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Dealing with the things you lost as you get better
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Hi everyone,
My Name is Nicholas and I am now 30. I have been in treatment for major depression since I was 19 and was depressed before that. Three years ago I was fortunate enough to get diagnosed with ADHD and take medication to help with that. I also have started to accept although admittedly self-diagnosed (very confident) as having ASD.
After my most recent tough period of burnout which led to a break up of a 7-year relationship, I have just turned a major corner and am improving significantly. I have added a new medication to my regime and feel like I have been able to sleep for the first time in my life. But now I'm feeling "Better" I'm left feeling a clearer sense of grief for the relationship I lost rather than the generic turmoil of sadness/guilt/anger and numbness that depression can be.
I also sometimes feel a sort of grief for the "life that might have been" had I been diagnosed with ADHD earlier. Things always seem so obvious once you notice them and it's hard not to feel bad for not seeing it earlier.
It's frustrating and sad to feel that if I had felt the way I do now I would have been able to better manage my life and I wouldn't have lost the things I did I'm not sure how to reconcile that and move on.
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As I was reading your post I found myself envious wishing I could turn a corner too. But I havnt with my upped dose. Then you go and reflect on what could have been making yourself sad again.
Dont! Be happy where your at. I would give anything to be in your shoes. Think only how much better the next relationship would be now you feeling better. Dont tempt depression by wallowing in the past. Acknowledge you were once sick and feel regret but move straight on into the future. I would beg borrow and steal to be where your at