New mum husband with depression

Blondie81 · ‎19-02-2017

I'm a new mum with a beautiful 7 month old! I've been with my husband for 17yrs. Through this time he has suffered depression on and off usually bought on by stress and anxiety of certain situations. He sees a psychiatrist mainly for medication and I don't think he's ever delved into why, or tried to find coping strategies.

almost 2 years ago he suffered a break down due to work stress and has been fighting ever since for work cover (which was denied) now unfair dismissal/regulators/ fraud anything he can try to get, I think in his mind retribution.

In this 2 years he's been so depressed, angry, stressed and it's like he will stop at nothing despite advice (legal professionals/friends/family) from many he won't win.

This has put incredible strain on our relationship. I had little support emotion or physical from him when I had a miscarriage through this time and now with a beautiful baby I often feel like a single parent.

I am so angry that he can't see past himself to see what it is doing to our family and us. I want him to see what's important/ positive in our lives and focus on that, cutting the negativity out.

Often I feel guilty that I don't support him in his 'fight' but I just don't believe in it as I can see how it's destroying him. And with bub, work, household, I feel like I'm just keeping it together without adding that stress too. It's all we ever really talk about anymore, ending in an argument- he doesn't think I know how he feels; and me thinking he's selfish! And he just sleeps all the time, too tired to help out much / join in fun family things.

I want us to get through this but can't see any light. I want our baby to have 2 happy/healthy parents, and I'm scared this anger /depression will kill him.

Im not sure what else to do/ where to go from here.

Nikkir · ‎19-02-2017

Hi Blondie81,

I am sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you and your husband and I really do hope that you get the love and support for yourself and your family. It seems as though with your husbands mental health issues and then the job related problems he has really been struggling and not getting or accepting the support he needs for himself. We do have some good advice on supporting someone with depression and anxiety

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

In the meantime I guess all you can do is offer support to your partner, in that he can seek support and to take care of yourself and your family. Do you have someone you can talk to ? You can always call us on 1300 22 4636 or get a referral from your GP for sessions with a professional. I also recommend the 'smiling minds' app it is a great meditation and mindfulness app and easy to you. Get out in nature and take care of yourself. You need to set boundaries as to how much of your husband's issues you can take on and balance that with what you need for yourself. ( easier said than done i know). Please call us or let us know if there is anything else we can do, you are not alone and you can always chat with us or call us to let us know how you are going. Best Wishes Nikkir x

geoff · ‎20-02-2017

dear Blondie, can I just say that my situation was exactly the same as yours, where I was the depressed one, so in hindsight I know what I must have like to my (ex) wife and 2 sons and how unbearable it would have been.
Congratulations on your new 7 month old baby, where it's meant to be exciting for to 2 of you, unfortunately it's not, and understand that his claim has been denied by Workcover which would deepen his depression and feel as though he has nothing that can be rewarded by his work, but it goes further than this because how he feels is now affecting you greatly.
It seems as though all he wants to do is to have a successful claim and will not stop until this is done, but he has you and a baby which he has lost sight of and concentrating only on himself, and that's not fair.
He has to remember that his lawyers work at their own speed, nothing can be rushed and usually they won't disclose everything to your husband, only because this may create more annoyance and frustration to them and their secretary, in other words nothing can rushed.
He has to understand that, which is going to be very difficult especially for you to try and make him realise this, that you can't help him with his claim, it's in the hands of his lawyers, but tell him that if he wants his claim to be accepted, then by going to his doctor and then have some counseling will only help his claim, in other words convince him that by doing this will be a great benefit which his lawyers can then add onto the case.
I then hope that this will get him to go and see his doctor, but can I suggest that you also see your doctor and then have some counseling yourself, please get back to us. Geoff. x