Don't know what to do to accept and get past break-up from a while ago..

Abbie121 · ‎19-10-2019

I've been separated for at least 6 months now but find myself still holding out hope that we will get back together again or even be in just some form of contact. I don't know why, as there were clear reasons at the time for why we broke up. I find myself still missing him and pining over the good times and yearning for those again. I can't seem to move forward and stop thinking about it. He doesn't want any contact at all and has clearly moved on. My head is aware of the reasons we parted but my heart can't seem to accept it. I fear I've lost the one person I was meant to be with. Would never want to be with anyone else. So upset and frustrated that I can't have any communication with him at all. Don't know what to do to accept and get past this..

Betternow · ‎19-10-2019

Dear Abbie

It's perfectly normal to have the emotions you describe after a break up. Six months is not a long time to get over the sadness. We are life coached not to accept failure and for most of us having a broken relationship is still seen as an "F".

You mention that you understand the reasons you broke up, which suggests to me the practical side of your nature is dealing with split. Your romantic side meanwhile is focussing on the good memories and the head and the heart are fighting it out to see who will win. I'm tipping the head will win.

You say you will never want to be with anyone else and he was the person you were meant to be with. Let's look at that a bit more closely. The world is full of stories of tragedy and heartbreak. People remarry in their eighties after being widowed to a spouse for 50 years. I'm not trying to make light of your obvious sadness but to try and show you with the passing of time your grief will heal. You also argue he was truly the one meant for you, maybe. but I doubt it.

Try and keep busy, work hard at being friends and I hope your pain subsides as soon as possible.

Abbie121 · ‎19-10-2019

Hi Betternow, thank you very much for your response and wise words, I appreciate it. All true, and I needed those reminders.. I do hope my head will win too - sometimes it feels like it is but others it just feels like the heart truly knows and that I've lost such a deep and unique love that and what a shame that is, and what I could've done differently to save it.. I think I am probably romanticising the relationship with hindsight though, and it is probably true what you say that we're not really meant to be - if it was, I wouldn't be in this situation and feeling like this, but we'd be together. More than anything I wish we could be friends.. maybe with more time, though I have a feeling he's completely cut me out and moved on, which is the thing that hurts so much..

Thank you again..

Matchy69 · ‎19-10-2019

Hi i feel your pain,I am in a simlar situation losing someone special and not being able to have contact and no way contacting them.Its been only a month for me and have been in a emotional mess for the last month and dont know when or if i will ever get over this.It has hit me very hard.I am a man and have lost a special lady in my life.

I have found life still goes on even though i cant stop thinking about this person.I try to be strong for my kids but when they are not looking or around i find my self crying.

I am just letting you know your not alone and this happens to other people and hope you can move on one day.

Abbie121 · ‎19-10-2019

Thank you.. that sounds very hard, I hope the pain starts to ease for you soon..

Nothappyuni · ‎20-10-2019

Hi Abbie121,

I envy you the point your at, I still have to make the break.

Betternow is 100% correct, (I suspect some formal training judging from Betternow's posts). What I must tell Abbie121 is that we are all use different mechanisms to cope with life's ups and downs. Many years ago my 'partner' and I smoked. We both tried unsuccessfully to quit until one night we made a pact that we would never smoke again, and 'Cold Turkey', just like that, we never smoked again. A couple close to me broke up seven months ago and for six months he had no contact with her what so ever. She was shattered and couldn't understand why he did this, while I was confused why she thought he wouldn't do it. When I leave, I will not be in contact with my x-partner, I still love her deeply and could not handle any contact AT ALL. It is not about 'moved on', it is about moving forwards. Some people need time and space to start healing, and often contact with x-partners tears wounds open again, delaying the healing process.

Steves_87 · ‎22-10-2019

I feel the same as you abbie. My girlfriend and I just broke up well I don’t even know if it’s a break up or a taking a break either way it feels crap all the same. Anyway I feel you’re pain

MyLadyGirl · ‎22-10-2019

Hello Abbie,

Just wondering if this person is your first love? If yes then I know how it feel and I apologise that you have to go through it. Being a relationship for 6 months is not a serious relationship. There are people that have been in a relationship for 10 years and have broken up. You must always thing that people come to our life to teach us things. He came to your life to teach you something that only you know so you improve your next relationship. I believe that in your next relationship you will be more wiser and matured. You will not jump into relationship. What you have with this person is a beautiful memories that you share together that you have difficulties to forget that person. Memories are temporary only. Sometimes it vanish to create new memories.

You should not be upset of the situation as it was his lost not yours. You are a beautiful and wonderful person that your forgot that you don't bow to anyone. Lift your self up. Hold your chin up. Don't care about him because there is a person out there that will be a great friend, lover and a person that love you of who your are.

So let go.. I know it's hard to let go of a person but it's not worth while.

Abbie121 · ‎24-10-2019

Thanks for your kind words MyLadyGirl. No, they weren't my first love. We were together for 5 years. But I know what you mean, I will try to focus on learning something from that relationship and just treasure the beautiful memories. x

MyLadyGirl · ‎24-10-2019

I am so happy Abbie 21. I know 5 years is hard as there were memories that hold what you had but you can make great memories like I am making now. I am in a foreign country meet my partner here. Not sure how it will end but I am making good memories with him. Can't compare the differences between the two but I will live my life as how it is. I know sometimes the memories will come but be strong.

You can talk to us if you feel down.