Does this mean all was well (back then)?

[Earth Girl]

Back when I was in college, which is a long time ago, I was using a forum and one day I met a girl on there who seemed really nice. I read her bio on her profile and thought she seemed really cool as well so I added her as a contact and one day, she said that I'm "like the best friend that she has never had" and she also asked me to please email her and soon we became really good friends on there and we would email each other often and they were long emails too. She was really fun and interesting to talk to and also very talented (she wrote really good songs) and in a way I think I may have had a bit of a girl crush on her which is awkward (especially since I once saw in one of her old posts she made before we knew each other that she thinks that sort of thing is wrong and that even thinking it's okay is wrong).

I was having a really rough year and had unmedicated psychosis for a while without knowing it (I sometimes heard voices and was stressed but that's all I knew and I didn't think too much into it). On her birthday I thought I would send her an email about how cool I thought she was and the email I made was really weird so luckily it didn't go through. I asked about the email on the thread and people were telling me not to post it (which I didn't end up doing) and luckily too since in the email I was saying things like "I want to be like you so much" and it was kind of scary.

I later typed "h" into the email thing to her to see if it would go through and it actually did this time and she emailed me back "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" with a day dreaming emoji next to it and I looked it up several years ago and it says that if your friend says that to you, that it means they are really excited to talk to you so I'm assuming that everything was okay still even though she probably saw my email message thing (I didn't send it directly to her but she probably would have seen it in the thread before I deleted the thread)? Hopefully she didn't think I was a psycho? Also, the day dreaming emoji sounds positive as well? Like something you would send to someone you saw as a really good friend?

[Earth Girl]

I responded to her with "Haha, hi!" because at the time I wasn't sure how to respond and I don't think we said anything else after that. Unfortunately, due to my psychosis, I started getting really paranoid and thought that some of my contacts were trying to trick me or something and she was one of the ones I got paranoid about (even though she was really nice to me) so I deleted her on there as a contact.

Just last year, I discovered a site that a lot of people were talking about me on (I don't know how it came about that all these people who know me would gang up on me all together on this site like this) and on this site she (the girl I was friends with on the forum) said that I was a mean person who talks badly about others.

I don't remember saying anything bad about her though and if I did say something bad about her, I don't know where I would have said it and if it was on a different site that I said it on, I don't know how she would have found out about it? I really don't remember saying anything mean about her? I am pretty sure that even if I did that I at least wouldn't have said it on the site we were both using?

There's not really anything I can do about it now because even if I did find a way I could contact her again, it would be weird and she'd probably just ignore it.

I like to think that our friendship on the forum was okay at least?

[randomxx]

Hey there earth girl and very sorry about what's been going on, damn.

Usual forums can be very very clicky places as can fb and others , the stories we hear messing people up, really sad stuff tbh.

There's what l think is one of the main Oz ones that can be like that l was happy to find it originally but l've never met such a bunch of conservative nit pickers in my life it literally made me embarrassed being Aussie . l've since dumped the place but luckily l could see it all going on very first day l joined so l was prepared- just hoped l might've had it wrong but sadly nope, what l was seeing day one was what it was.

Could you email her on the email add that you had.?

Sadly it sounds like a misunderstanding on her part but that's so easily done when it comes to any of this online stuff isn't it.

Anyway, big hug . Try not to take any of their crap seriously bc honestly , as we've all discovered with online stuff at one time or other, give some people an enormous keyboard and it's  dog eat dog , it's disgusting really ldk wth happens to them.

rx

[Earth Girl]

Thanks Randomxx,

Yeah, it's hard. I deleted my email/account on that site a long time ago and the forum even stopped running a while ago, but I guess I'll just have to move on. At least when we were emailing each other, since she said "Hiiiiiii!" I'm guessing that at least at the time everything was going well and I was just over thinking that part of it so that makes me feel a bit better about that part at least.

Yeah, people do tend to be very nit picky, especially towards people who don't fit it. I feel a lot of pressure to try to be "perfect" because if I do anything wrong at all, they never stop talking about it.

I also agree that it's a very dog eat dog world. They all gang up on me really badly on that site and they will say anything about me just to get ahead, even if it's super nasty and way worse than anything I could have said or done to them. They are even proud of their nastiness towards me.

[randomxx]

Ah earthgirl, l'm really sorry to hear all that seen that sort of thing so often online for just no reason but just some way of people thinking they're it and a bit among the others. Never had any time at all even bothering in places like that and most of the time the people they do try belittling and nit pick at seem the far nicer people than them anyway. They're all so big and brave behind that keyboard.

lt's not just you. Thanking the Gods bb's an exception right, people are at their best when things are sadly at their worst.

And sorry to hear you've lost the acc and all but yeah she did sound very happy to hear from you.

Take care eh.

rx

[Earth Girl]

It's nice to know it's not just me. And yes, they do get very brave behind a keyboard, especially when they are able to all gang up on one person in a really big number. I do have some people who stick up for me though which is really nice.

Thanks Randomxx!