Daughter in law problem
Hi Tweedle...wow...what a disaster for you and your son. I feel for you both. I had a messy divorce years ago and lost everything, including my 2 children whom I loved and spent lots of time with. That was over 25 years ago, and I still struggle to get any meaningful relationship with my children even though they have now grown up and in their later 20's/early 30's.
Can I suggest you and your soon need to get some family law advice as soon as possible. In doing so, you also need to consider whether the legal adviser can suggest a good counsellor experienced in these issues, that can give you both some support and guidance. You both sound to have had a raw deal, and it would be easy to get bitter and twisted, and for your son to lose total confidence in himself and his ability to ever meet someone else and build a mutually rewarding relationship.
However, I can attest that although I had a hell of 2 years with my divorce proceedings, I have come through with the support of some of my family, and have grown to love again, and hold a positive outlook on life.
Let us know how you go and feel free to continue posting here on your progress or if you need support on related issues
Hi tweedle, welcome
You would appeciate there are two sides to every story?. And that what goes on behind closed doors is known only by the two behind it.
It is normal for you to side with your son but it is beyond that now, it is more important to look at strategies to save whatever he can to secure visiting rights to his child and as you are the childs grandmother for you to be the peacemaker for that relationship and for your own benefit and that of the childs.
Your judgement on the relationship should not be expanded any further. Couples do split, people interfere. Thats life. Be a grandmother, aim for that. Aim for a good communication level with your daughter in law and her mother. Such "friendship" should not mean you betray your son.
Advocate to them your love for your grandchild and leave the parents marriage to them, regardless of future property divide and other issues they face ...including any injustice you might feel.
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this difficult time, and I hope there is some clear sky soon ahead.
Although I sense that you may not like this, my advice is much the same as Tony's. I suggest you read his advice very carefully, and understand what is being said there.
As a daughter in law myself, I must stress that it is not your place to be making judgement on the relationship, that is, who is right and who is wrong. Most likely, there is no right and wrong person and unfortunately this is a relationship that has ended. The only thing you can do now is have an open and honest relationship with the mother, her mother and your grandchild. You are incredibly luck that she did come to you for your help initially and I think that speaks volumes about her wanting you in her life, and you being a voice she needs to hear.
The finances you speak about initially are irrelevant and I suggest you don't dwell on these details any further. Their situation in this regard is probably not greatly different from many social norms these days, and you need to respect that everyone has a role to play, and in this case your husband was a great financial support to his family. You cannot hold that against anyone.
I hope you can find some acceptance of the relationship break soon, and work on what is now important. Building your relationship with your grandchild and his mother.