Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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kitedrew How to deal with consistant physical rejection when you are doing all you can
  • replies: 10

Hi community, I am new to this site and definitely new to having anxiety with physical symptoms. So please be nice but honest!! I am a 32 year, male, medically i am fit and with no issues, dont smoke, dont drink and love being active however anxiety ... View more

Hi community, I am new to this site and definitely new to having anxiety with physical symptoms. So please be nice but honest!! I am a 32 year, male, medically i am fit and with no issues, dont smoke, dont drink and love being active however anxiety has stopped alot of that as sports now triggers breathing difficulties. I have two major anxiety triggers i have learnt about of the last 6 months. One being health based anxiety where a single little pain will trigger an anxiety / panic attack. This one i am working on and doing well at getting over it slowly. However the second is the one i wish advice on. I am due to get married to my gorgeous wife-to-be very soon, and this decision will not change as i really do love her with all my heart. we are both super excited. However over the past year and especially in the last 4 months she has been constantly rejecting my advances. Intimacy has dropped to a level i have never experienced since i was single. Now i know most of you might have the stereotype view that i need to do more around the house to help her and to romance her. But this is not the case with me. I am a hopeless romantic that loves doing little things for my partners, i do all the cooking, most of the cleaning and don't force her to do anything she does not want to do. She can hang with her friends and party without me if she wants as i dont have trust issues. I am a kind, caring and considerate person that considers everyone a friend. It all started when her work life started taking over and she worked 12-14 hour days constantly. She had a stress melt down over work but after she got over it went straight back to working the same crazy hours. She sleeps all the time, falls asleep on date nights, too tired or not in mood in mornings or is too focused on other things. We used to have a great intimacy connection. She has been working on things but in last 4 months her stress levels have decreased a little, which is good. Now last night when i touched and kissed her, suddenly i felt an instant and overpowering feeling of rejection and than anxiety kicked in. I guess i might be overthinking whether that touch will get brushed off or make her feel uncomfy. I am a very physical person and she used to like that. I just need some advice to get through this patch and how people deal with it? I want it to get back to what it used to be but i know it will take time. ps. our communication is good hence why she is trying to work on things.

GuestYD Advice
  • replies: 11

Hi all I'm a woman who has only ever slept with men. I think I'm interested in girls. It's something that keeps coming up since my teens and I tell people at times when I've been drunk. I had a dream last night about a friend proposing to me and I fe... View more

Hi all I'm a woman who has only ever slept with men. I think I'm interested in girls. It's something that keeps coming up since my teens and I tell people at times when I've been drunk. I had a dream last night about a friend proposing to me and I felt so happy. It made so much more sense being with a girl than a guy. What should I do now? Thanks LC

Quaintrelle Don't know how to keep going...
  • replies: 5

I'm 31, in a long term relationship, and 8 months pregnant with my first child (due December 23). I have Persistent Depressive Disorder (or Dysthymia), Major Depression, Anxiety and a substance abuse problem (alcohol). It has been a very difficult pr... View more

I'm 31, in a long term relationship, and 8 months pregnant with my first child (due December 23). I have Persistent Depressive Disorder (or Dysthymia), Major Depression, Anxiety and a substance abuse problem (alcohol). It has been a very difficult pregnancy and dealing with it on top of my pre-existing mental health problems has left me feeling pretty battered, bruised and struggling to cope. Then, about 2 months ago, my Mother had a severe stroke. She is only 53 and - prior to this - was active, independent and in perfect health. She has made incredible progress in terms of recovery but is never going to be the same. As such, she will likely not be able to live independently again (at least, not in the immediate future). I am grieving for the Mother I once knew and, as I prepare to become a mother myself, I feel this lost most keenly. My parents are divorced and so the responsibility for her future care falls to my sister (age 29) and I. Despite the conflicted relationship I have with my Mother, I cannot bear to see her relegated to a residential facility. We are not in a position to fund private care, so it has to be my sister and I who look after her. She is still in hospital for the moment but we have been notified that she could be discharged as early as the 11th of November so we must make plans rather quickly. The idea is for all of us (my mother, sister, partner, our new baby and myself) to move in together so we can share the workload of caring for my Mother at home. While I know that this arrangement makes the most sense, I am feeling so overwhelmed by the prospect that I am struggling to keep going. Instead of spending these last few weeks preparing for my new baby, I am snowed under with responsibility and have so much to do. My Mother is the least organised person I know, and wading through her papers so I can get her finances (etc) in order as her Power of Attorney is a mammoth and seemingly unending task. Dealing with Centrelink to try to arrange a Disability Support Pension and trying to figure out all that she will require once she is home in terms of equipment, support and services (when the hospital will tell me nothing, and the social worker assigned to her case is impossible to get in touch with) is an absolute nightmare! Honestly, I just want to run away, change my name, start again. Some days, all I do is lie in bed and cry. I feel so frustrated, so hopeless, so trapped. I don't know how to keep going. I need help.

james1 Liking people too much
  • replies: 7

Hello everyone, I don't know what I'm looking for here. Maybe to vent, or maybe to ask whether others do this as well to the same or similar degree/extent. I realise I like people too much too quickly. In psychology talk, it's the idealisation part o... View more

Hello everyone, I don't know what I'm looking for here. Maybe to vent, or maybe to ask whether others do this as well to the same or similar degree/extent. I realise I like people too much too quickly. In psychology talk, it's the idealisation part of splitting. In my relationships, whether friendships, family or romantic, I am either 100% emotionally invested or 0%. There is no middle ground for me, even upon just meeting someone. And my natural tendency is to go 100% until they do something I don't like, at which point I will either forgive and then give 150%, or just fall apart and decide I never want to talk to them again. And in the process of all this, I lose myself a bit. To give you an example, if I start a conversation here, I feel obliged to continue it. I might still enjoy it, but I will also think that they must at least like talking to me so I can't let them down. And I will be super afraid that I'll let them down and if there's a slight delay in the response, I panic without realising it. So then I'm not even continuing the conversation for myself, but just for the other person. It's very annoying. It's something I'm working on with my psychologist but progress is so slow. I don't feel like I've made any changes to how I feel, only how I react. So I now just walk away and leave it until later. But it doesn't help the hurt inside and I end up brooding. Still, it's better than both brooding and reacting badly, damaging the relationship/friendship. Okay, that's all from me. James

Real1 Out of control!
  • replies: 15

I am in a bad situation and can't see the end of the tunnel! I have a long time girlfriend who lives 3 states away, she has this guy who's been after her. She sees him just as a friend, but he wants more. Unfortunately she is young and gullible, whic... View more

I am in a bad situation and can't see the end of the tunnel! I have a long time girlfriend who lives 3 states away, she has this guy who's been after her. She sees him just as a friend, but he wants more. Unfortunately she is young and gullible, which he prays on. Despite a 4 hour chat between them last weekend, (their second as they had one last year) this guy doesn't take a hint! He fronted up to me the other night, via SMS, and he revealed himself for what he was...which was the wake up call she needed to see his true side. He's soon to be her boss, my BIGGEST nightmare! I trust her, as I always have after 8 years as she's very moralistic, but him I don't! Some nights I lay in bed my head spinning and my stomach churning, it's a living hell!!! Is there any way to get a handle on this?

Fab4 Chronic sleep deprivation + 4kids & FT work
  • replies: 3

Life feels very very hard right now. I feel awkward to reach for support when I know so many people have bigger concerns than me. In many ways I am very blessed and lucky. I feel like life will be easier one day but right now I am struggling to face ... View more

Life feels very very hard right now. I feel awkward to reach for support when I know so many people have bigger concerns than me. In many ways I am very blessed and lucky. I feel like life will be easier one day but right now I am struggling to face each day, crying every day, feeling unstable, and unsure how to get on top of things. I have seen my GP every week this month and started anti depressants a few weeks ago. My extended family are completely unsupportive despite me asking for help and explaining how much Im struggling. My husband is in the same place as me. He is very helpful but we just feel like robots going through the motions every day. We have toddler twins and two primary school aged kids. 3 of the 4 kids wake multiple times a night. There are constant tantrums and mess. The jobs to be done are never ending. We are always running out of money despite earning reasonable incomes. We didnt plan on 4 kids. We didnt even plan on 3 kids. Thats a longer story though. Like I said - i should feel blessed. I just dont know how to navigate from this rut to the blessed place.

Dusty78 The anniversary of my mothers death
  • replies: 3

Its less than a month till the 1 year anniversary of my mothers suicide. i dnt know how to feel. i dnt know what to do. all my family is in new Zealand and know body around me knew her. all i want on her anniversary is to sit down and reminisce about... View more

Its less than a month till the 1 year anniversary of my mothers suicide. i dnt know how to feel. i dnt know what to do. all my family is in new Zealand and know body around me knew her. all i want on her anniversary is to sit down and reminisce about her but everyone is so far away. she had alot of troubles thro out her life. she was a functioning alcoholic. even she would admit alcohol was her first love. she fought her demons untill her last breath. i always knew this is how ahe would go but didnt think she would leave me at 24 years old. what about her grandchildren she will never meet what about when i get married.

Callie11 down in the dumps and don't know where to turn.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I've been living with anxiety and possibly a bit depressed for the past year, although I've only really accepted all of this in the last week. Im booked in to see a psychologist on friday but wanted to reach out to other people in similar situati... View more

Hi, I've been living with anxiety and possibly a bit depressed for the past year, although I've only really accepted all of this in the last week. Im booked in to see a psychologist on friday but wanted to reach out to other people in similar situations. Ive been with my partner for 2 and a half years, we are currently renting together. He is 33 and I am 24. About a year ago I found messages to a few different girls, one being his ex girlfriend. He was messaging her asking to catch up to talk about issues that were going on with him at the time. I was devastated and confronted him and he said that he felt that he couldn't speak to me about the issues as i come from a 'perfect family' and i wouldn't understand. One of the messages to another girl was talking about a time (before we met) that they has sex and he was telling her how amazing that night was and that he hasn't forgotten it. As you can imagine I was heartbroken and moved back home for a few days. He promised me he would never do it again. We both love each other very much but I haven't been able to trust him since, he doesn't understand as it was so long ago but he hurt me so much. I don't know how to trust him again. Fast forward to now... we are going through a very rough time, our relationship is hanging on by a thread. I wad tidying up his clothes and I found a fine in it from the police. He had been charged with driving under the influence of cannabis and meth. I felt sick to the stomach but instantly confronted him. He obviously had to admit to it and said he was going to tell me but didn't know how.. I don't believe he would have. Im pretty against drugs and really don't know what to do in this situation. I love him and I can't imagine my life without him but I'm not sure if I can be involved with a drug user.

BethOK Trust and Anxiety issues in relationship
  • replies: 3

My partner has shown reason in the past to not trust him. When i do trust him he lets me down. Im to scared to trust him cause i dont want to get hurt. We have tried taking baby steps to build trust e.g. him going out for a few hours with friends but... View more

My partner has shown reason in the past to not trust him. When i do trust him he lets me down. Im to scared to trust him cause i dont want to get hurt. We have tried taking baby steps to build trust e.g. him going out for a few hours with friends but it always fails on his end because he cant keep to his word and he is easily influenced by friends especially when intoxicated. Also when he drinks too much he doesnt know what hes doing and wont rememberthe next morning either and this exact thing his happened before where hes found out a week later that he had been unfaithful to me. So because of all this and my anxiety over it i dont let him go out with his friends unless I'm with him. I know thats unhealthy and it has gotten worse since we've had kids. Sometimes it feels like the kids arent a priority to him. He has said we would be better apart but we continue to stay together. I cry about this a lot especially when i think about losing him and being alone. I have family to turn to but i have no close friends that i can go to for extra support. We are both young (19 & 21) and have been together for 3 years and i feel like I've learnt to depend on him to much that now i dont know how to be independent and on my own. We do love each other and both don't want our family broken up. How do i learn to trust and get over my anxiety?

Seals101 Family no longer supportive - Possible jealousy?
  • replies: 3

Hi, I was always the black sheep in my family. I was rebellious and didn't pursue my education as far as my siblings did. I was also the one that was always getting into trouble. Now that I am grown up my life is going very well. I am the only one of... View more

Hi, I was always the black sheep in my family. I was rebellious and didn't pursue my education as far as my siblings did. I was also the one that was always getting into trouble. Now that I am grown up my life is going very well. I am the only one of my siblings to own a house and it's almost paid off. I have a well paying job, great friends and recently started my own family. I feel now that things are going very well for me that my family no longer listen or are supportive. For instance when my first child was born she was very sick and nearly died and my family weren't there for support nor did they respond when it's brought up in conversation. I feel that basically anything in my life that i bring up in conversation is ignored and if it isn't ignored they only have negative replies. It's like they don't want to know me or about my life. The negative replies are usually when I am telling them something happy and exciting that's happening in my life which makes me think there is some kind of jealousy happening. I have reached the point that I don't discuss any of the success in my life with them anymore due to the negative remarks. I feel I am the one in the family always caring for everyone else and helping them with their problems, which really is the only time I can connect with them now I want my family to be more involved with my children (Grandparents and Uncle/Aunts etc). I see other new mums getting so much support from their families however my family don't and it saddens me. I have tried talking to them about how I feel and they only half listened. I received a nod and "That sounds great" but it became apparent when wanting to spend the extra time with them that they weren't really listening. I now don't know what to do as I don't want to push it with them. I am expecting my second child soon and would love my family to be more of a part of my life. Should I just leave them be and accept them how they are or should I try to connect with them more?