relationship and happy just him and his dog. I feel he's lashed out and not coping. Sent text Tuesday and said I do want to be there. He replied and said thanks your right I'm flat out. Just need advice if I be there or not. Is he depressed and lashed out? Do I be there

2under2 Severe seperation anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am a mother of previously 2 under 2. There is a reason that this has a lot of stigma attached, it is really really really hard. And not just until the older one turns two..but well and truly long afterwards. My 10 month old has extremely sever ... View more

Hi, I am a mother of previously 2 under 2. There is a reason that this has a lot of stigma attached, it is really really really hard. And not just until the older one turns two..but well and truly long afterwards. My 10 month old has extremely sever separation anxiety and will not leave my side for a second. Sometimes she will will go to her father but not for long and she won't let him feed her. The older one is also extremely clingy to me and wants to be held and attended to constantly. Basically its all me, all of the time. I cant even go to the toilet or get myself a glass of water without being yelled for. It makes me feel extremely anxious and claustrophobic. I hope that someone will be able to give me some advice..

Smiley_face Lonely
  • replies: 5

Hi I have a 3 month old baby and no friends. The only people I no r family/ inlaws. I use to have friends but one by one we fell out. i have a husband who is always to busy to spend time with me. He runs his own business and is always working. He get... View more

Hi I have a 3 month old baby and no friends. The only people I no r family/ inlaws. I use to have friends but one by one we fell out. i have a husband who is always to busy to spend time with me. He runs his own business and is always working. He gets 4 weeks off every year over xmas but this year his family came and spent the whole 4 weeks so he was busy with them all holidays and can't spend one on one time with me, he sleeps in a seperate room at night because the baby crys and doesn't want to be disturbed i feel lonely and this makes me sad im trying to b a good sport but I can't help but feel this way. Him and his relatives planned an activity I can not participate in because I have the baby I expressed to him that this made me feel left out but the choice is his if he wants to do this activity or not. He said he wants to do it but if I don't want him to he won't. I just want him to want to spend time with me because he prefers it. Not because I ask him to.

Nickname_F206AE54-1EC8-48 My son's best mate died by suicide
  • replies: 6

hello i just signed up..today was one of the hardest days of my life as a mum as my sons best mate was laid to rest at 19 years of age....suicide

hello i just signed up..today was one of the hardest days of my life as a mum as my sons best mate was laid to rest at 19 years of age....suicide

Cherries Pushed my support network away for good
  • replies: 4

i have been suffering from what i assume is depression for the last two/three years due to past family and relationship incidents. i have lost a lot of my social network due to no motivation to socialise, my family have issues of their own to deal wi... View more

i have been suffering from what i assume is depression for the last two/three years due to past family and relationship incidents. i have lost a lot of my social network due to no motivation to socialise, my family have issues of their own to deal with so i'm on my own here. i had recently met someone very genuine, honest and caring. However as much as i tried to let them in i couldn't do it and had pushed them away multiple times. This person has understood my issues and perservered until yesterday when i guess the final straw was drawn. i'm 100% sure all hope is gone as their last words were harsh but fair and for me to never contact them again. they will never know how much i cared about them and how much i want and need their support. i don't know what to do, i haven't stopped crying over this. do i let them go and lie in my bed or do i try and contact them again? any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Ambrosia Empty friends/empty family = alone
  • replies: 10

Hi. Well, it's prob been a yr since I posted - but hey, if any time of yr could make you feel bad, it's Xmas! How many genuine friends do people have? Really? I'm 41 and my circle is incredibly small. My husband is FANTASTIC and my best friend I have... View more

Hi. Well, it's prob been a yr since I posted - but hey, if any time of yr could make you feel bad, it's Xmas! How many genuine friends do people have? Really? I'm 41 and my circle is incredibly small. My husband is FANTASTIC and my best friend I have some old friends that's very hard to see (I work I hospitality and the hrs are non-conducive to maintaining relationships). my family life is a mess. My mother died 7 yrs ago, my father left me for another woman (he has cancer but we can't see him because she won't let us), I'm estranged from my sister and my brother only appears when he needs too. One so-called best friend (of almost 30 yrs), stopped talking to me because we had a falling out (I believe many mature people would see it for what it was and move on - although deep down I believe it's because she's so miserable that my happy marriage and successes is pushing to the forefront the misery she's trying to deny). My other so-called best friend, of 20 yrs or so, became so unsupportive and rude and belittling, I'm guessing over the same thing), that I called it quits last year. so now it's me, my husband, a handful of old workmates that I struggle to see (I've lost some along the way - the girl I was bridesmaid for moved to tassie and forgot to tell me!) and my beloved cat. i work a lot but I adore the commerardery of my workplace that I don't want to give it up because then I'm worried I would lose those friends too (I know I will . Staff range from 19-47 yo so I know a lot of it is friends due to location). I just don't want to be alone . I love spending time by myself but I can't handle loneliness. so how many friends do adults have? What's common? I'm proud I cleared false friends out of my life over the years but I don't want to be alone . I won't cope. That's why I work so much and have gone back to Uni. To fill a hole where my love and trust disappeared to.