Disposable relationships

[High_Anxiety]

Hi there,

Just wondering if anyone else is seeing that relationships and marriage are a disposable item these days?

I have been searching the net as I'm potentially going through a break up of an 8 yo marriage and there seems to be a lot of stories and examples where when life gets a little too uncomfortable with someone you just end it like tossing them away.

Why is it that some people give up so easily on people that they are supposed to love? Where has commitment gone?

Yet some of the stories in this forum show that some people tolerate so much pain yet still won't let go!

[Betternow]

Hello Brightstar88

I have no answers to your question as to why you haven't found a life partner at 37 years of age. I don't where you live, or anything about your family and friend network or what type of work you do. I mention these things because in my experience they are usually the key factors that influence your opportunity to meet a Mr Right.

I had a brief marriage in my mid twenties and it was all over by the time I was 29. Huge mistake. I the spent the next sixteen years as a frustrated bachelor. I had a good job, owned my own house and thought I too was a reasonable catch. My problem was I was living in a big city where I had no family, no long term friendships and my work wasn't a natural setting for meeting people. Being a natural introvert didn't help either.

Anyway, I met my now wife at the age of 45 and married 2 years later. We've just celebrated our 25th anniversary.

Here is a tip I picked up during my bachelor years.

When looking for a spouse, don't overly focus on shared interests. Rather put your energy into looking for shared values.

[Guest_1584]

l'd really beg to differ on that , or whatever the saying is.

Sometimes there's a problem , personality traits or bad choices just repeating, or shooting way higher than your equal over and over , no one can help really without getting to the heart of the problem because often in this sitch there are problems and issues causing things.

But l am sorry things haven't come together l know it can be frustration and hard especially seeing others seeming easily get things together , you might need to have a very good look inward too and also do some self reflecting on how things have gone in the past and any common denominators .

All the best and please don't take any of that as criticism or putting down . rx

[Guest_1584]

This is weird , l didn't realize l just replied to an old thread and we'd actually already been talking everything in 17 , wow.

lt is pretty good in Australia though l will say that as compared to internet stuff you read from around the world but especially the states . We seem much much more grounded and still down to basics , still kinda nicely old school thank God here , than most places going on forums , in meeting people and partners. But in oz sadly, very , you do still hear and see more and more of the throw away mentality part of it these days that is for sure .

[Brightstar88]

Thank you for your advice. I realised i have a problem with dating and being in relationships and finding love. But yesterday i realised i have a dismissive avoidant attachment style. Everything i do and feel is because of this. i decided to do a course and learn how i can be more secure in love and have the relationship that i so desperately want. i really hope by communicating how im feeling and changing some subconscious bad habits i can attract the right loving partner. Wish me luck please!

[Guest_1584]

Wishing you lots of luck and well done you too. And be gentle on yourself we all have our stuff and fences to mend around ourselves l'm still at it too , think l'll be going forever haha but oh well.

[Guest_1643]

someone once told me there are waves of settling down... like certain people settle down in their late twenties, but then there's another wave in their mid thirties, another wave in the late thirties... i am 35 and lots of my friends are single and it is very hard. I don't know where the faith comes from. I always found such few people that I genuinely conneted to... it seemed like a needle in a haystack.

I hope you don't feel too down, and can see that although you are still single there are I'm guessing so many other changes and growths in your life. Single is just one part of you