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Deciding to start a family when you can't even decide what's for lunch!

Isla_Dreams
Community Member

My partner and I have been together for 8 years almost, in our early 30's. All our friends/family are starting their own families and I am feeling more pressure than ever to have to decide what to do. It is such a big decision, but of course my anxious mind is clouding everything.

I can't decide what to have for lunch, let alone decide if I want to have a child! A part of me wants that, but then I am overcome with issues of my own self doubt and insecurities and feel like It is safer for me to just remain childless so as not to burden them with my worries and woes. My partner doesn't seem to want to talk about it, and doesn't not seem to be thinking about theses much as I do. I am at a good place In my job and we are trying to save for a house, which will be impossible on one income.

Has anyone else been through a similar experience? I think about it constantly, distracting me from my everyday. We have so many friends and family constantly asking if we are going to have kids, and I am sure I am being paranoid, but feel really judged because we aren't trying for a family.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

This debate about when to have children has been ongoing for around 30 years or so. For some reason the process has reversed.

It used to be- have kids early to late 20’s, be grandparents mid to late 40’s etc then travel.

My 33yo daughter and husband plan on a Europe trip then they’ll “think about having kids”.

To me there is only one major concern with this modern plan- the risk of complications for the child or mother or both during childbirth. All other queries from others is frankly none of their business and I suggest you be more confronting when questioned eg

”when are you going to have kids”?

answer

”how much money do you have in the bank”?

both are personal questions.

I would however research your feelings more by seeking out new mums and how they felt prior to pregnancy. It might help.

People have lived great lives by not having children and put energy into nephews and nieces.

I hope I’ve helped

TonyWK